Bugs In My Teeth

And Now I Will Do The Snoopy Dance Of Happy

2012-02-14T23:42:00.003-05:00

I just made myself laugh with my own title. That has to be a sign of something, just not sure what.

While others are in the mood for love, we got our tax return. After my sixth lap around the house screaming, "hooray, we're not broke any more!!!" I stopped to ask when the state one should arrive. While it's presence won't cause me to bust a move, it will make me smile all purdy like and then get down to business of ordering school stuff for next year.

Talk about your kill-joy. But if nothing else, I am practical.

I can't say that this falls under practical but, Hubby now has a twitter account AND a facebook account. Why he did this I'm not sure. When you look in the dictionary, under the world anti-social I'm pretty sure his picture is there. He actually made the comment that since he's like in my virtual play-land as he likes to call it, I have permission to use his name instead of Hubs.

*Blink, blink*

We'll just keep all real quiet like that this is the first time you're hearing his name.

And while I do love that guy named Fred, he can be a bit clueless on some things. I find this amazing because he picks up on stuff that fly right by me. Granted, I'm not the sharpest bowling ball out there but I can be rather quick on picking up stuff.

I tried to point out that most of my InterPeeps already know his name. He gave me a look but I really didn't have the energy or the ambition to try and figure it out, so I just tossed chocolate at his face. It actually worked. He's not feeling too hot. Michael caught something while at the group thing last Saturday. Sunday he looked liked death warmed over. Jared has been wiped out all day, and Fred came home looking like crap. Nicholas said his throat was a bit scratchy.

I told these sickos to get the hell away from me.

And this time I don't care if that cost me the Mother of the Year Award.

I am the hub of this wheel and I don't see any of these slacker picking up the pace around here so if I go down, we're all going down. And that doesn't work for me. I got too much crap to do the next couple of weeks.

This month is getting away from me. I don't like that. Have some stuff I need to get done but that lack of ambition combined with my super procrastination levels total cramps getting around to it. Then I find myself at this frantic pace of hurry up!!! Vicious cycle that doesn't seem to go away.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

The Word For The Day Is....

2012-02-13T13:24:00.003-05:00

Focus!!!

I know this shocks no one but I tend to....lose....focus....sometimes. Or a lot. And I can say it's never a dull moment in my head because I can go off in different directions all at once. But when I come to the realization that I only have 1 body is when it tends to get complicated especially when my mind is screaming to do 5 things at once.

I've hard I'm quite hilarious when this inner struggle shows up because let us not forget that I tend to talk to myself, all the time, and sometimes out loud. If I'm in a weird enough mood I will have different voices to at least pretend I'm not totally insane.

Note to self - beware of all large sized white jackets with extra straps and buckles.

I don't think it's an attention issue. I'm actually purdy good at those attention details. I do have to stay on my case to finish the thing I started. I have wised up to this trick and now I'm having to battle to start things.

Hate when I outsmart myself.

So now I'm in a fierce rock, paper, scissors battle....with myself. Oh the happy I am feeling to know it has come to this.

That was sarcasm, people. Please keep up.

Where was I? Oh yes the word focus. And how I have none. Here's what I have going through my head:

Me: So self, I guess we need to focus.
Self: Where do you get this we? I'm focused, you're the one that can't concentrate.
Me: I beg to differ. We both know you tend to get easily side-tracked. Then you go off about how I don't stick to the to-do list.
Self: That is my attempt to motivate you to keep at it. Should I remind you about the avalanche of dirty clothes?
Me: Yes, how about we go there - the reason there was an avalanche was because you wouldn't get off the computer and...
Nicholas: Hey mom, what do you want me to put down for this think problem? Does it want me to answer both parts or to combine it into 1 answer?
Jared: Help! It wants me to do what?
Michael: Can I have lunch?

20 minutes later

Me: Um, what where we talking about?
Self: I have no idea. Wanna discuss the list?
Me: Not really.
Self: Same here. How about Pinterest?
Me: Oooo I love the way you think!

This is a great discovery that it's not entirely my fault for my lack of focus. So now I have all this focus but I have zero want to on what it is I'm focusing on. Whee. And why do I always see everything I need to clean?!?

Wait, what was that Self? It's a Monday? Well that figures. Makes total sense. I am now going back to bed and won't appear until it's a better day where the focus and the want to will be BFFs. Right now they aren't speaking to each other.

Mush To The Mush

2012-02-09T23:02:00.001-05:00

That pretty much sums up my brain right now. I've tried to write this post like 3 times and it just wasn't happening. Wednesday was crazy busy and Thursday blew by so fast I couldn't even really tell you what I accomplished. I can tell you it wasn't anything I had on my to-do list.

Got a lot of stuff graded and I'm seeing the same issues with Jared that his brothers had with the same curriculum. Frustrating. But at least I know NOW what to look out for and I can change some things up for him. I thought he was all set for next year with school stuff, now I'm not so sure. At least I didn't place my order yet for next year's stuff.

That's sort of looking at the bright side....I guess.

What an incredibly odd feeling that is! Surely this is just a fluke.

And speaking of fluke's - Alrighty, mah sistas. Is it normal for the hormones to change when they show up? I have been warned to batten down the hatches when 40s show up but I'm not there yet, so I can't figure out what the deal is. While I've never had normal cycles and all that, it was pretty much a given that I would go bat sh*t insane crazy shortly before aunt flo graced us with her presence. I'm still accused of hoarding all the chocolate to which I argued it was either the chocolate or I kill all their stupid selves off.

But I'm now finding the insane chocolate hoarding, eye twitching, dear God you people are beyond stupid crazies are showing up shortly after aunt flo left. This has left me, and the males of the house, completely confused.

I found myself today popping evening primrose oil pills like tic-tacs, tossing back the chocolate like water, and fighting tears all day. Hubby got home and I told him if he valued his life, he would say nothing stupid or to anger the beast. After he realized I wasn't kidding, he asked permission to speak. After deciding that was a smart answer, permission was granted. He asked if he should remain quiet the rest of the evening or if that would make me feel shunned thus angering the she-beast.

Dude is a lot smarter than what I thought.

I told him to have a conversation in non-stupid and he may make it out alive. Then I realized what gender he is and wished him the best of luck. I did tell him I didn't give him high marks for making it. We ended up watching TV most of the night to keep it on the down low.

Pitiful. But effective.

Evening primrose oil has definitely put the brakes on the crazy, wild, emotions but I've noticed when I take it this early, it triggers a faster visit from auntie. And while it is no wear near as bad as yesteryear, I'm still not a fan of her visits. So what is a crazy she-beast supposed to do? I took the pill just to keep the urge from smacking all male persons upside the head. Since I live with 4 guys, they appreciated it immensely and have now call that the miracle pill, the answer, the problem solver, the chocolate saver, the she-beast destroyer, the manna from heaven etc.

They get creative when it's safe for them to crawl out from behind the couch.

Chickens.

There are days I really wonder why the heck I have the faulty wiring version of wo-man.

Seriously Wal-Mart, Seriously??

2012-02-07T23:42:00.003-05:00

It was one of those grocery runs. The kind of run that pretty much tells the world that you were down to your last box of mac n cheese, the last bag of ramen noodles, and everyone seemed to be out of various shampoos, toothpaste, and/or deodorant.

I think I could sum it up as The Clampits Went A Shoppin'.

Now that I think about it, I can't really point the finger at stuffmart. I was just having a bit of trouble locating stuff. For instance, they had these seasonal pumpkin flavored almonds which 3 out of the 5 of us love. Found a few canisters of them....on the bottom of a skid of other nuts.

I looked at Michael, who is a fan of these nuts, and I smiled really purdy like and he came strutting over to help his mumsy in distress. Either that or he really wanted those almonds too. Might be a bit of both. I had dude lift the corner of the skid while I grabbed a can and then had to snag a can from up top and shoved it under. I may have yelled got it, run for your life! I may have said if you hear a loud crash, make a break for the door. Or not - it's all a bit fuzzy to me now.

And that's the truth, Your Honor. Sort of.

I did have a slight visual of me being hauled off in cuffs screaming, "I was framed and it was their own fault for putting the out of season stuff on the bottom anyway" and then go on to declare I will sue for food poisoning.

I really need to get out more.

Either that or find a hobby. Because I tend to come up with that crap all the time and oddly enough it usually involves me threatening to sue stuffmart. I wonder if my new hobby can be to sneak in a paintball gun and shoot people who are wearing jammie pants. I have a feeling that would be frowned upon at that establishment.

Back to finding a hobby.

Considering the sheer amount of stuff we bought, I'm rather surprised but somewhat close to a happy-ish kind of feeling on the total. The funny part is I was so in the zone, I could have walked right by every person I have ever known and wouldn't have had a clue. So if I blew anyone off - my bad. Needless to say, I found it rather amusing that Hubs was talking away to someone and it took me a few minutes to figure out it was a person....who we know....and she didn't run in the other direction.

Go figure.

It was a long lost friend I hadn't seen in ages. She's one of those friends you can not see for years and still just click with. Good thing they weren't busy because we had the baking aisle blocked off and was just gabbing away.

After we pulled ourselves away, I was back in the zone making sure I got everything on my list. Somehow I missed my cousin calling which is a bit odd for me. The sad part was I didn't discover I missed her call until my FIL was trying to call my phone. Gosh I...must...have...not...heard it, yeah! That's the ticket!

And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

I guess that's why I'm all annoyed with Wal-Mart - I have all these feelings of angst while at their store, therefore it must be their fault somehow. Works for me!

We did manage to sail right past evil Edna and got a guy who talked my legs off about how excited he is about Star Wars 1 coming out in 3D. I now know that they will be releasing all 6 movies in 3D.

I bet you are as underwhelmed as I am.

But I now find myself wanting to hunt George Lucas down and ask how much money does he really need?

Actually no, I would turn all starstruck and talk goober-ese and ask if he would please make more Star Wars films because I simply don't have enough of his product in my home. Have I mentioned how Jared begs me to watch the Clone Wars with him? No? That's probably because I'm too busy hitting myself over the head to bother mentioning it.

Think I will call it a night and go pass out because tomorrow night I get to sit through another music practice.

Hold me, I beg of you.

Snack-a-palooza

2012-02-07T01:32:00.003-05:00

Or what you other people call the Super Bowl. Don't give a flying fart about sports. And now that I typed that out don't all farts fly? So I guess there is nothing special about a flying fart after all and now I need to come up with something else.

Hmmm

I don't give a flying fig about sports.

We'll just go with it.

And as I've stated before, neither does the Hubs. For whatever reason, probably boredom, a few years ago we started a snack-a-thon to watch the many commercials and go pee during the game. Because we're off the hook like that.

I also think we have reached a new low that we will use pretty much any excuse to go crazy on the snacks. And by crazy we had so much stuff the guys ate leftover snacks for dinner while I went out with Kerri. Fun was had by all and that's all that really matters.

There were a few good commercials but I thought it wasn't as good as last year's stuff. I'm not even going to say what a snooze fest the half-time show was. I'll even restrain from saying how bad the lip-sync was or that a 53 year old shouldn't skip in heels or like ever. And I won't say how I started laughing when she almost fell. But I will say we missed the rest of it because we all got up and got another round of snacks and drinks and was spared the rest of the show.

I bet you're so glad I showed such restraint.

It was a good game to watch. Although I'll be honest, I didn't have a clue what was going on. I didn't care who won so I spent this time trying to figure out what was going on. But when the guy stopped right before the touchdown and sat down....I gave up. Now I remember why I used to just root for the ball when I was growing up. Saved so much time and effort.

In other who cares news, I think all 12 year olds should be shipped away until they can reconnect with their brains. Oy vey. That is a stage that has tried to be the death of me.

Jared has just been super weird since the beginning of the year. Personally, I think the cloud of stupid has him in some form of super hold that I have yet to break off of him. I thought about using a chair but after trying that on the older 2 with no luck, I'll just save the chair. He got mad at me the day after New Years that I didn't cut his hair like RIGHT NOW!!! Because goodness knows I have nothing better to do than to wait on them hand and foot. So he cut his bangs and then tried to lie his way out of it.

Stuuupppiiiddd.

Yes, let's try to tell the person who cuts your hair that she's just seeing things. And further tell this person you have no idea how those mysterious hair fibers landed in the trash and all over the floor.

I remember this stage. And I'm not a fan of it. We could just look back at the beginning of this blog's existence and see the many adventures, and bad grammar, of yore of twin 12 year olds who were also infected with stupid-itis. But that will cause me to shudder and possibly to start rocking back and forth as I chant "find a happy place".

Good granny! Buckle up your seat-belts cuz here we are again.

Then these last few weeks dude has been extra clingy and snippy at his brothers with anything that has to do with music. These guys eat, sleep, and breathe music so it has been a constant snip fest which tends to get the eye twitch a going. Why they would want to bring that crusty chick out to play with is beyond me because she doesn't play nice. But he's not happy that THEY get to do something and, yet again, he is left out in the cold of the twin duo thing.

I do feel bad, however, there isn't much I can do. We have done the homeschool co-ops which were just brutal. Almost drove me to drink quantities I am unable to afford. We have done church groups but for whatever reason can never find any with kids around their age. Not to mention there have been nothing but nothing on the church front. Call me crazy but I think integrity is a big must and we can't seem to find a church that actually believes that yes means yes, and no means no. Toss in moving out of state in a few months and we're left in a holding pattern of wait-a-minute.

I'm starting to wonder if life on earth is just really the waiting room for eternity. That's kind of depressing.

But I told Jared to hang in there because in a few more weeks I'm loading him up and taking him with me on this crazy mission from God to go bless my psycho mother. She'll behave if he's around and he'll get all the attention. 2 for the price of 1.

Too bad it's my pride that is the price. Dagnabbit.

I gave him what my plan will hopefully be and he about did cartwheels. He loves to go out to eat and just run errands which is weird because he is the first to whine his feet hurt. But we'll be gone allll day and it will just be him and his brothers will stay home. Because honestly, I'm going to have a hard enough time with my own attitude, I sure as heck don't need their crappy attitudes to boot. Jared can be gracious to my folks verses I finally got the other 2 to stop sneering in their direction.

Good times.

I will say one thing about guys - you can pretty much buy them off, bribe them, and/or get them to do anything so long as food is involved. I am convinced the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Reboot

2012-02-02T23:01:00.002-05:00

I think my brain is crying uncle. I'm not sure I know what day, month, or possibly even year it is. In my brain's defense it is still a new year and now a new month. But don't even ask me what day it is because I'll give you a freaked out look and then scream, "You don't know?!? Who's going to tell me???"

What? This surprises you how?

Wednesday night I loaded up the older 2 to take them to practice and was just around the corner from our house when 2 deer walked out of the neighborhood, even used the crosswalk, and slowly trotted across the street and almost right in front of me. I saw the first one but didn't the second. Thankfully Michael said, "there's another 1" and I saw it just as it jumped in front of us but the law abiding deer moved it and therefore didn't lose it.

My pulse wasn't so sure it wanted to recover.

When we came back home, I discovered Hubs and Jared almost buried in Legos. While my toes cursed their existence, I was glad to see Hubby still being able to indulge his inner child and hope to see many hours of bonding between these 2 as the older 2 told him to grow up.

Apparently there are some bitter feelings over Nerf. 1 person of the guy equation declared it beneath him to play anymore. The more laid back twin said while it's not top on his list, he could be persuaded. This has left Hubs and Jared all dejected as the epic Nerf wars of yore are no more.

I don't give a rat's patooty.

But I also found out Hubby wasn't working and since I was dragging my feet, and my behind, I declared Thursday was now slated to be a Groundhog Day movie marathon. Which sort of worked, sort of not. We only ended up watching the movie once. Hubby and I ended up running a couple errands like getting stamps. I hate getting stamps. I have to try and get out of our driveway which is no easy task at certain hours of the day, like daylight. Then I get to drive around the building a time or 20 just to find a parking spot, then get to stand in line all to get the ugliest stamps I've ever seen.

No shock why the post office is in deep doo-doo. Especially since we get the 1 mailman who STILL can't seem to figure out how this thing works. We've complained to the post office and all they do is to continue to ignore our complaints.

Moving far away is sounding better by the day.

After we watched the movie I had to get dinner going. I have no idea what I did with my time after dinner because the next thing I know American Idol was on. I couldn't even blame the time suck on Pinterest because I wasn't even on the computer. But I will say about AI is wow there are some people in serious denial.

Here's hoping tomorrow - whatever day it is - will go better. Hubby has work and I'm making the guys do school work. I have a feeling it's going to feel like a Monday and that is a crying shame thing to do to a Friday.

I hope it forgives me.

Le Sigh

2012-01-31T23:16:00.003-05:00

Why I decided to have zee French accent is beyond moi. But it iz safe to say my brain was fried and thiz iz all dat iz left.

Seriously whack-a-do type of day. Laundry, bills, school work to grade, the usual. And lest I forget, the never ending request for food. Thought we had all our info for our taxes and figures we're waiting on something from the government to do our taxes so I can sing Staying Alive. And believe me, it's an ugly version. Mainly because I don't know the words and tend to make up whatever. You can forget it rhyming because that is out of the question.

Hubby came home to find me almost face planted on the floor. I have all these intentions and plans for my day and it gets railroaded every.single.time. I find myself in this weird holding pattern of waiting on the guys with one thing or another. This is not good because they all have this assumption I have nothing better to do but to cater to their every need and/or whim.

For example, Jared is feeling, I guess, left out and has decided he needs to have a hug about every 15 minutes. Dude is solid as a rock and is quickly approaching my height. So it feels like a huge train that comes charging in only to slam into me. I told him if he takes me down I will pile drive him. After getting this several times throughout the day, by evening I feel like a mac truck DID drive over me. And then backed up and went one more time.

Un-flipping-believeable.

I have discovered that I am guilty of Pinterest fail. I find great recipes, I print it off, try it out, love it to pieces, annnnd then find out I forgot to pin it to share with others. Whoopsies. The rate I am going, I should have my own cookbook before too long.

Wow. I have nothing else. The brain truly is fried tonight. Think I'll go back on Pinterest for another 6 hours.

Okie Dokie

2012-01-29T16:27:00.004-05:00

This is in response to a couple questions I got. Again, this is just me and where I'm at and what I feel God is telling me. Always feel the need to put a disclaimer because it seems no matter what I post someone wants to add their 2 cents worth of why I'm wrong.

Beth Moore has a book Praying God's Word which is part of her bible study Breaking Free. Oddly enough, I've never done the bible study part but I have the other book with my journal and bible all the time. It has scriptures to help break off mental strongholds and this has a wide range of topics to break off. Since I feel everyone could use a check up from the neck up from time to time, this is my go to book.

I was on the topic of rejection when I came across a reference to Luke 6:22-23. From Beth's book "Merciful Savior, according to Your Word, I am blessed when men hate me, when they exclude me and insult me and reject me as evil, because of You, the Son of Man. Your Words says I have cause to rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is my reward in heaven, For that is how their fathers treated the prophets."

Ever been there? Especially from your brothers and sisters in Christ? It sucks. It hurts and there isn't an easy way to limp along and pretend they didn't just cut you to the core of your being.

I was still praying, because like I said in my earlier post, I am still mad about the whole thing. Goodness knows how long I've confessed I forgive and I've prayed for that person's well being etc. This is, of course, after I repented for wishing bricks would land on her head.

Work in progress, people. Besides, I'm not the only one, so don't go there.

That snippet raised my curiosity to I grabbed my bible and read the rest of the chapter. It had quite a bit more to say on this subject. Such things like invoke a blessing on your enemy who detest you and pursue you with hatred.

Come again??? Because I thought that ment yer momma and you were supposed to bring it gangsta style NOT bless them!!

"Pray for the happiness of those who curse you, implore God's blessing upon those who abuse you, who highhandedly misuse you."

Ruh-roh, Raggie. That doesn't sound very gangsta style, whatever that would be.

"But love your enemies and be kind expecting and hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High..." (I'm paraphrasing through a lot of scripture to pull it together.)

Did I say, gosh I need to do this? Hell no!!! I mean, um, that would be a big n-o. I had a fight on my hands and it was all from me. This person said untruth about me and further more slapped the label God told me to do it that way. There was no way I was convincing myself that this was a good thing to do.

Funny about that because the more I prayed the more I KNEW I was supposed to do this. I gave God all my reasons was this was a bad plan. I was even half-way finished with a power point presentation of why this was wrong and on how many levels of wrong it reached. And I just stopped and surrendered. I was tired of the old junk floating to the top, the same wound gushing open no matter how many bandages I've wrapped it in. I so wanted to be free of the whole thing that I was more than willing to go through what God was telling me to do.

It didn't stop there because after I bought a gift card to the coffee shop I was envisioning the woman spilling it down the front of her favorite shirt or burning her lying lips right off. See? I'm not some great person for doing this. I was in an ugly battle of who was going to win. The running commentary that was going through my head, while freaking hilarious, was so not righteousness. Not to mention the rip roaring fight I ended up getting in with my husband. Which was all him, he even admitted it but it was still unpleasant in the midst of an ugly battle.

Then again, what battle is ever pretty?

I could sit here and quote all the Christian phrases but man it was killing me to actually walk this one out. I prayed over the card - truly asking God to bless the woman, and her lips, from being burned and no spillage please.

There have already been a few of her minions hovering around my blog trying to figure out what I'm up to. I'm not up to anything. I'm a doer of the Word and will act according to what I believe I'm led to do and I actually have scripture to back it up! It said to bless my enemy, so I did. I didn't do this to get back into her group because I am under no delusion that would ever happen even if I wanted to, which I don't. If they can lie and cut me up that bad once why would I want to go again?

Kerri asked if I felt I had closure. I can't say a 100% but I do feel different. I can't really say the hurt was magically removed but I know anytime it does surface I'll pray for this woman because, to be honest, I'm terrified of what else God would ask me to do because that was pretty brutal. I'm not really sure about I'll be blessed because I was such a snot through the whole thing. But I know I did what was asked of me so I hope that counts.

One down, and I hope only one to go. Because I still have to get through the whole shopping trip with my mother! I'm still freaking out about that one. I think I need some more scripture to convince me of that one.

Just A Quick Note...

2012-01-27T15:50:00.002-05:00

I was asked a few questions regarding my post about how did I really know I was hearing from God. He backed it up with Scripture. Good luck arguing out of that one! I will post a response to that because it will take longer time than what I have. Pinkie swear!

Unemployment got all straightened out and there is a lot of happy over here.

PLUS I'm going out with Kerri for some girl time.

Oh the happy continues!!!

Which is good because aunt flow showed up. Luckily for me Kerri has met that broad and isn't scared of her. Which amazes me because she can be scary.

I Would Like To Report...

2012-01-25T03:13:00.004-05:00

That stuffmart was totally calm and completely dead. It was a miracle!! And speaking of - we spent less than usual thanks to not having to buy meat and figuring out that J-man has been getting more lunches that what he needs. Plus we put a limit on how much of one thing he can get.

That boy can live off of pizza every day and every way.

Had to work out some stuff with the other 2 boys regarding their music stuff. The teacher said that they should maybe print off multiple copies of each song as they are still working on what key to play each song. Long story short, I had to tell them this several times and it still wasn't clicking. We finally got there and thankfully my eye twitch didn't show up to take things to a whole new level. I even retyped 2 songs to give them spaces to write stuff in.

I will say guitar music is TOTALLY different than piano music. Michael will try to explain something to me and it sails right over my head. My eyebrows can't even pretend to know what he's talking about.

So everything is mostly squared away because goodness knows why this wasn't done LAST week but oh no, someone didn't pipe up and say something. Nicholas will get things done. I don't have to tell him more than twice and dude is all over it, verses Michael has to be reminded a lot of times and then it's about a 50/50. I noticed he hadn't been playing the song list but only songs he already knows. And when I called him on it, turns out he's been struggling with 2 songs that Nicholas completely walked him through it and got it all straightened out.

After asking why didn't he say anything sooner and getting an "I dunno" the eye twitch decided that it wanted to show up and play.

And just because I am, if nothing else, obedient - my folks had emailed asking how things were going with the boys. I told them all the good stuff with the twins and mentioned that Jared was feeling left out. Not that he has any desire to play an instrument but one more thing he's left out of. So I said I was thinking in another month of just loading up Jared and bringing him down with me to see them for the day to hang out getting him out of the house, away from his brothers, and being the center of attention. Granted I left out I was going to have to hog tie my mother to go take her shopping because God told me to.

Let me just say, a fierce game of rock, paper, and scissors is going on between me and the Almighty over this one. So far He's winning 177-0. He told me He thought about letting me win 1 but knew I would call the game after that 1 win trying to ignore His landslide.

Well....the Dude knows me very well.

My mom emails back that yes! this would be a wonderful idea and I could even let him spend a couple nights.

Um, no.

I'm already having to bribe the kid as it is to go along with this plan. I don't think I could ever make it up to him for that level of torture. Not to mention that this is still them and I don't see that boundary line moving anytime soon. But truth be told, it really would do J some good and since I would have my mom with me, he would have my dad totally alone. And I am well aware that Jared longs for that.

Oh Lord, You truly work in mysterious ways......how about best out of 300?

And So....

2012-01-23T12:52:00.004-05:00

Our heroine treks off in the weird weather we are having to do the deed. She searched high and lo for a card. Sadly, nothing quite said, "Die Jedi scum, but may the Lord bless you anyway."

She was fully aware this was a battle.

She was feeling every nerve pulled to the snapping point when finally she found a card that didn't send her over the edge. The card before that one was over the top of what a wonderful person you are.

She thought not.

Then she and her man had to go to the bank and do a few other errands. She purchased the gift card and went to sit down and pull the stuff out to get it over with when suddenly.....a cloud of stupid hopped all over the man and he insisted they go home.

Words were had.

Lots of words I can't repeat.

And home they went.

Our heroine sat in the van to try and battle all the raging emotions because it's not like I - I mean she wanted to do this. So to toss in epic stupidness was just not what was needed.

Oh sure, she could tell you she KNEW it was spiritual warfare but did that stop anything? Nope, nada, n to the o - NO. I would like to tell you she was able to say gosh you trampled my already owie emotions but that doesn't come close to what I - I mean she said.

Sometimes I wonder about me, I mean her.

So she did what any normal person would do, she told the man to exit her space immediately before she killed him. After about a half an hour, lot of tears and prayers, she was able to pull it together and write the thing. Not to be stopped, she hopped into the driver's seat and drove to the post office to say I DID IT!! I'm obedient!! Where's my cookie?

When she got home, her leaving apparently caused a ruckus, which she knew it would, and youngest son who can't seem to hold on to anything dropped, and shattered, his plate. Which is why she had stated that she wanted to sit down to write everything out away from the spawn who can bring on distraction like a tornado.

But clearly, I know nothing, I mean SHE - she knows nothing.

Oh Monday! You are such a jerk sometimes! And then again, so are people.

She did it with fear and trembling - not the normal way of feeling it because there was all kinds of trembling and fear of what she really wanted to say but obedience and yes, I may say niceness was done and now that is off the list. And if she weren't so ticked off at someone else right now, she thinks she might actually feel a slight release.

And so I - uh, our heroine is off to make a grocery list because she seems to be stuck in the land of Oz of this sucks.

I want a cookie.

How Do You Say....

2012-01-19T13:59:00.006-05:00

I think I have infected my kids with that gene that makes you just not fit in. I so do not have the IT factor. I still don't even know what IT is other than I DON'T HAVE IT!!

For the most part, I have embraced that I am an odd duck - destined to swim the waters pretty much by myself. While I'm not a loner, far from it, as that is so my husband. I just don't seem to fit in all that well. This has often left me dazed and confused. I find myself in this weird little waddle of wanting to paddle my little ducky butt up to the group and try to be a part of it, but the other part of me wants to tell everyone to quack off.

And I have no idea why I'm using the whole duck theme here. I'm just gonna go with it.

I'm now worried my kids have that same issue. Believe it, or not, I don't think it's a homeschool thing either. They get along with others and have no trouble putting themselves out there, but they too do not have the IT factor.

Does anyone know where I can buy the IT factor? And any chance would it take coupons?

Last night was first night of practice for the guys and if anyone has sat through any music lessons - daaaaay 1.

It'll get better. And really there were 2 songs the whole group nailed which was rather impressive considering none of them that were there had played in any type of group before. My boys are the only male vocals and Michael can get this gravel tone to his voice that just cracks me up. And Nicholas can harmonize just beautifully.

Yes, I'm impressed BUT I know it will get better.

It has to get better.

For the love of God, tell me it will get better!!!

I kid...sort of.

As I sat there trying to read a book through all the noise, which is totally talented by the way if I do say so myself; I couldn't help but noticed that they didn't have the same "look" that everyone else did. These guys are clean cut through and through and to even suggest a change would get you the glare of "I so don't think so." Which, I'll be honest, I kind of like that about them. They don't bend for any one's opinion. Take them or leave them - they don't care. They know what they like and you can't change their mind. I'm now worried they come off as snobs.

I don't know - probably just being over sensitive. They don't seem all that bothered. Now I can sit here and over analyze if I'm just projecting my own issues onto their situation. Not like I would ever do tha.....yeah, I can't even type that with a straight face.

Moving on....

We STILL have no unemployment money and I'm now breathing through a paper bag. And in the middle of all this hyperventilating, I now find myself given a challenge from God that I am non too pleased with. So much so, that I'm not even giving the details because I really don't want to face it. I think if I just left it all mysterious I could trick myself into doing it and then actually have a great go me blog post.

And now I have this weird feeling that would take any brownie points I would have actually accumulated and flushed it right down the drain.

Hmmmm.

Well....God is telling me to bless someone who treated me like crap. And sadly, I am still pissed off about the whole thing. I've prayed for my enemy, I finally got over wanting to run her over or even to egg her house. But I am so frustrated that these darn feelings haven't gone away let alone tapered off. The kicker is we're flat broke and while I was given a plan on the what, the how to pay for it plan has been sadly lacking. THEN to top it off, He tells me I need to go and really bless my mom after we get our tax return. I am still in the phase of shock and denial because I think I asked the Almighty if He was smoking something.

So far I'm pulling the golly, gosh, gee-whitackers don't have it card but when I have some extra cash, I'll put that on my list of things to do. If I hear any thunder rumbling, I am so taking cover because I think I may be pushing my luck on this one.

I keep getting over and over that this is for my own good and while part of me gets it, my inner 4 year old apparently doesn't want to go along for the journey. Not to mention I know full well this person is only going to sneer at this gesture of kindness. Believe me, it's not the gesture I was going for, plus it won't mend the fence on either side. I don't even care if God uses it as a supernatural colon-insecto-ectomy which is my made up word that means the surgical removal of the bug from one's, um, colon.

Jesus loves me this I knoooowww!! Cuz He hasn't fried me sooooooo!

If y'all don't hear from me, say a prayer or fifty in case that purgatory thing really does exists. The crappy thing is I know He's given me a deadline to do in. And Dude is so giving me the eyebrow arch. I have a feeling failure is not an option.

Tune in next month to see if I really go through with it.

Well Okay Then

2012-01-16T23:18:00.003-05:00

We had a busy weekend. Guys started off their WorshipArts program and they are beyond excited. Came home - everything great. Next day, we had our bible study - everything great. Right before bedtime - total freak out that they don't know the majority of the songs.

And I'm the crazy one because???

Monday rolls in with Hubby actually working which is good because I wasn't sure how groceries were going to happen. Actually I'm still not sure because I am a fan of electricity and water and things like that. But I let the guys off the hook with the books so they spent the day working on 6 songs.

They worked really hard!! All day!! Like over 6 hours.

And then had to take a break to deal with putting away their laundry and take out the trash and then were back at it again.

Hard!!

Too bad we can't have this enthusiasm for math...or English...or anything academic but enthusiasm was present so I guess I can't complain. Too much.

I did get cracking up laughing at them. They were struggling with one song and one of them said, "One more time!" And "try it again." Funny stuff.

I decided to reward all this hard work with a pan of lasagna. I was declared the best mom ever. Which is good because just the day before I was accused of poking around, being too aggressive, and nosy. It's like they don't even know who I am because duh. You're under my roof, my rules and you can take it to the bank I am going to be all up and in their business. So take that stretch marks 1-59, 60-120, and 121-160!

Although now that I think about it, Jared really didn't cause any stretch marks. Guess I'll have to come up with something else for him.

I am now trying to figure out a way to sneak in Midol pills into everyone's food. What? It's all I have and it's cheaper than Prozac. There is no point in wasting good chocolate on these people because it doesn't change their mood. Where is the fairness of that I ask you?

I did take a bit of resentment that there was a prayer for God to intervene and somehow make sure that I get them there on time. Dude. I can't even really say anything snarky about that because I had to agree with them in prayer over it because I am genetically inclined to be 5-10 minutes late. And that's on a good day.

So fun was had by all. Except I feel kind of icky. Like a dry throat icky. The posse better pray harder.

Where Whirl Meets The Wind...

2012-01-12T00:07:00.003-05:00

Oh my! Look at the time and the date. It all started when I went on Pinterest, next thing I know it's a new year. Wowzers. It has been....um, crazy? busy? or I'm just totally distracted with....something. I really have no idea why time is just zipping by.

I got to go out with Kerri where we sorted through an ocean of beads. I am still seeing these white beads in my sleep, but it was for a good cause - cause she needed them. But I had a good time anyway. Nice to get out and just putz around. Shopping with kids is like a Mission Impossible episode - get in, get the stuff, and get out before something bad happens. The only time I like to shop with the crew is for groceries so I don't have to hear, "why did you buy THAT?!"

My birthday showed up on a Monday. Typical. And true to form, my folks called the exact time of my birth to sing, off key, happy birthday to me. I said I now know why I came out crying.

Speaking of crying, I attempted to make myself a birthday cake. I was informed I'm not supposed to do that but it's either I make myself a cake or go without. Saw a recipe on Pinterest - which I totally forgot to pin - and thought, I can do this. Apparently I can not.

The cake was fine because I used a box mix but the frosting was just wrong. So wrong we threw the whole cake away type of wrong. It called for 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream to be melted with white chocolate which was later supposed to be beat into a homemade whipped cream. All I can think of is the white chocolate wasn't cold enough because it just went wrong and kept on going.

Was probably for the best as I'm still trying to work off New Year's festivities.

The next day we went grocery shopping and wonder of wonders, the place was pretty much empty and we got out in record time AND there were more than 2 lanes open. Truly a miracle.

The older boys are just going nuts - Saturday kicks off the worshiparts program and they are beyond excited. Got to go see a buddy I don't see enough of and tomorrow I'm heading over to my cousin's place where I'm supposed to scrapbook. I say supposed to because I didn't get all my stuff together so I'm just going to take my cross-stitch project I've been working on for like ever. We're just going to hang out and talk anyways so no big deal.

We took an extra week off of school because it just seemed like the time flew by and I didn't get stuff done that I wanted to get done. So that fell through and I had to crack the whip to get the guys back at it. Feeling very sluggish. So sluggish in fact, that I didn't get up with them. At this stage they don't need me as they're all on their own studies and since Hubby is home - he can crack the whip.

Muwaha!

Lot of good stuff going on spiritually speaking. Not even sure where to start. Some of the reason I haven't blogged so much is I'm just not sure how to put it all into words. Well, I don't know where to stop putting it all into words. Sure is nice to be at a better place. I got laughing with my friend - when I look at all the crap I have gone through, whoa momma!

But I can say it's all good in the hood. Can't say that every day but I can today. Last week I got into a rip roaring fight with Hubs. Knock the door off the hinges, light bulbs flickering all the way around type of fight.

I'm sure none of you know what I'm talking about.

After the dust has settled, I can say it was needed. Things are being looked at on both ends of this equation we call marriage. Holy wow can marriage be one big old bear to dance with, but eventually, even a bear can be trained to get its grove on.

Now if we can just be doing the same dance at the same time....

And now I must slink off to bed as I have to get up early. Well, early for me anyway.

To Laugh Or To Cry....That Is The Question.

2012-01-06T17:27:00.004-05:00

I am convinced my life is one messed up mystery, who-done-it novel. Although I'm not sure what was done let alone the who part. And I'm now worried I'm supposed to figure this out with the sad, pathetic amount of clues....I don't have.

Anyhoo.....

My folks came up the other day. Here's the funny part - they so saved our bacon. Long story super short - someone they know blah, blah we got half a pig of meat. Record short story for me!

(Also makes that bacon comment funnier)

This is good because thanks to unemployment crap and end of year junk, we must file new claim but not yet or whatever. Translate to I have no idea when we're getting any money. Our savings is about gone. And miracle of miracles, I am not in a panic. Does this suck? You betcha. But we got meat and I spent the day coming up with a small grocery list to go with meat. Hooray for not starving!

Although, if I'm honest, we should go on a fast to purge the holiday goodness. I don't see this happening. At least not with the guys. I've almost convinced myself to give up food.....for about an hour.

But the visit with my folks wasn't too bad. My dad went off on this whole sermon about being a body, spirit, soul which one of the guys said "well, duh." The only thing we can come up with is that dude realizes he so missed some formidably years with his grandsons and now wants to cram a decade worth of bible sermons into every.single.visit.

What fun!

This, however, brings out the eye rolls of angst. And that is just from me. Sort of feels like he's acting like we haven't covered the basics so he's there to fill in the gap.

Speaking of gaps and like to shove someone in it...

I got another talking to regarding my brother. My mom is now misquoting scripture and adding things like, 'love thy brother as yourself'. After the 5th misquote all having to do with loving thy brother, I got the hint. Although Jared piped up that it's love thy neighbor as yourself, not brother.

Love that kid.

Whatever. I'm not sure what it is she's expecting me to do. 1) I don't have his address. 2) I don't care. 3) see #2. And 4) he's rather hard to talk to because he's EXACTLY like my mom only not as pleasant to talk to.

Let that one soak in for a second.

But that isn't the should I cry part. The funny part is my mom is calling around all over Fort Wayne, Indiana looking for a job for Hubs. Seriously? Seriously. Just what every son-in-law longs for in his heart - not for his mommy to find him a job BUT for his mommy-in-law to find him a job - in a city near said MIL whom, last I checked, despises with a good portion of his body, mind, and soul.

And there I is - in da middle of this....interesting tale of woe.

I am at a loss for words. And that is a new and weird feeling for me.

So would you laugh, cry, or drink yourself to the point where you just don't care? The only flaw with that is I'm too broke to buy anything of strong drink. Laughter it is.

So When Did It Become A New Year??

2012-01-04T21:50:00.003-05:00

Seems like the last couple weeks have flown by. It didn't really dawn on me that the holidays are over until I came down the steps to see Hubby dear had pulled up all the boxes to take down the Christmas stuff.

Good morning to you too.

I hate unemployment with a passion. Dude has wrecked my schedule all over the place. Plus he's been hogging the computer and has been bugging me to talk about......camping. Please shoot me. I'm sure no jury will convict you because I will even have a letter written on your behalf to not be held accountable.

My last couple of days have been listening to either camping crap, all talks of music, and Lego speak. All while having to have some look of intelligence because oh, the hurt feelings everyone has if I tend to nod off or drool from lack of brain activity. I have to be perky and listen while someone has been known to fall asleep in mid-sentence and then will argue with you that no, YOU were wrong because he wasn't sleeping, he was resting.

On second thought, don't shoot me, shoot him.

And I feel the need to apologize for using the same blog themes over and over but I'm sort of lacking in finding stuff I like. I might change it. I never know with me. Pinterest has taken up all my time to just look at stuff. I'm thinking about locking myself in the den with the computer so I won't have to put on a fake smile and try to pretend that I give a flying fart about some stupid guy staying in a yert and all his survival skills. I'm still not sure what a yert is nor do I care to.

My luck they'll break down the door with an axe and build some type of shelter from the door splinters and then ask what's for dinner. I'm only slightly kidding - about the door.

But hey, I hope I'll get back at it here shortly.

Yeah, I Know

2011-12-29T19:10:00.004-05:00

I haven't posted in a while. The amount of wicked hormones and levels I was at - it was a good thing I stayed away. There was a lot of tears and chocolate involved. No one was to blame other than the evil hormone fairy. Because girlfriend kicked my butt through the goal posts of crazy.

The only upside was one day the spawnage got a bit feisty and the cloud of stupid was present in all 4 guys. My crazy showed up and scared the cloud of stupid. Never saw it run out of the room so fast before in my life. It was almost epic.

But we had a very nice Christmas. Quiet and drama free. Neither set of in-laws were able to come. Bliss. We were able to surprise the guys with a couple things which was awesome because we haven't been able to do that for a few years. Felt nice and reminded me of yesteryear of no more when the kids were little and so full of excitement they couldn't stand it.

It is so weird having older kids because they're all practical and it's hard to get them anything without their approval. I don't dare pick up anything for them because been there, done that not doing it again. I got them good because I told them I was going to wrap stuff so just act surprised when they opened it. And surprise! There was a little bit extra. Muwahahaa! Momma still got it.

It's been quiet as the guys have been in the lair. Hearing the laughter and noises has been hilarious while I'm wrapped up and reading a book. But it's been quiet - such a sweet precious thing for a mother of boys.

Then today we got the official notice that we have to be out by June 15th. I spent most of the day hunched over with killer man cramps to really give a flying fart.

Bring on the new year.

Speaking of, we're just going to hang out and play board games. We're took the guys to see Sherlock Holmes (awesome movie) and Mission Impossible 4 (was pretty good). I got one last round of making stuff for the snack-a-palooza and then we might take down the decorations. Then again, might do it next weekend. Not sure yet. I have heard there is going to be 1 Nerf war. Someone has been a stick in the mud as he feels he's too grown up to do this any more and his dignity is feeling severally strained.

I'm sure Nicholas will get over it eventually. So fun is being had by all.

I will say even though it will be a record breaking year for the chocolate industry, and I'm pretty sure the tissue industry will see a jump in sales as well, it's not as bad as it all sounds. Well, it does sound bad, but it's not effecting me as badly as it would of in the past.

While yeah it sucks and lots of unknown, I am no where near depressed like I was a few years ago. I'm still glad 2009 is dead. I did go outside and visit it's grave and did a happy dance on it's head. But looking forward to what the new year will bring. Feeling like this long, sad tale of woe is about to come to a close and something new is on the horizon. At times I'm thrilled but to be honest, I'm scared mostly of the unknown.

And running out of chocolate.

So even though I've been quite, and there have been issues, it's still all good in the hood.

Some Title That Is Supposed To Make Sense

2011-12-21T23:47:00.005-05:00

Because really there is only so many ways I can say AAAHHHH!

I'm a bit cheesed off at myself. All day I had a blog post rolling around in my head. Between the mountain of laundry and epic piles of cookie sheets to clean....I haven't been able to make it too the computer.

I've finally made it to the computer. I am totally ignoring the baskets of CLEAN clothes that now need to be folded. The guys are all in bed. I have the place to myself and now? Nothing. Can't think of a single thing. Happens every time.

I would like the record to show that I did have a functioning brain at one point in time....but then I had children and they've managed to suck it right out of me. Now I find myself standing in a corner, maybe even drooling a bit, wondering what the heck it was I was looking for.

Good times.

But we are enjoying our break. We did survive the family get together. Was glad to see some people. My Mom pulled a fast one - she had my niece with them. Thankfully nephew wasn't there as he had to work. Would have taken awkward to a whole new level.

Gotta love family.

I was slightly amused that Mom ended up sitting by herself knitting. Turns out I'm not the only family member who can't stomach all her talk that the world is coming to an end and we'll have to barter with toilet paper. Tell ya with conversation like that, it's a wonder why she isn't invited to more functions. Nothing can ruin a festive mood faster than my mom!

We went back to their apartment and no matter how nuts I think she is, the woman can decorate like nobodies business! She had their apartment decked out for the holidays. If only she would use her powers for good instead of evil. She could make magazine covers run for their money! I'm trying hard not to be envious of her talents because I did not get that gene.

I've learned from past experience not to ask her to help me decorate because for whatever reason it turns out badly. I think it might be some subliminal message or something. Anything she's done for me is not her best and she thinks she knows what I want or tells me what I want.

Yeah, no.

Was happy no fur was flying and also relieved the whole thing is done and over. Was supposed to meet with some friends but they got hit with the flu. We decided to pass. Hopefully we'll see them soon. Otherwise I'm going to have to go to the store and get more stuff as I was supposed to bring a couple desserts which are all now totally polished off. *burp*

There is some strategy. Make something that the guys all pound on first so I get first crack at something I like. Evil? Maybe. But ask me if I care.

Growing up my mom made an Oreo peppermint dessert this time of year because for some odd reason it's the only time you can get peppermint ice cream. And this dessert is something that I deeply love.

Bag of Oreo's smashed to bits, little butter to make a crust
Container of Peppermint Ice Cream
Chocolate Fudge Frosting
Cool Whip

Deeeeeeppply love.

Something about chocolate and peppermint that is just so right.

Take a bag of Oreo's, pretend they are someone you don't like and beat the stuffing out of it. Reserve 1/4- 1/3 cup of crumbs for topping. Mix crushed Oreo with some melted butter (2-4 Tablespoons I think) spread into a greased pan.

(A 13x9 seems to be a bit too big but an 8x8 is too small. Sadly for you I can't remember the size of the pan nor do I have the ambition to get up and go look. You're welcome.)

Spread peppermint ice cream over Oreo crust. Spread chocolate fudge frosting over ice cream. (I should warn you "spreading" frosting over cold ice cream is rather tricky. Plus you have to be fast about it so the ice cream doesn't melt.)

Top with Cool Whip and then sprinkle reserved crumbs over top and then shove into freezer for a couple hours.

You can share it with others or totally hog it to yourself. My plan almost worked but I was busted and had to share with everyone. Sigh

I was also told I couldn't get 6 peppermint ice creams either when we go grocery shopping. Something about not enough freezer space for that and normal food. And I was voted down for skipping normal food.

Whatever.

I Don't Want To Say We're Busy BUT....

2011-12-15T14:17:00.004-05:00

It has been nuts. Our house went up for a sheriff's sale today. I have no idea if a sheriff is going to show up and give us notice or what. But we are officially on the clock to get the heck out.

No pressure.

Hubby order round 2 of the pharm stuff. It wasn't cheap and he will have to get his certification in Houston, Texas. He said a plane ticket is around $400. I don't remember what else he said because I'm pretty sure I blacked out. I woke up looking up with the guys standing over me saying, "that's gonna leave a mark."

No sympathy whatsoever.

Nicholas and Michael had auditions today. They are joining a WorshipArts program. They did really, really good. The guy was impressed with them so happy is floating all the way around here. That will start up in January and will end in April. Right now they have 1 final exam then we are officially on break.

Which is good because I need a break.

Did I mention we're going to see my folks and doing a family get together this weekend? My mom keeps trying to get us to spend the night. I keep telling her no. There is only so much I can take before I snap.

So I'm baking like crazy, running on a little sleep because we were all nervous for the guys and Hubby was having epic weird dreams where he was running in his sleep and randomly yelling. Truly is a miracle I didn't try shoving his pillow down his throat.

I am a bit concern though. Found this letter to Santa from my brain.

Dear Santa,
I think this year I would like to have a few days of quiet all to myself. Granted I understand the padded walls are standard in this establishment but I really could use a more cheerful color. And I know you are big into white and all but this jacket isn't really in my color pallet. Not to mention it's no where near my size. While we're at it, who ever heard of putting buckles and straps on the back side of it anyway? I would have left you cookies but that's a rare commodity in this establishment as no matter how many are made they disappear just as fast.

Something tells me this is going to be an interesting few days.

I Am Laughing Hysterically

2011-12-11T16:12:00.005-05:00

What can be so hysterical you may wonder?

Or not. But that's besides the point.

I am laughing hysterically because reality showed up and danced on someone else's head other than mine for once and it's been comical. And I will own up to the fact that I tossed my head back and cackled with glee. I am still feeling ooey and gooey which, I am sure, will come back to get me.

I have joked around for years that the rapture was going to have to happen before my twins started to drive because I wasn't sure I could handle that amount of stress - times 2.

And lo, the twins were slightly offended - hurt even that I thought they didn't have what it takes to operate a vehicle.

Fast forward to a few days ago....or maybe that's rewind to a few days ago. I was out running errands with my posse so I started to tell them to pay attention and pretend they are driving. Did you see that car pull out? Does that other ~~douche bag~~ driver look like he's going to pull out in front of me? On and on I tossed out the questions.

I even had them sit behind the wheel and starting to get them familiar with hey, this is a dashboard. Because as a homeschooling momma, I try to get them to start thinking about it now and how to approach it before shoving them behind the wheel and wishing them the best of luck. This, of course, will be while I drink myself into oblivion because my life flashed before my eyes - times 2.

And my how the reality, and the full blown panic, has set in. On their end.

We all knew I would have issues over this whole ordeal. And they are accustom to see me freaking out on a regular basis over any and everything, but for the freak out to be on their end was, well, rather humbling for them.

I'm still cackling over it.

Me, being me, has noticed the rapture hasn't happened to date, so I have decided to pony up and now I bring it up all the time. I haven't freaked out - yet, but they haven't actually driven yet. I'm pretty sure I have on a couple occasion given them massive overload and have fried their little brains.

They now look at me like I have some super human power to be able to do it all with ease. There is a bit of respect looking at me from Nicholas' general direction. And that takes a lot for him. Both are looking at me like, "please don't make me, mommy!!!" And after knowing how hurt and offended they have been for years, I can.not.stop.laughing.

I'm sure that isn't a wise thing to do but that's where I'm at right now. This may just be how I'm coping. I'm not sure. And before we say just let dad teach them....who do you think is going to be stuck in the vehicle with them racking up their practice hours? Dad who works? Or mom who is the house slave to everyone else's agenda, has no life, and has been right there every step of their life?

Hmm, that sounded slightly bitter.

But so painfully true.

I'm the better driver on the merit I can stay awake even when I'm tired. Chances are rather high that it's going to be freaking me to do this. I've heard so many people say I have it easy because I can pass off all the hard challenging issues to Hubby. That is an urban myth!! That hasn't happened on ANY subject. Did I mention they are 16???

I am a firm believer that it takes guts and grit to raise boys. And if you don't think you have either, just wait - you will find yourself saying things and doing things you never thought you could or would. All to push these wild crazy boys onto the next level. Because the thought of them failing and just hanging around you the rest of their lives is not an option. If that doesn't put grit in your giddy-up-and-go, I don't know what will.

The boys did beg not to have to drive Clifford the big red work truck. Frankly, I'm right there with them because I'm not a fan of driving that thing either. I now find myself in this odd predicament of having to give pep talks to the guys that they can do this, yet keeping my freak outs away from them because that causes them to have a relapse.

Please kill me off now. They haven't even driven once and the drama is at this level. I'm not sure any of us can take it if it gets amped up.

Can We Say Eek?

2011-12-06T01:48:00.004-05:00

Life seems to be this interesting pace of super slow or super fast. Rarely, if ever, does it go nice and steady, keeping the same pace.

We seemed to have hit hyper-active drive.

I could just say, tis the season and while most of it is true, seems like there are a few other things tossed in. After years of just sitting and pushing forward in the oatmeal bowl of life, now it seems like there is this big push to go, go, go get this done, start looking at this and blah, blah, blah.

Um, okay?

I have a bully of an angel that is totally harassing me. I'm trying to look at the positive side that it must be an angel. Either that or my to-do list just took steroids and has turned into some sort of weird beast.

I find it rather weird that after pleading for years the whole 'what are we going to do' prayer and have had nothing but silence to suddenly have a drill instructor telling me to haul arse is a bit unnerving, to say the least. Especially since it isn't my arse that needs to haul, but I am the one that is supposed to keep these guys on track and make sure they get it done all on multiple levels.

I think that falls under irony. Hateful little bastard.

Top it off, I just found out we're having the work Christmas party this weekend rather than closer to Christmas. I always make treats for the boss. So that means I don't have the stuff planned, bought, or made. Which means I now have to go back to stuffmart.

Oh could I, please?!?

If you see me sobbing in the chocolate aisle just ignore me. But the upside is the movie The Help comes out on DVD and I am so getting it.

Holy Jammie Pants, Batman!

2011-12-02T01:25:00.005-05:00

Sadly, we have been in our local stuffmart way more than normal this week. I've said a time or 50 that I can't help but feel that society is truly in the toilet after seeing so many people out and about in public in their pj's.

I wasn't allowed out of the house unless my hair was combed.

And I'm starting to think this may be a style trend. Jammie pants, boots or slippers, coat, and 2 different types of scarves.

Really?

When we had to go grocery shopping it was surprisingly peaceful. However, we stopped counting how many pj's we saw sashaying through the aisles. Every imaginable print you can think of and it was both male and female offenders.

Again I ask, really??

This is not helping me with Jared who has the Jethro gene, aka redneck, floating through his veins that randomly show up. He started to point out everyone who passed by and declared, rather loudly, that THEY are wearing pj's in public and wanted to know why he couldn't. Turns out that people who wear this outfit have no problem hearing, because I was given many a dirty look when I replied, "because we have higher standards on what is acceptable and appropriate while in public."

My favorite was a woman of grandma age that was in pink jammie pants with penguins all over them, matching top, cute boots, and coat WITH matching scarf and mittens.

Jared took one look at her and said, "well at least she jazzed up the bum look up."

It was at that moment I chose to concentrate REALLY hard on my grocery list because there was no way in the world I was going to make eye contact with her. This continued for the next 6 aisles. He came up with something new every.single.aisle.

We're not really sure why we let him live.

But I will say it was freaking hilarious.

By aisle 6, she was pissed and chose to end her shopping or just picked up the pace. I can't say as I blame her because would you want to hear, "hey those penguins look really festive and happy to be out of the house" over and over again?

The sad thing is Nicholas and I took one look at each other and busted out laughing. Hubby and Michael had their poker faces on. N and I do not posses poker faces and J has no clue what that means. So 3 out of 5 of us were laughing so hard we started to snort while the other 2 casually chuckled. We get to the end of the aisle and Michael said ever so quietly, "I bet she'll think twice before wearing that again in public." and Nicholas said, "well if she runs into us again, I'm sure we'll refresh her memory."

And I lost it again.

Took me 5 minutes to stop laughing because the look on this lady's face? P-r-i-c-e-l-e-s-s.

I'm pretty sure we're flagged on their security. The greeters recognize us and some are genuinely happy to see us and there are 2 that always give me that stern look like behave yourself young lady.

As if.

I feel the amount of pain and suffering I go through just shopping there entitles me to be bat sh*t insane just like everyone else. I'm at least dressed and as a bonus I wear undergarments. So help me I will scream discrimination if they try to kick me out.

At least I'm not like my FIL who has been known to go into the fitting area and ask other people for a roll of toilet paper.

I wish I were kidding.

Where I Say Oops

2011-11-29T13:08:00.002-05:00

I had this originally titled this, What I Did Over The Weekend and then I was all no, seriously I'm asking because it flew by fast and it just sort of seems like a blur.

However, I never really did get around to actually, you know, posting it so now this will just be one long post where your eyes will roll back in your head, and you will yell at the screen, dear God woman, what is up with you and all the words coming out of your mouth?

At least that's what my husband usually says to me.

I tell him it's probably paybacks for something he did and that always shuts him up. He really needs to quit doing that because this only gets my curiosity and then I tend to stalk him to get him to confess. Either that or I guess stupid things like he was a cat-bugler in Paris when he was 6.

He hasn't confess but he has tossed a pillow at my head a few times. I'm waiting for him to come up with something along the lines that the word marriage is some ancient definition of torturing the person who promised not to leave your side and loving every minute of it.

But if you manage to make it through the post I have have 2 jokes at the end, so your patients will be rewarded. Or you'll scroll down to the bottom and cheat. You so would too, wouldn't you?

Thanksgiving - no extended family, lots of food, stretchy pants, and complete bliss. What's not to be thankful? Although the bird did get done faster than what we were expecting but that just meant we ate sooner. Again, what's not to be thankful about that?

We.pigged.out.

The next day I really couldn't tell you because I read a book the whole day and the guys were either playing video games, building Lego ships, or killing each other. I'm not sure which and all 3 may have happened. Well, except the killing part because that would have involved noise. They have learned if they reach a certain level, I will just show up with my angry eyes and murderlate all of them.

Yes, I made up that word up.

I am, of course, kidding because if I'm going to do hard core prison time it will be for something way over the top. Then again I could just wipe them all out so no one is left suffering.

I am so giving like that.

Saturday I had enough of these people and ran away for the day with Kerri. We laughed, we didn't cry, but I'm pretty sure we laughed at people. At least this time no one threw a fork at her so I think it still ranks up there with fun. Maybe not wild and crazy that someone has to throw a fork at us to simmer down, but fun none the less.

I came home and the first thing I was asked as I walked through the door was, "is it time to decorate the tree?!" Which is a shame because it was at that very moment all ambition and energy decided they didn't want to come in just yet and ran out of the house screaming, "I have her keys, so gun it."

I'm still not sure how they managed to even get the keys but I guess that's a mute point.

So up went the tree and Jared and I decorated it. Well, he helped then decided he was done so he left and I ended up finishing it. All while Hubby did the rest of the place. J came back down and oohed and aahed over everything and then wanted to know how come the tree had more decorations on it.

Seriously? I'm still not sure how he got the Jethro gene, but when I isolate that bad boy in Hubby's gene pool, I will wipe it out so as not to taint the next generation.

All of this holiday cheer brought up the subject of cookies. You remember what happened last year so I found myself rather curious as to how this is going to play out. All I know is Hubby dear said he would help with the cookies and would do a better job at cleaning up. I have witnesses so he is so toast if he tries to weasel out of it.

And because you've made it this far, or were looking where to stop scrolling, I have 2, count them 2 bird jokes to pass along.

A man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said:

"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly:

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

QUICKIE IN THE BUSHES:

There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life!!

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions....This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you sh*t on its head.'

And just what were YOU thinking???

Drama, Drama, Drama

2011-11-22T15:57:00.008-05:00

I've heard the phrase save the drama for your mama. I wish. Maybe drama is really just a nice word for crap.

The Xbox 360 drama is more than enough to make me want to get a bat and go all crazy....um, er - crazier.

The whole Halo saga has been much talked about or at least I think because I'll admit it, I zoned out more than a hundred times. There is only so much I can take people. And these guys have yet to realize a girl's brain is waaay different than a guy's brain. No amount of rants, tantrums, or emotional mood swings will get me to join forces with their stupid.

Now that the guys have the beloved expensive moody machine - wait, I think Hubby said that was the definition of me. Um, awkward. Anyhoo the stupid anniversary Halo game wouldn't load no matter what we tried. My phone, because it's the smartest thing in the house, came up with a few suggestions and still no luck. Hubby came up with the brilliant idea of just ordering the old game so the guys could at least know the story line.

As if I care.

They all deemed him very smart and while angst was still here, it did appease all. Dude even contacted someone that fixes XBox and that was starting to look like a possibility but that would mean at least a week without the thing. So the angst level went right back up.

Monday the game arrived, which surprised all of us and they were flying through a few levels. I made the suggestion to try re-loading the anniversary one to see if it would work now and it did! I guess I just racked up more points on the awesome mom scale.

So I haven't seen my spawn for a few hours now and I'm fine with that. School work has been done in record time. Which is good because I've needed some peace and quiet to have a nice little meltdown. Very hard to keep a straight face in front of your kids when all I can do is panic.

Found out our house is going up for a sheriff's sale Dec. 15th. We'll then have 6 months to redeem the house or get out. Yessiry, Bob. Nothing like having no clue on what the next step is supposed to be and trying to remain calm.

So far I have fooled the masses.

And by masses I mean I speak to no one, so no one has a clue.

Oddly enough, after a good 15 minute cry, I felt at peace and really know that things are going to work out in the end. Am I happy about this? Hells no! And if you think I am, you must be new or slightly medicated. I hate that we're having to go through this. I really hate that here we go again through ANOTHER crappy situation. During my cry fest I asked God why would He want us to be crap experts because I'm pretty sure I've seen just about every texture of crap out there.

I just barfed a little in my mouth - moving on.

However, there are some silver linings to all this um, well...crap. This house is over 150 years old. Girlfriend has some serious sagging issues and her exterior, all brick, is having some cracking issues and issues upon issues. It's going to take booku bucks and bucks, especially in the booko range, is not something we have.

(Also I have no clue how to spell booku. I think it's supposed to be something like beaucoup.)

Spell check hates me, btw.

So just sitting here with one crappy situation after another has basically forced me to chill out and let go of some things. I can't change any of it or goodness knows I would have done something about it. Like beat the crap out of it with a wooden mallet.

I got a few emails calling me Pollyanna from my last post. Pah-lease! Nothing in my situation has changed. It has been an extremely hard 3-4 years and that was coming off of the hard years of all the drama with my folks fighting the law and the law not only winning, but stomping all over everything. Like Christmas.

After reading a few books on gratitude, and getting pinned to the spiritual mat, I've made the choice to look for something to be grateful about. And you can just bet your sweet biscuits that first week I was every bit as snarky and sarcastic of gee thanks God for this ginormous pile of crap You've bestowed upon me.

Testing the patients of God and still alive to talk about it.

However, He got the ultimate paybacks when He used my own kids against me. Clearly I am up against a master. The guys had sour attitudes galore! I was re-thinking about selling them for a pack of gum when my lesson for the day was when I felt God say, "huh, they sound just like you."

Cwap, cwap, and extra cwap.

(I already had my fill of crap. Cwap is more of a Ruh-roh, Raggie - I'm busted.)

After that unpleasantness, I started to see what I could really be thankful about and the more I focused on that, a lot of the bad stuff faded out of focus. I think that's when things started shifting for me. There are days when my knees are knocking and I don't know if I can even catch my breath but when I look at God and Him not giving up on me - there is just something to it.

Again, nothing has changed but I am at peace. And having faced all this crap for a loooong time with no peace, I would rather face it with peace.

We've all heard that you need the yucky stuff to make a cake and blah, blah. Okay, I get it but I really hope all this crap and drama would go away soon. Because there is only so much chocolate.

And now I want cake. Crap!

Why Shucks

2011-11-21T00:12:00.005-05:00

The lovely Maggie gave me a lovely bloggy award.

It has been a long time since I've had a blog award and honestly most of my bloggy buddies have stopped blogging. The award is for blogs with under 200 followers. So if you qualify and are a regular peep go ahead and grab it.

It's weird because I had to stop and think how long I've been blogging and when I look at the date I'm thinking dang! Has it really been that long? I've come a long way, I've still got a ways to go, but just chugging along on my crazy train called life.

I've tried to sit down and blog what all has been going on with me and there is just too much to cover. I feel like I'm at a totally different place which is weird because NOTHING is different with our circumstances. Life still sucks to some degree but I'm not in that dark place and I have no idea what I did different to get out of it. But I am ever so grateful. Grateful to feel hope again even though there really isn't any sign of it around. Grateful that I'm feeling joy again even though I can't really say why I do.

So many people have been saying things they are thankful for during this month. I've noticed a lot of people can be thankful for the sunshine but try being thankful in the midst of the storm when the wind is howling and things are just pelted at you left and right. I'm thankful for the storm as it has been in my darkest hour that I've grown the most, that I've discovered I can survive on my own without people holding my hand, and I'm a lot stronger and more capable than I ever give myself credit for. I also appreciate when the sun does shine so much more because guarantee the dark clouds aren't that far off to blow through again, but I can take in the moment and sigh with appreciation. For a long time I couldn't do that.

I guess I'm thankful for this crazy train that still is a rolling and I'm thankful for my InterPeeps that tune in over and over.

Taking A Moment To Say....

2011-11-18T12:02:00.003-05:00

I think I have discovered some top secret insider information. Go shopping at the Wal-Marts opening day of hunting season because it was dead, dead, d-e-a-d. No screaming children, hardly anyone was even in the store and they were pulling out stuff for the holiday madness. It was thee most pleasant and uneventful stuffmart trip we've ever had. And...the prices were back to somewhat normal.

We are still baffled that we got all the stuff for Thanksgiving and this time around was cheaper than the last few months. So strange! And while I would like to go off about some mad conspiracy, I won't and will just say I was happy for the break.

Speaking of happy, I have been having some jean issues. None of them were fitting and I have 2 pair I can just yank and they'll fall off. Those seem to be Hubs' favorite jeans. Hilarious that one. Thanks to the wonder of having twins, my skin is beyond shot. While yes, I am stuffed with too much fluff (working on it) the baggy skin sure doesn't help. So imagine my surprise when I tried on a smaller size jean and it fit! I even sat down in them and didn't turn purple.

Truly a miracle! Because I've had jeans in the past where they fit great so long as I didn't sit down. I'm sure none of you have ever experienced that before.

Uh-huh.

Although all this effort is in danger of being sabotaged as I keep finding awesome yummy looking recipes off of Pinterest. Holy smokes! Let's just say the holidays are going to be pretty yum-tastic and I think I'm going to get to practice some self-control.

There was the last of something I baked and Hubby found me chanting, "I am developing fruit and I have the fruit of self-control." After I swiped the last piece anyway he asked what happened and I said it is winter therefore not fruit season.

Actually, I'm kidding. I tossed it at him and told him to eat it. He's now complaining that he's gaining weight because of these tactics. Cry me a river Mr. Been Skinny My Whole Life and Eats Like A Pig.

I guess I don't have the fruit of sympathy. I'm sure if we polled my boys they would all say, "ya think?"

I'm not sure when or even how but I have managed to beat the casserole blues. And since I'm finding recipes like crazy, I think this is good timing. I'm baking all this awesome stuff but with all these guys I'm lucky to get even 2 bites of anything so this is working for me. They keep singing my praises on how awesome everything is.

Suddenly this is explaining the ridiculous grocery trips we've been having.

But I can have a taste of something without having to finish something off as these guys will pounce on it. Although as I'm battling to cut back on sugar, I've found that some stuff is too sweet so I can only handle a few bites anyway. Freaky.

Unless we're talking about Steak n Shakes white chocolate holiday shakes because all bets are off on those puppies!

Who Knew Right?

2011-11-15T01:17:00.002-05:00

That time goes faster than you can imagine and suddenly it's been days since you thought of anything to blog about...or even blogging period.

Epic.

But....it's.....been......r-e-a-l-l-y......busy.

So you are left with these sad little blog posts that pretty much says nothing. Oddly enough, I think all my posts sound like that so really is this any different from all the other drivel? Anyone?

In-laws didn't stay for very long. Turns out they were really broke and think they can only stay unless we do shopping out the wazoo. While I know my wazoo could use some retail therapy, it's not a requirement. But short and sweet so there is nothing wrong with that.

I will go off on a mild rant. I've noticed that all the local stores have jacked up their prices - by a lot! I went into Fashion Bug to try and snag a pair of jeans only to discover the same brand jeans went from about $20 to $39.99. Come again?? Even the clearance stuff was just the regular price but marked down from the crazy ticket price.

Me thinketh not.

Made my way over to the stuffmart only to noticed the last couple months our grocery bill has been a lot higher. We started price checking stuff and every item in the store is up. Not happy, Bob. As if things haven't been tight enough, now I'm going to get strangled by the local store that already gets a lot of my money as it is?

Of course you know, this means war.

I'm not sure how I will wage this war but I feel it is there none the less.

So with that off my chest, I will try to come up with something soon. I got all caught up on laundry which is nothing short of a miracle. Got to go see a good friend that I don't get to a whole lot and lurved every second of it. Wish I could pause those moment to just savor it a little bit longer but reminds me why it's so precious to begin with. Cuz time is short.

I Crawled Out Of The Laundry Pile To Say....

2011-11-11T16:21:00.002-05:00

Dang it is stinking in there!

I have been on speed high (no I didn't take speed nor am I high) to get stuff done. My in-laws will be pulling in this evening and I had my folks here the other night getting some of their stuff. I'm still sort of riding the wave of the whole Joyce and boys birthday and running around like a chicken to get caught up on everything just in time for company.

Oh could we please??

Should be interesting as in hand me my wooden mallet. I'm still playing rock, paper, scissors with myself to see who's gonna get a ker-pow to the head.

Hopefully I'll be back into the blog for both my readers who thought I have fallen off the face of the earth. That is both a no but at the same time yes spelled Pinterest. Dude! Finding recipes that have turned out epic and awesome all rolled into one. Epawesome? Awesomic? Best time suck I have ever encountered! Well besides blogging....and...um, facebook......and....maybe Twitter. But this is way cooler.

Off to battle another load. And to question myself how is it my boys have stormed a sewer, battled monsters, and came out alive but have the tale on their clothes and was unaware of all of this because GAG!!!

It Was Epic!!

2011-11-07T23:11:00.001-05:00

I have tried to write this post a couple times but things are still crazy busy around here. I was going to tell ya to grab a snack and try to mush it all into one post but I feel asleep half way through and didn't want to put you through that. So I will either get it all out there or not and you'll just have to know it was awesome and so very needed.

But I do have a funny as only this crap can happen to me.

I made it to Ft. Wayne, IN and by that time I had to pee. I'm talking get out of my way because I will hurt you if you try to block me kind of pee. I know, TMI but there is a reason for sharing this. I get off the highway and things are sort of looking familiar. It's as I pulled into Meijer's that it dawned on me that my folks' apartment is on this same road. Since I was operating with a bladder that was not going to be denied, I threw caution to the wind and pulled over immediately.

(We'll leave off I drove right past a rest stop on the highway and didn't even pay attention.)

As I was walking towards the door I just thought the words 'what are the odds I'll run into someone I actually know?' when right at that exact moment I saw my dad.

Seriously???

He was about 5 seconds from seeing me so I called out dad? and dude about dropped the water he was carrying. He was all what are you doing here? Talk about busted. I had emailed them the night before but sort of left off that I was going to be in the area because I knew he and my mom would want to tag along and my cousin and I kept it quiet specifically for that very reason. That and if her mom would have found out and she would have insisted on coming too.

Oh could we? NOT.

Part of the reason my cousin and I get along so well is we have mother issues. And both of our mom's would have just messed up the whole weekend.

So I fessed up to my dad and he said - quoting here, "I saw that you posted that."

Come again??

He quickly changed the subject but I have to say all the pieces fell into a loud click. I think their friend that found my blog, and still occasionally reads my blog, told them about it. Suddenly the whole e-mail of I'm disrespecting my mom makes sense. He must still be reading the new stuff. Wait until he backs up a few years. That ought to be exciting.

I will say it ticks me off because now I will always wonder of who's reading this. Granted that is the risk you run but it just grates on me that it's one more thing for them to try and ruin. But I will say if he is reading this, it proves my point of the title Howard the coward because pretty chicken to read this and say nothing to my face about it. But then this shouldn't surprise me because heaven forbid we actually talk about anything of importance.

So much for therapy and making progress as now I have THE PROBLEM staring at it. I'm now asking Hubby to apply for a job in California.

After relieving myself, I took dad back to his apartment and he asked me to come in and surprise my mom. She was back on the computer so he started singing, "good morning to you, good morning to you" and I hopped around the corner and sang, "good morning dear sunshine."

Oh irony, I will find you and kill you - slowly.

Mom was all this is a wonderful surprise and went on and on. Thy name is guilt. And true to form, my dad was all we were thinking of coming to the same conference so give me your cell number so we can find you and then we can grab dinner together.

Well played, devil.

They now have my cell number. Made a note to myself to google info on moving to a different country.

It did crack me up that they grabbed their digital camera and was flipping through all their pictures to show me what they've been doing for the last few months. Surely I have the face that portrays the look of 'I don't care' on it.

I guess I was wrong.

They then started arguing over some cousin or something whom I've never met, nor care to meet and blah, blah I zoned out. I think I was having an out of body experience. I had to get going because I was now late meeting up with my cousin. And then I got lost.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned I have no sense of direction. I'm talking can't find my way out of a wet paper bag type of dysfunction. And what luck, it was working nicely. I called my cousin and she came and found me and after we squealed with delight for a few minutes, we drove back to the airport. I parked my van there to make sure it was safe. At this point, I was paranoid my folks were following me and would have planted listening devices all over it.

If you knew my mother you would totally understand that last sentence. Remember just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

I told my cousin the bullet that was just lobbed at me. And then she had to spend an hour telling me it was just the devil and they really weren't going to come. She turned out to be right but still can.not.believe that I tend to have crappy luck. It was shortly after that we were almost plowed into by a semi-truck. Lovely.

As a side note, I am not a fan of Cleveland, Ohio. Just thought I would toss that out. If you are from there I am so sorry for your luck. We got on a bus to try and find the stadium where the Joyce Meyer Conference was being held and my life flashed before my eyes no less than 20 times. I am still convinced the bus-driver was aiming for pedestrians and parked cars.

By this time, my cousin and I were just a ball of nerves that was beyond frayed. It was evening and we had yet to eat anything. Since running into my dad we were running a little late. And what is the deal that there was no fast food around the hotels?? We pretty much starved the whole weekend but gosh we had Starbucks.

And it wasn't a full service Starbucks with food. Oh goodness no, we can't have that. No, it was a side bar that only made.....wait for it....coffee.

Crickets chirping

I'm thinking this was a mad conspiracy because yikes. But the bonus is I lost weight over the weekend.

BUT...the conference was awesome. The worship was amazing. The messages were a combination of OW, I needed that, and right on the money, with a side of ker-power. She was teaching on the Fruit of the Spirit. In one of the sessions she said that she felt led to pray over people as they have been falsely accused, talked about, deeply betrayed, and have people who were close to them toss them under the bus.

Dude! It's like she knew.

Her prayer was so spot on with everything I've gone through the last few years, I was moved to tears. And I hate to cry in front of people. I've had it used against me too many times.

It was just a really good time. Really needed it. And it's really exhausting to hang out with a 24 year old who's legs are a lot longer than mine. My calf muscles were screaming by the last day.

When we finally got back to Ft. Wayne I was so tired I was about to fall over. I called my folks as they were waiting on me to call them when I got back. Proceeded to get lost - again. Managed to find their place and then was there for the next 5 hours. I kid you not. They fed me and were all being normal. It was weird. When it's just me, it's like they're my parents but if Hubs and the boys are around they act all pissed off.

Talk about your mind bender, your brain scrambler, the yoke cooker. But for whatever reason it woke me up and then I made the trek home. So in a weird sort of way, it was good I stopped because I can say from experience that it's not good to be that tired and head off to drive a couple hours.

The next day was the twins' birthday. 16. I am still in denial, thankyouverymuch.

We took them to Cracker Barrel because I was still exhausted and I didn't feel like making lasagna and a make a birthday cake. So we made sure to stuff ourselves and then just did the cake in the evening. It worked out well.

While I was gone the guys went camping and I sort of blackmailed Jared that if he didn't complain I would take him to see Puss N Boots. That and I had a feeling he was going to bug his brothers because dude is all about the video games. Paid the piper and took him Monday but he came back and gasp bugged his brothers for a turn.

I knew this was going to go down like this and tried to prepare him and all involved, so I feel that I went above and beyond the call of duty only to be shot down and burn into a pile of ashes.

After I banged my head into the wall several times, I made lasagna and Jared something different. I think I would have snapped if he would have complained about dinner again. Once all that was done and the air was all cleared, Hubby informed me that work is slowing down as in not sure if he's working the rest of the week.

Reality can go away any second now.

Road Trip!!

2011-11-03T06:43:00.003-04:00

Who knew there were 2 6:30s? What's the deal with that??

All packed and almost ready to head out the door to go meet up with my cousin and then off to Cleveland, Ohio for a Joyce Meyer conference. Woo hoo!! I'm sure the guys will all miss me, especially come dinner time but I am willing to make these types of sacrifices. Nothing like getting your butt smacked and slipper slapped upside the head live and in person.

Should be epic.

Oh The Excitement!

2011-11-01T01:14:00.003-04:00

Things are at an all time crazy around here. Which is quite the accomplishment when you consider it's usually deader than a dried snail.

Now there's a mental imagine for ya.

We did our Halloween tradition which is to get out of dodge because we like to keep our candy and go to Steak n Shake as the holiday shakes are now upon us. And there was rejoicing in the land. Say with me....."white.....chocolate.....shake"

After we inhaled that goodness, we headed over to the Game Stop where we got the last of the stuff the guys needed and they picked out their games. My pocket book is still crying. No one ever informed me that those bouncing babies get more expensive the older they get. Where is the fairness of that I ask you???

While they were doing that I went to Target. Because there is only so much I can handle and I feel the need to stick it to Hubs every chance that I can get. He's learned not to complain too much because I tend to top him with all the crap I go through all day, every day 24/7 365 days a year.

Not that I'm counting. Because at this stage, it really is pointless.

So there I was - in a store - all alooone.

You can almost hear the heavenly choir playing, can't you? At least I would have if they weren't playing some crappy music over the sound system.

One thing I have learned is that all stores are pretty much dead on Halloween evening. Works for me! This means there was no bumper carts or anything to be concerned with. Since I was minus guys, I was looking at clothes. And I have discovered that I've lost just enough weight that most of my stuff is baggy but I haven't lost enough weight to go into the next size down. I'm pretty sure that equals the fashion gods are a bunch of jerks and might be out to get me.

(I am still bitter about the whole pegged legged look. If you had any hips than it just made them look that much wider. And what luck!! I have ridiculously small feet, especially for my height. I looked like an upside down triangle. Here's a hint - it wasn't flattering.)

I really need a coat for this upcoming trip. I found 3 I was in lurv with but it fit everywhere except.....wait for it.....the arms. ???? Really??? Really? All 3 were too tight in the arms. That isn't the biggest part on me and that is what was taking down my dreams of coat goodness?!?

Curse you Aquascum!

The guys found me in a heap on the floor cursing the fashion gods and aquascum. We checked out a couple other stores and no luck but I did give up on the cursing. I'm not sure what to do now. We get to go grocery shopping and then Wednesday I need to do laundry and get packed so I can hit the road early Thursday. I'm thinking I don't have enough time.

This may be a good thing because the guys are taking turns looking at each other and just going aahhhh!!! After the 5th time this happened in under 3 minutes I had to ask, "excited much?" That would be a duh. I have a feeling not much school work is going to happen over the next week. Never before I have been so happy to be leaving my band of crazy people. Gonna be a stretch to do the whole, um yeah, I'll miss you...too.

But I know fun will be had by all on all fronts and that is something to be happy about.

We did get a tsk, tsk from FIL for not getting the boys their driver's license. I shot back if they want to help pay for all the extra cost we can change that and my, oh my, how the subject was changed. Reality - it's what we serve around here. I'm pretty sure I scare the crap out of my FIL.

I feel warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. That is until I need a coat because I might end up freezing. But I will be having fun - once I thaw out.

Therapy Session 903

2011-10-31T00:26:00.004-04:00

Hooray!! I'm making progress!!

Cue music for pod people to do something to try and get progress to null and void. Access denied.

Have I mentioned a time or 50 that I am not a fan of being sucker punched? I'm pretty sure that I have. If you have something to say to me or have a beef with me, for all that is good and holy please tell me about it rather than it get to me way of grapevine news and it's usually when I'm up to my eyeballs with some other crisis that people wait to strike. Not that I'm bitter much. Any more.

Long story short, making progress on getting rid of bitterness towards my parents. Next day went out with Kerri, having a good ol' time when I get a weird email from the pod people because I'm still convinced my real parents have been sucked into some sort of vortex and what is left roaming around are just impostors.

While they were in prison from fighting the man, they handed out my address for people to get ahold of them. I wasn't asked and I've been told numerous times to get over it. Whatever. I got a letter for my mom from some person I have no clue about. I emailed my mom and the name didn't ring any bells for her but asked me to mail the letter to her. Okay, whatever I'll get to it eventually.

Then a family friend died and mom sort of gave me the info about the funeral but kept stressing it wasn't confirmed. I was planning on going and thought I would just give her the letter then. Didn't hear another thing from them and the letter was completely forgotten. Then I get a string of emails going off about why haven't I sent this letter yet. I explained my reasoning but apparently this was taken wrong. I seriously have no idea what the deal was but my dad emails me saying I'm disrespecting my mom and what is my problem - love dad.

Dude.

Just the night before I felt like I had released a lot of junk. And there was junk right back in my face. I was livid. I asked Kerri to read the whole thing and asked to give it to me straight and she couldn't figure out what was so disrespectful either.

Further proof they are crazy.

I really had to talk myself off the ledge too. I knew I had a choice. I was hurt and angry and didn't feel like I deserved that. And just saying that to myself - validating my feelings - I was able to make a good choice to chose forgiveness and telling the junk, yet again, to take a hike.

When I got back home I sent an email and it was short and sweet and, miracle of miracles, completely devoid of sarcasm. I got a response back that oh you must have meant it funny. Nothing I said was even being funny - I was busy and forgot about it. End of story no punch line. After I did a few face plants on the desk I had to take several deep breaths and tell myself it's them NOT ME and I do not need to defend myself to them.

I'm still struggling with that but I am getting better. I have no idea why I think having these imaginary conversations in my head where I tell so-and-so what's what will help because it doesn't change a thing, but it does keep me all stirred up. When I'm stirred up I can tell you I am not at peace. No peace? Well hang on to your shorts because goodness knows what will come flying out next.

Vicious cycle.

So high five y'all! After years of barfing my parents suck - and they still do - it's not taking me down this time.

That's one small step for me and a giant kick to the enemy.

Bzzzz

2011-10-28T00:51:00.004-04:00

I think that is all that is left of my brain. Or maybe that's all I can hear right now. It may be a tie.

Spent the last few hours grading the guys' stuff. Tell me again why I do this?? Oh yes, I remember. I was trying to not have my brother, the sequel. Frankly, I just don't have that type of money for bail. Goodness knows I need that for myself.

Sad part is I'm not done grading Jared's stuff as that's on a different computer. But I did managed to do about 15 loads of laundry and I only have about 5 more to go and I got all the ironing done. I can tell you are just amazed at how dull my life is. I understand, I feel asleep just typing all that out.

I would go on and on about some mindless drivel as normal but Chuck Norris the uterus has decided it just doesn't care and doesn't think my 2 readers should be bored. It's already mocking me for the above paragraph.

Why yes, I am feeling a bit wonky - how could you tell???

Hormones are not to be trifled with especially when you have a uterus that has decided it wants to compete with Chuck Norris. I can say it has a wicked karate chop that has been known to render me unconscious.

This is going to be a crazy week so I am glad Chuck is going to do it's thang and then leave. Very glad that whole issue is finally under control. Any PCOS suffers should go to a health food store and try African Mango. It's linked with diet stuff but for whatever reason it has totally helped with the cycle department.

And there is lifting of holy hands....as it grasps the last of the chocolate.

The Countdown Has Begun

2011-10-25T02:13:00.003-04:00

I think if we have anything more piled on, my head will explode. Too much to do, so little desire to get it done. THE LIST has been staring at me giving the whole 'bring it' wave at me. Frankly, I'm concern. Seems like every time I'm not looking at it - it grows. I get a few things crossed off and think go me only to see 50 more things added on.

Go me, go!! Run!! The list is alive!!!!

In a sad attempt to get the guys to talk about something other than how excited they are about Halo, I've been baking up a storm trying to stuff their mouths so they will be quiet. It's not working. I'm getting randomly tackled and told how excited they are which I think may be from all the sugar. I sort of feel like I've been run over by a mac truck because teenage boys are pretty stinking solid!! And their favorite thing is to eat.

May God have mercy on our grocery budget.

Feel like standing outside stuffmart with my own bucket and bell with a sign that says, I have teenagers please give! It ain't pretty I'll tell ya that.

On a side note, someone from Mountain View, California really, really, REALLY likes my blog as they are on it more than I am. So hello to whoever you are! Hope you like the blog and aren't planning my demise. Although I hear there is a petition for it. Wish my mom would take a chill pill and just let it go. Sheesh!

Speaking of...

I have found that it is much easier to talk to her via email. I still haven't given her my phone number. I've been asking her about different stuff that is hers because that's what we've been doing for last few days is just going through stuff. The majority of it isn't mine so I thought I would give her a fair shot at it. However, expecting her to come and go through it all will never happen so I think progress has been made.

Yes, I'm still freaking out but I'm doing it quietly and away from the children so as not to freak them out. They are so busy being excited they haven't noticed. That and evasive tactics have been employed. A Nerf war was had and all that implies. We took them to see the 3 Musketeer movie. It was only eh. It was cool to see it in 3D, the characters were more believable but none of the witty banter that the Disney version had, and I am all about the witty banter. Save your money - find something else to watch.

The boys did have a first this last weekend - complete and utter shyness. We've been checking out a church and they were invited to come to the youth group and the twins both locked up. They were introduced to people and I have never seen them so uncomfortable before in my life. While it happens from time to time they usually warm up to people pretty quickly. Not this time.

Ruh-roh, Raggie.

I peppered them with questions on the way home and neither one would say what the deal was. It was a combo of don't know them that well and we're moving so why get to know people? Michael made a comment that he's seen how I have been there for other people and how I've been kicked to the curb and doesn't want to bother. Their father's anti-social gene showed up in both of them at the same time and that was hard to watch. I was then riddled with guilt that all this just us has allowed some cynicism to creep in. I may have said a time or 50 that people suck and you can't count on them for anything.

It's too bad that gets proved right over and over. And it's also too bad I still feel that way.

It does crack me up that Hubs knows a few people through work connections and is sought after and I can just stand there and not say a thing. This is working for me. First time I've seen men actually try to cultivate relationships. It's also the first time I'm not being hounded to "serve" somewhere. For me personally, it's just something to do until we move. Not the best attitudes in the world but this should come as no shock.

Me? With a good attitude??? I don't think so!

Now if only that dream job would open up so I could quit freaking out so much that would be just peachy. I think my kids are convinced that it's just this state and normal people all live in all the other states. Yeah, well, why burst their bubble? They'll learn soon enough.

I Swear I Just Sneezed And The Week Passed Right On By

2011-10-21T00:06:00.003-04:00

What? Like it shocks you I've been known to swear a time or 50? Relax it's usually only if pain is involved or my mother which I think that speaks for itself.

The week - it went. The end.

I am having a wee bit of a problem keeping the older 2 focused on their schoolwork. This is about as dramatic as they ever get and it is rather funny to watch. Michael is even saying he's getting excited. This is the boy that we've threatened to light a fire under him to see if he'll move. His mascot in life should be a turtle.

I haven't mention that to him and just the other day he totally did an impression of the turtle from Bugs Bunny. It was scary how spot on he was. And it was even scarier how accurate Nicholas was with Bugs. And then they started quoting movie quotes from other movies in the same tone of voices and I fell on the floor and tried not to pee myself from all the laughter.

It was epic.

And if you just asked what turtle from who - go soak your head in the toilet.

So Remember When....

2011-10-17T16:04:00.000-04:00

I said I wasn't all freaking out and such? Well, it turns out I had a delayed reaction and am now freaking out.

I then went to bed and had a weird dream where I got a tattoo, which is pretty amazing when you consider I hate needles and I'm not a fan of pain. I used to laugh that if I wanted something that would mark me for life, cause a lot of pain, and be really expensive, I would have another child.

I actually had to explain that to someone once. It wasn't pretty.

I'm not sure which part of that paragraph caused poor Hubby dear to about pass out - the thought of another child or me with a tattoo. Well at least it was good for a laugh but now that I think about it, I was the only one laughing.

Whatever.

Had to let my folks know hey, you're going to have to go through all your crap since I refuse to cart it all over the place. They took this email to mean hey, we are friends again so let's email back and forth. This should explain all the bruises on my forehead - it turns out if you slam your head into the wall repeatedly you will look a bit funky.

Not much to report. Normally this time of year I feel the calm before the onslaught of holidays but I'm still feeling very peaceful. This must mean God is really going to intervene in a huge way or I have finally gone off the deep end in the pool of denial. The jury is still out on this one.

I'm not happy to discover that the pantry is a bit bare and this means it is time for the loading of the carts. I think the grocery list is the biggest pain in the arse. I hate it with an ever-lasting hate because it is just one big ol' bear that I have to wrestle with every other week. Coming up with dinner for 2 weeks and try to come up with a combination of stuff that everyone will eat is as about as fun as slamming my head into a wall. Which isn't in case you were wondering.

Oh what horrors wait for me at the stuffmart with their psychotic cart and boys that fart and all that money I must part.....with. I was sort of on a roll there but not really.

At least we get to get furnace filters so SOMEONE will turn on the heat. And yet I still get mocked for wearing a ski mask in the house. Oh irony, how you love to slipper-slap me when I least expect it and then you do it anyway even when I see it coming.

Thanks for that ya big jerk.

Hate It When This Happens

2011-10-11T23:56:00.005-04:00

Although, I can't say as I've found myself in this predicament before, but I can tell you, I'm not amused. My brain wants to freak out - really, really, really wants to freak out. But for some unexplainable reason my spirit is at peace and is keeping my brain from a full on freak.

Freaky-deaky.

It's like my spirit knows something my brain doesn't. Wait, that's sort of all the time. How to explain? My brain is aware that my spirit knows something it doesn't and for once it's all like, hey! But sadly, the spirit is all nope, you'll just have to wait but you can chillax.

I now have to ask myself if I even know how to chillax or even what that means. (Combo of chill and relax - again not sure I know how to accomplish this)

So here I sit, and wait. And try to override the urge to face plant on the desk over and over and over again until I lose all sense of caring. I think I may be close. Hubby did make me laugh - he said we've been waiting and dreading and wondering when this was going to happen, so now that it's here we're sort of like whatever - moving on.

And I do feel that way. Time to move on. Hopefully to a rodent free house. Oh please Lord, let it be! Between the bats, the squirrels, and the mice I am beyond over it. But the not knowing where we are going is what has me borderline on the freak out stage. Please note this is not to be confused with my general freakiness.

I told one of the boys not to plan out his life because chances of it actually happening are slim to none. He handed me a mini bag of M&Ms. He is such a push over. Although both boys made me feel A LOT better. I was having some serious guilt issues over the lack of them doing driver's ed and then on to a license because it's rather pricey - times 2. They both said they would rather have the X-box than a driver's license. Bless them. At this point I don't care if it was a bold face lie, it eased some serious guilt. But knowing them - it was the honest to goodness truth.

Seriously wish we actually had a season where I wasn't whining about something. I did title this blog as therapy but holy crap! Thought I would be a lot farther along. I don't like knowing the last 6 years have been this hard and it just seems like it's one thing after another. What the heck? I knew there were seasons of life but I think my season is stuck. Does anyone have a big stick I can borrow so as to unstuck this thing?

I Was Gonna Blog But....

2011-10-07T13:29:00.003-04:00

The Internet kicked me off repeatedly last night so I gave up. Which now sounds like my dog ate my homework so whatev.

Would it make you feel better if I told you I was weeping and gnashing my teeth? No?? Well I did...for about a minute and turned off the computer. I wasn't feeling that hot anyway so chances are it was a smart move on the Internets part to spare you another boring blog posts of my brain's half baked rants.

Sadly for you, it was only 1 day.

There is all kinds of buzz and excitement here. The twins are getting an Xbox 360. They have wanted one for almost a decade. My nephew had one and they played a lot of Halo but it scared the beejebers out of Jared so we said no. 10 years later - it still scares the beejebers out of Jared but we're going to put it in the toy room where the only way Jared's beejebers will be scared is if he purposely puts himself in harms way.

I will be sympathetic but that only goes so far. Protect your beejebers boy! Wait, that sounds like some form of a sex talk. Now that I think about it, that is very good advice indeed.

Moving on...

So it looks like my cousin and I are going to a Joyce Meyer Conference. We've been kicking this idea around for a while. Really feel like God is saying to go do this. If He would just send me a check to pay for it, I would be ever so grateful. However, this will be the weekend of the boys' birthday which means that will be the weekend my in-laws will want to come up.

I will now downplay the Snoopy happy dance I did that gosh darn it all, I won't be here.

And my happy dance did stop when Hubs said that his folks would just have to come a different weekend.

I will not point out how high my eyebrow arched, nor will I draw attention to the sneer of my lips and total disdain that slipped from them with the question of, "let me get this straight - they are YOUR parents and YOU don't or won't spend the weekend with them unless I'm here with you because why?"

Well just leave it that words were had and a few rounds of rock, paper, scissors was to be had as well. I got the short end and informed in-laws I was going to be gone that weekend so another weekend will be needed.

Any chance at all this can be used as my defense in a court of law?

So then, because Hubby is a male and I'm pretty sure they are all stupid, he points out that his folks better not come up around Thanksgiving in case my folks decide to demand we feed them and my grandparents again. And because I'm female and I am positive we are all crazy, I said that would be a whole new level of hell I'm not prepared to face and I will go mid-evil on everyone.

And that your Honor, is what happen as best as I can recall. Can I go home now?

Just a barrel of laughs over here. At least I think I'm laughing. I can't quite tell if I'm crying or laughing. It may be a wash.

And what luck! We are now on the clock as another round of foreclosure papers have been filed. How many times can you get foreclosed on? After I got done breathing through a paper bag and looked at some of the fine print they are not trying to collect on it, it's just the process of being evicted. Which really - should have happened last year so....guess I can't complain too much.

Now we get to try and keep our panic from the children as we wait for a job opening. I can't say that is too encouraging because in the last month and a half of looking there has been nothing.

But in an attempt to look on the bright side, this is the first year I'm not dreading the holidays. It is weird. Never experienced this before and I'm not really sure what it means. Maybe we'll finally be able to leave this state. My evil plan that I hatched at age 8 to leave Michigan is all starting to come together!

Or not really.

Because my plans tend to backfire. Like a lot.

Back to panicking.

I Think The Titles Are Messing With Me

2011-10-04T00:54:00.003-04:00

Happens every time I go to write a blog post. I have an idea, or not really, and then THE TITLE stares at me and I go blank. Because the title is suppose to sum up this mash of words that is known to all as my ramblings, rants, raves, and/or therapy sessions. How in the heck am I supposed to know what to title this mess? I still don't even know what I'm going to blog about.

I've tried just let the words flow and come up with the title but that has backfired. By the time I'm done with my long winded rant, I'm ready to pass out and start to snore and have weird dreams that involve blogging that make no sense whatsoever.

It's just staring me down. And then I lose my train of thought or it left without me and then I play 1500 rounds of solitaire waiting for it to come back so I can say, "welcome back riders." Long live the Cedar Point memories. Which I find funny since I haven't been there in 20 years.

Dang, that one hurt. I shouldn't put that out there.

So moving right along....

Loaded up the fam and we went and saw the movie Courageous. Oh my. It was really good. I know Christian films get a lot of slack for being cheesy. The only cheese to this movie, I would have to say, was during the shoot out - the sound affects didn't sound right. But it was good. We laughed, we cried, it was a good story.

And I lurv me a good story.

When we were done we went out to Qdoba. I was low on my salsa and guacamole intake because I made a lot of analogies referring to salsa and chips and I wasn't sure why but it felt so right at the time. Go figure.

Saturday Hubby came down with a cold and I spent all night knowing I was getting his germs. I now feel like someone ran over me. They may have even backup just to make sure.

Had a ton of laughs with the guys. We come up with so much inside jokes that it makes no sense to anyone but it will have 1 if not all of us in stitches. I informed the crew that if people were to overhear our conversations they would think we're nuts because we don't even finish the sentence and everyone gets it.

Except my in-laws. And it drives them insane when we do this.

Long pause

So I talked to my cousin and it looks like the 2 of us are going to head out to a Joyce Meyer conference for a weekend. We may, or may not, have screamed like a couple teenagers. Which is sad because she's still close to the teenage years and I am far from it. Far, far, far.....my boys are close to a month from turning 16. 16! I am in complete denial over the whole ordeal. Luckily for me they aren't showing any signs of wanting to drive OR that denial thing is working great for me.

It may be a bit of a toss up.

Whatever.

It's not like we go anywhere so I'm thinking I can delay this for a bit. I have a feeling the blog fodder on that episode is going to take the starch right out of me. I've had a few people tell me I don't look old enough to have kids the age they are - I'm worried teaching them how to drive will age me considerably. First person to ask if they are my grand kids will get popped in the head.

Wonder if I can set up a paypal thing for donations to help pay for my plastic surgery? A reward for surviving should be a new face. You know I'll have this permanent look of terror etched on my face especially when Jared is up to bat. I've watched him on Mario Kart games - we can't convince him to stay off the sidewalks and to stop playing bumper cars.

I THOUGHT I had an agreement with God that the rapture was supposed to happen before any of this driver's training thing but it is looking rather grim. I have a feeling I missed something in the translation. It's all Greek to me.

Thank you! I'll be here all week. Trying not to horph up my lungs. Pretty sure I'll need those.

Whoopsies

2011-09-29T23:38:00.003-04:00

The week flew by faster than what I thought it would and I haven't blogged at all. Tonight was the first night I actually got to zone out in front of the TV. I don't know if the whole satellite TV technology has come a long way or what but dish Network is totally rocking it. Thunderstorms a plenty and not one glitch in the show. When we had it at our old place, if a bird flew over the house we had no signal for about 4 minutes. Which went over oh, so well when your kids are glued to Blue's Clues.

{{Shudder}}

Not a pleasant memory.

And now I will tear up at that memory because I kind of miss those little guys. I like them now but just wish I could sometimes go back and sop up the memory and savor it just a little bit longer. They were so stinking cute! If you tell them that now, they will roll their eyes and may glare at you.

Or maybe that's just at me.

Except right now I can call them anything and they wouldn't care. Their birthday gift arrived today. Now the great debate of knowing what it is and it's in the house and they can't touch it is in full swing. Because we are that evil. Actually, we got a good price on eBay and I wanted to get it while we still had money because thanks to all the rain, Hubby hasn't worked. But he worked one day soooo can't really file for unemployment.

Why yes, that sound was me banging my head against the desk. Repeatedly.

I informed everyone that they will be dining on Ramen noodles and toast for the next few weeks. They all laughed and said I was funny. I'm now slightly skert of a revolt. It was worth a shot.

I did feel bad for the guy who installed the dish. We are surrounded by trees, and the side that isn't shivering in the shade is being swallowed whole by ivy. That thing is a beast. Hubs has battled that sucker every year and the ivy wins vines down.

Couldn't resist, mate.

Dude is also very allergic to the stuff. It doesn't matter how lightly the stuff brushes him, it will get ugly. He can no longer go out the side door that use to go to the dog's area because the vines have now covered the screen door. We've hacked the thing 4 times in the last 2 months and it's grown back every time. Like I said, it's a beast.

If all the trees and the insanely high pitched roof wasn't bad enough, it was raining most of the day. I made the guy some pumpkin pecan bread and brewed him some coffee and the man declared I was the best woman on the face of the earth. Proof that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That and he was single.

But there is rejoicing in the land. Except I'm having a hard time learning all new channels. I'm use to channels being in a certain line up and now it is all mess up. My brain is not happy it has to learn a new trick. This should shock no one.

We finally got the whole magicJack thing worked out. It sounded like talking on a phone while underwater. Truly a heroic feet when you consider the whole no-no of water and electricity but somehow we managed it. But made it rather difficult if I wanted to actually understand the person. What can I say? I'm rather demanding like that. We've been having a problem with USB ports in the back of the computer not working but the front ones work splendidly so changed where it was plugged into and good as new.

So it has been a technology week and that usually causes my head to hurt. Which is rather odd because I sort of get that stuff but when I can't make it work the first go-around, I get so frustrated I tend to have a meltdown.

I am weird, hear me squeak.

Only A Monday....

2011-09-26T15:11:00.003-04:00

Can show up and poop all over me. I've tried to write this post like 40 times but have everyone and everything decide not happening chick.

There is good news, bad news and a whole lot of nothing news. In other words same crap different day. But since I haven't blogged for a few days - this will be long winded...er.

Good news - it's cooler out so it was time to take out the window air-conditioning units. Bad news Hubby wasn't working because it was SUPPOSED to rain. Please note sarcasm because rain vamoosed by late morning and was a beautiful day. Good news - the honey do list was tackled. Bad news - Hubs went to take out unit number 1 and the window broke....and cut his hand.

So I walk into the room to see holy heck the window...is....bustamicated. There was no amount of tape that was going to keep that bad boy together. Then I notice a lot of bandage on Hubs wrist. I was about 2 seconds from freaking out thinking it cut his wrist open and he was going to pass out and I was all prepared to wail don't leave me.

Like this shocks you.

Thankfully dude saw the look of panic and said it was just a scratch on his hand, not his writs. He even peeled off the band-aid to show me.

Which I have to stop and ask why? Why on earth would he think this would make me feel better? Especially since I tend to pass out at the sight of blood, or the talk of blood. Makes surviving Easter services rather challenging just so you know.

In the middle of all this heavy lifting and breaking, Hubs had hurt his back the night before. It didn't help that he was trying to do an impersonation of a pretzel all in his sleep. This left him rather stiff and slow moving. It also didn't help that I reminded him repeatedly that now that he's 40 these things are to be expected.

For an old guy he can really toss a mean pillow.

So he had to go get stuff and blah, blah, blah end of the day new window, all fixed, all better. But we agreed the other 2 units can wait for another day. Probably not happening tomorrow because all that rain we were SUPPOSED to get is now showing up Tuesday.

But good news is we are getting Dish Network installed Tuesday afternoon. All in time for the new episodes of everything to kick in. Like the Duggars. Who Nicholas stalks. I think he has a crush on one of their girls but so far he has denied it. So there is all kinds of happy going on that TV will be back tomorrow.

Joyous music playing in the back ground

Believe me the distraction is needed because there are a couple flair ups that have me frustrated.

Because bad news, Hubby hasn't had 1 nibble on the 100 applications and such that he has filled out. I did have a brief panic attack at the thought of being on unemployment again. But after I talked myself off the ledge, I finally had to say Ok God, You'll take care of us either way.

More bad news, I get this crazy email from my mom all freaking out about our phone being disconnected and that she hadn't heard anything from me. So I guess the 2 emails I sent her giving her my new email address, letting her know the situation and a reminder, not to mention the birthday card was just a joke? Then I get an email demanding a phone number.

But of course.

The holidays will soon be upon us and she wants to make sure she can demand we feed them and my grandparents again. So far I haven't given it to her. Which means I can wait a week until she truly fruits out.

Wonder if I can sell tickets?

But now she is flooding my new email with junk that the end of the government is near and on and on and on. Weird Al has a song called "Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me" that really applies. I was dared to send it to her but I'm not feeling that brave.

And just because we had been so desperate, we actually picked out another church to check out. I think I'm at the point again of just staring into the abyss and I really would like to not do that again. I didn't really want to go but it was something to do. Lovely attitude.

It was good, worship was good, message was good. We got up to leave and the lady who was in front of us turned around and motioned both of us over to her and said that she kept getting the word transition regarding us. She said that we've gone through a lot of shaking and that it's been very hard but not to be discourage, it's been of the Lord and that He's is going to launch us out and not to panic that He does have a plan and it's going to be better than what we could even think or dream, but to hold on to each other in this time of transition.

Dude.

I almost bawled all over a total stranger. And I mean it would have been an ugly cry with snot and everything.

I may have mentioned a time or 30 I don't like to cry in front of people. I've had it used against me too many times. Showing that vulnerability has bit me in the butt more than I care to count, so I don't.

Now I'm wondering - launch out where and what? Am I going to need wings? A floatation devise? Can I have a vowel? Is it all shook off? Is the transition about to be done? Because I'll tell ya, there are times when I'm on the floor screaming uncle.

Interesting.

The guys all want to go back next week. I still don't want to. Their whole theme is to go forth and tell the people and I still have the attitude that people suck so no thanks. I know, I disgust myself sometimes too.

We shall see and one day at a time. The guys have all told me that I sound like a broken record because I guess I've said that line a few times too many.

Day Whatever As I Forgot To Count

2011-09-22T00:20:00.006-04:00

So far I was able to keep the guys distracted that hey, you can't watch anything. But then we had to return the video game and movie and now Jared is shlumping around all full of woe and scorn. It is sad to watch. Rather pitiful. I'm not sure how much longer he will hold out.

We'll get around to it....eventually. Just right now everything is up in the air.

We got a MagicJack thing and I feel a little bit better now. Local and long distance for as long as I can blab (and believe me, I can) all for $20 A YEAR. So long as the computer is on the phone works. Now I can leave my kids and not try to communicate through email. Because let me tell you that was an epic fail.

At least we're part way there to....whatever it is we are reaching for.

Speaking of epic and fail all rolled into one, this job hunting thing has been nuts. I think all this waiting is about to do me in. Hubby waited for over 2 weeks for something through something to write his resume. After my brain exploded, I dragged him to the computer and made him pull up the questionnaire thing on the unemployment's website and got resume done.

We'll just leave off my first job was working at a copy shop place that just happened to write resumes.

Why yes, my cuss jar is totally overflowing. Creepy. It's like you know.

One thing I have learned is that a thesauruses is golden. You don't want to say the same word over and over even though it applies in multiple areas. It lacks imagination. And imagination is something I seem to excel at. I find I don't seem to do well at promoting myself which is probably why my blog is non-existent on the blogsphere.

At one point I was getting desperate and wanted Hubs to put "excessively orderly" on the resume. He stopped and gave me this look to which I had to ask, "what?" He said he's pretty sure that the word excess is on the negative side and therefore wouldn't look good. He then gave me another look knowing full well what it was I was trying to say.

Darn those Jedi powers of his!

Is it really MY fault that just happens to be one of the definitions for anal?? I don't think so. I try to play the total coincidence card but he wasn't convinced. I'm thinking the dictionary on my lap may have been a give away.

But all that is done and posted. I think he has about 2 weeks of work left and then it's unemployment time OR some job will open up quick. At this point it's going to have to be local as there is no way we can move right now. Unless, of course, we're kicked out of here but that doesn't look like that is going to happen anytime soon.

Who knew totally changing professions would be this crazy, right? Oh wait, this has happened before. It's still crazy. I'm still not a fan of all this not knowing either. And I miss the TV. I was bored before but now I'm reminded just how bored I really am with nothing to fill in all that space.

Oh TV! How we miss thee.....

This And That

2011-09-19T16:54:00.004-04:00

When we last left our heroine, she was trying to keep the eye twitch in check as all things cable and phone like were pulled. In an attempt to keep the guys from mourning the beloved TV, our heroine desperately tried to find something to occupy the mindless masses for a few days. Throwing something shiny at them doesn't work. As luck would have it, the weather has turned cooler so she suggested the guys go camping (minus J) and they applauded her brilliance.

There was almost rejoicing in the land. Because I wasn't totally free as I had Jared.

Actually it wasn't too bad. Jared and I went out to eat, rented a video game and movie. I let him play the video game so I could get a few things done and not have him hover.

Oh the hovering! Don't even get me started on the hovering!!!

Too late.

He likes to hover and when he's bored it gets waaay worse. As in I end up tripping over him because he is hovering. And for whatever reason all my boys get in the way all the flipping time. If I'm cooking, someone will block the pantry or if I'm trying to get something out of the frig, chances are one of them is there.

It's like they know.

And it does drive me nuts. It also causes Hubby to develop his own eye twitch and/or to yell or possible growl like a breast because of all the hovering. I have no idea why they do it and you would think after so many years of yelling/growling that they would start to figure it out. Sadly, you would be wrong. The worst is when we're trying to get dinner ready. I tell everyone to get their drinks ahead of time.

Silly rabbit, kids don't listen.

Then when I'm trying to dish everything up, the whole crew is in the kitchen getting this, getting that and totally in the way making everything take longer. It's a miracle we ever have hot food.

Anyway, hovering? Not a fan. I am all for deflecting the hovering.

So after a few hours of blessed peace and quiet, we watched the movie we rented - Up. I know. Sure makes me want to hover over the boys and possibly try to stuff them in a bag and hold them close at least for about 5 minutes until they fight back. I like it but sort of hate it, but really like it. Jared and I have been doing the messed up munchkin voice of the Alpha dog all.weekend.long.

But it did bring about some serious hovering followed with "I was hiding under your porch because I love you."

I guess you can say fun was had by all.

It's a sad attempt to distract from the lack of TV watching. Which is failing because I've been told a time or 20 that a few shows will start back up in another week. Oh well. I will have to attempt something else soon. I can tell Nicholas' thumb is starting to twitch from lack of remote control button pushing. We haven't reached critical levels......yet.

So It's Come To This....

2011-09-16T00:08:00.004-04:00

Me - walking around in a bathrobe, muttering to myself holding a defunct remote. Wait a second, that sounds like me all the time. Okay, what if my lip was quivering? Oh yeah, you're used to me whining anyway.

Awkward.

What could cause this slightly abnormal dip in sanity level? How long you got?? Kidding! Sort of.

You'll have to excuse the rambling because I am not sure where the brain is going to go with this crazy train wreck.

We finally got all the Internet stuff all figure out and taken care of so it was time for the dismantling of the cable and all that it brought to our house of crazy. Internet wasn't a good bye so I didn't even flinch. But then....the box connected to our awesome TV was unhooked....and I felt my lip tremble. I was just breathing through that when.....

The.phone.was.unhooked.

{bawl}

Which is hilarious. Would you like to know how often I use the phone anymore? Zilch, almost not.at.all. I have no friends, no posse, no....nothing. I find it alarming, amusing, and not surprising all rolled into one big gooey mess. I've whined, I've complained - this blog is my therapy session after all but I seem to be in the lather, rinse, repeat cycle.

It's not like I haven't blogged about it all before anyway so we'll just keep the train a moving, m'kay?

Anyhoo, we don't use it as much so there was no reason to pay the redonkulous amount of money for it. Fair enough. But on the few occasions I can pry myself out of here, I would like to be able to keep in touch and vice versa. Hubs and I had to run to the store and Nicholas and I tried emailing back and forth a couple questions.

I did mention I text like a challenged toddler, right? At least I did until Hubby showed me the swipe feature. Nice! But it didn't help that Nicholas was listening to Pandora and wasn't in his email so didn't get a few emails.

It felt like we had 2 cans tied together by a long string of rope trying to communicate the importance of fabric softener. (I'm not really sure why that blurted out but for some reason the brain thought that made sense so we'll just go with it.)

While at the store, I asked Hubs about the whole Magicjack thing. The look of duh that crossed his face was rather priceless. We will be getting one shortly. Because I was beyond uncomfortable with just emailing back and forth. My phone doesn't always let me know it got an email.

Leave it to me to have a smart@ss smartphone.

We've tried to change the setting but this is me we are talking about and when I regained consciousness, the guys were flipping through the book trying to figure it out.

But it is a sad moment that the phone is no more.

Then I remembered my parents don't have my cell number and I smiled. Then I remembered my MIL practically demanding it on facebook and then I frowned.

Suddenly the muttering is making sense now.

It's The Final Countdown

2011-09-14T23:55:00.002-04:00

Aaahhhh! I now have that song going through my head!!! That's NOT what I meant!! Make it stooooppppp!!!!

Sorry - total flashback there. But this is what happens when I am running on not much for sleep.
Here I sit...waiting on a phone tech repair person. He should be here from the hours of 8 AM to 2 PM. It's a good thing I have no life or I would find this highly annoying.

Scratch that. I still find it highly annoying.

I did mention I'm running low on sleep, right? I'm talking down to fumes. And here's a little weird thing about me - caffeine doesn't perk me up. It will keep me up until sunrise but it doesn't wake me up. I feel so jilted it's not even funny. It's not that I like being up late at night, I just find it impossible to go to sleep. So when dreamland finally happened for me, it did not leave a whole lot of hours for sleep to do it's magic. As in it didn't.

I almost felt a wave of pity for the guys.

I said almost.

1 hour has come and gone and nothing. I'm slightly concern that in another hour I may have to prop my eyelids open with toothpicks. But thankfully dude arrived and got everything squared away.

When Hubs called to see how everything went, I told him I love him dearly but I think he just needs to be stabbed to death a few times and then burst into tears. He said that was a pathetic attempt at hogging the last of the S'more bars but sadly for him, I already polished it off and I left a little bit of chocolate smudge in the corner of my mouth just to mock him.

That wave of pity came back.

I have a feeling I will need to take an evening primrose oil pill or 7 tomorrow. Please offer up prayers for the guys that I don't kill them.

But in happier news...

Overpriced cable, Internet, and TV provider? Yeah you. The one that sends me fliers announcing all the same services for $70 a month for NEW customers but tells me I'm not new and don't qualify therefor getting stuck with the oh dear God price? Your days are up and the hourly countdown has begun. Signed, bitter old customer who's turnip refuses to give blood.

Not Much Of Nothing

2011-09-12T17:39:00.004-04:00

While I know this normally doesn't stop me from rambling on....there's not much to report. Just getting back into the swing of things. Spent the day battling nasty smelly guy laundry. My gagging reflexes are telling me it's time to do the sheets and blankets.

Definitely a strange way to cut calories. After dealing with their laundry my stomach says no thanks on the off chance the gagging wins.

On a side note, today is ~~Cruella DeVil~~ my mom's birthday. I mailed out a card Friday so she should get it today. And that is all I have to say about that.

Well....

You know that's not true.

I like to think this is progress. I'm reading a book about safe people. It should come to no ones surprise that my folks are not safe people for me. I'm not at the chapter yet on what you're supposed to do with unsafe people. Screaming go away you nut job hasn't worked so I guess I should get to reading.

Beef - It's What's For Dinner

2011-09-08T00:04:00.005-04:00

It has been a bit crazy around here lately. The guys will never admit it but the routine was missed. Can't say as all the schoolwork was but having to get up and do something has brought back a sigh of relief.

Or maybe that's just from me.

So with all the crazy and the routine hopping around, I hauled out the crock pot and tried something new. I grabbed a 3-4 pound roast and introduced it to some new friends.

Say hello to the new friends.

That Paula Deen sauce is called Sweet Bourbon Glaze. It is so sassy good, I'm pretty sure if you pour it on your head, your tongue will beat your brains out to get to it.

This is one of those accidental recipes. I had a shredded beef sandwich before and I was sort of going for that but had a different recipe but I decided right in the soup aisle that I was just going to toss that thought out the window and see where I landed. And I landed in the bottled sauce aisle where my eyes gazed upon Paula's sweet face.

I am convinced you just can't go wrong with Paula so that is what I went with. Anyone who likes that much butter knows what she is talking about when it comes to the cooking.

I so wish she would adopt me, or be the cool aunt or something where I could just hang out with her. But then I would do something gooberish that only I can do and then she would give me that wide-eyed look of hers that just screams, "honey, you're a bit strange" and back away from me.

But her sauce? To die for. But it does have a kick.

So I had the roast, placed it in crock pot, sprinkled it with Lawry's then dumped the French onion soup and the whole bottle of wonderfulness on top, slammed the lid down and walked away.

I'm not really sure why I added the French Onion but it was part of the original recipe and can you really go wrong with French Onion? I didn't think so.

Hours later....

The smell was wonderful and did the whole Bugs Bunny scent that pulled me in. Probably because it was time to shred the meat. Took 2 forks and went to town. Returned shredded meat to the wonderful sauce and had temp on low and waited for Hubby to get home.

I had some French rolls that I used. Sliced them open, added provolone cheese, and loaded up the goodness. The guys loved it, I loved it, but Jared didn't care for it but that was no surprise. Most nights he doesn't like what I make anyway. I try to make something he does like the following night to balance out when he just stares at his plate. I made meatloaf and the boy was petting it telling it he would love it forever then bit into it. Strange child. Not sure where he got it from.

Crickets stopped chirping to laugh hysterically

Stomped on annoying crickets

Anyhoo, it was pretty good if you can handle the kick and all the sass. Hmm, sounds like someone I know.....ME! Me in a bottle.....with Paula Deen's face on it.......awkward. But maybe that means there is hope for us getting along after all. She can clearly handle sass so maybe I won't freak her out.....too much.

Another Happy Trip To The Stuffmart

2011-09-07T01:29:00.005-04:00

If it wasn't for the fact that we need food and they offer it at low prices, I would avoid this place. And I'm starting to add up the amount we spend and I'm surprised they don't throw welcome back parties for us every time we go.

This trip was, sad to say, almost as bad as the last trip. Had to get the older 2 a couple pairs of pants each and I'm drawing a complete blank as to why it was so high. I did noticed the boys made a huge effort to remember to get food for lunches. It seems they were overly focused on snacks and sort of short changed themselves - at least J did. The other 2 are all about food.

Who informed me that they are 2 months away from turning 16.

And then I blacked out.

When I came to I was sporting a mysteries bruise. Turns out they didn't catch me and just let me face plant right there on the floor near the coffee table which I'm pretty sure is what I bounced off of.

This would be the third time this week I have attempted to do myself in. I may, or may not, get back to that story. Depends on how long this story takes to wrap it up.

So there I was, completely oblivious to the dollar shock I was going to encounter. Checking my list, getting stuff to feed these people who accuse me of skimping. As if. But when I looked up from my list, I found myself surrounded by babies. I was not aware I was in baby land, looked at which aisle I was in, and was reassured I wasn't. Instead baby land exploded and they all landed right around me.

I've come to the conclusion that there are only 2 types of babies - 1) the babies that make your ovaries sigh and say, why yes, I need another, and 2) the babies that make your ovaries shrivel up to the size of raisins and your uterus tries to crawl out of your body to threaten you if you even think about it.

Now here was the kicker - there were plenty of both. So there my poor self was all aww! to ahhh! to aww!! to ahhhh!!!! and back again. It was the weirdest abdominal workout I have ever encountered! And not in a good way. I had to make a mad dash out of there before my internal organs exploded.

It was not pretty. And suddenly the extra bag of chocolate and the 5 bags of Doritos is starting to makes sense now. The Stadium Nacho is so good, I'm starting to think it's sprinkled with crack.

Mmmm, Doritos. *drool*

Then we ran into people we sort of knew. I can't say as I knew them but I had worked in the nursery and I remembered their spawn. Can't say the years have done wonders. Wonder if shock collars would work on them?

Yeah, don't look at me all innocent like. You know there has been at least 1 kid where the thought crossed your mind. See? You have a visual now, don't you? Don't worry, I won't judge. I may even give you pointers on how to hog tie them so they will hold still to apply said collar.

Now if I only knew how to hog tie......

I think if I ever get roped into nursery duty again that will be a skill I will invest in. But the chances of that happening are slim to none so everyone is safe.

In other news, my smart phone is annoying me. I think it likes to brag that it is smarter than me as I can't figure out how to make a couple things work. I've found that my cousin and I can make Skype calls to each other for free. Bonus! But I'm not happy to be losing the home phone because what if the boys need to get a hold of me on those rare occasions I'm actually away from them? Plus I don't talk to anyone except my cousin. Anymore it's mainly through emails. Which I've discovered I text like a severely impaired toddler.

I've been informed that is an insult to the impaired toddler.

Kills me. I can type super duper fast and yet my thumbs have let the team down. Luckily, I discovered swipe which is texting for dummies.

Like me.

Who can't text worth a darn.

Sigh

It has been a huge pain to switch stuff around and blah, blah I'll spare you the details. It's just another log of hurry up and wait to toss on the fire of limbo land. I need to get several things done before this month is up. Like renewing insurance and getting tags for both vehicles and pay off the mafia run cable company before they send someone. Hubby has applied to a few jobs - all of them out of state. New state - new plates. So now I'm wondering.....and waiting....and wondering.....what the heck to do.

All these decisions and the not knowing for the last few YEARS has been a kick in the pants. Where was that darn cliff for me to toss myself off of when I need it? Oh wait, that's right, that would be too freakishly close to being a plan. And we just can't be having that now can we???

Double sigh

At least I have my own bag of Doritos.

It's That Time Of Year When....

2011-09-01T15:20:00.004-04:00

I want to shove a tampon up my nose to get all the drips. Only this time around my nose isn't drippy, it is itchy. It's so itchy that I tend to rub my nose and while that only brings a bit of relief, I find after 40 times I'm ready to punch myself in the face to see if it will numb the itch.

So far, that's a big n-o on the numbing part.

Jared about wet himself from laughing to see me punch my nose. Which is better than when I had to explain to him what tampons are REALLY used for. He said he can never look at another one again the same way. His dad hearing that said he better not be looking at tampons.

Oh what a crazy house we can be!

I tried taking a knock-off Zyrtec and it knocked me out. My nose didn't itch and I could breathe but I was out cold. Good thing I took it at night or that could have been interesting. As in not at all.

I made another recipe from Pioneer Woman. I finally got to make the Peach-whiskey-BBQ chicken with smashed potatoes. It was so good! Jared even liked it. And that just never happens. It wasn't even smothered in cheese dust. It was a miracle.

The guys all want me to email Ree and tell her how fantabouls it was. For some reason they think I KNOW her and we're on a first name basis and talking to each other. Yeah, they still don't get how this works. I mean Hubby dear still teases me that my Interpeeps are just my imaginary friends.

He's just jealous because the voices in his head like me better.

Actually he's grumpy because he insisted on getting me a smart phone because we're going to pull the plug on our bundle pack. He'll be getting one too once he starts a new job. Construction isn't very nice to things. It has been crazy around here trying to get stuff set up and hooking up stuff and blah, blah, blah.

Busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.

Nice visual, huh?

So he's not sure when he'll get a super cool new phone. And I got to stop him because he's figuring out the phone and how to set it up and if I don't learn it I won't know how and I'll just toss the phone at his head to fix it.

And I made the mistake of playing Angry Birds because Jared heard it and now bugs me non-stop to play it. I think I'll sling shot his butt across the room.....that is if the top of his head wasn't at eye level. I think he's growing every time I'm not looking at him.

But our first week of school went well. I wasn't rocking in the corner, I wasn't face first on the floor crying for deliverance. The guys did crack open the German and they said it's easy for now. Again, I'm not holding my breath but can't complain. I can tell they all like having the routine again but they'll never admit it.

In answer to a couple emails (why you turkeys don't just put them in the comments I'll never know) I did send my mom my new email address but NOT the new phone number. She emailed back demanding to have the cell number and then acted like the truce was call off and began sending me tons of emails about the world is doomed and coming to an end by next week Thursday.

And that's why she's not getting the phone number because it's actually worse to hear it in person probably because you can't just hit the delete button.

Dear Lego Company....

2011-08-31T00:31:00.002-04:00

Clearly you can see the boy has got mad building skills. I didn't even get to all the secret pods it has and the sucker has another ship inside. So I'm thinking you need to hire him and possibly his brothers. Hubby is for sale, I mean, for hire as he's been know to come up with some awesomeness himself.

But really Lego, I feel you owe me. I don't want to even think of the amount of money that we have paid for your plastic pieces of destruction.

Before you scoff at me, let me remind you of the foot injuries of yesteryear that were so heinous that I thought of taking a Sharpie and outlining your logo that I'm convinced is permanently embedded into my skin. Sure there were threats of copyright infringement but really was that necessary to point out that it wasn't even a REAL tattoo? I thought the definition of a tattoo is something that 1) costs a lot of money - which I provided receipts to prove this point; 2) causes a lot of pain - anyone who has ever stepped on a Lego will agree with me; 3) and permanently marks you - the Sharpie package said permanent ink so really I don't see how you can blow me off as I stated my case rather well.

Seriously Lego surely you have an internship that is open. I'm not pressing for CEO - yet but I'm sure even you can see the possibilities. Except he informed me the amount of pieces he used the kit would be redonkulously expensive. Did I mention it breaks off into a couple different ships with escape pods? Much like my sanity which I'm pretty sure is floating around in an escape pod waiting until it's safe to return.

I hope it packed a few lunches. Not to mention several changes of underwear. I know it's my sanity and all and I'm not even sure if it wears underwear but I just can't handle it if it's stuck in a horrible situation with no fresh clothes and.....

What's that Lego? What is my point?

Long pause

What was my point?

Oh yes, are you impressed and would you be willing to hire him? No, I don't think that it would be considered slave labor. Why? Because I have that title. Bwhahaha!

*wipes tears* Sorry.

Tell ya what - I'll drop the whole "tattoo gone wrong" ordeal if you make him a sweet deal. Well you should feel I'm being gracious because I was about t....

What? You were being sarcastic?

I knew that.

I was just testing you.

All right, I'll give you a day or seventy to think about it. In the mean time, hopefully no plastic pieces will be stuck into my foot requiring surgical removal because I will name you as the person responsible for the bill.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

2011-08-30T01:02:00.005-04:00

Normally I would say it's just a train coming to squish me but maybe, just maybe, not this time around. I have to credit our good success for all your prayers. Not a bump, everything went smoothly EXCEPT we all had a hard time getting up. But other than that - it was like butter. Or pronounced buh-tah.

I asked everyone what they thought and Nicholas informed me they should be done with everything no later than February. I said if that were the case, I'll order next year's stuff and they can get cracking at it. I then thought about it and asked if they really could do it because that may work out to our advantage. Because I have mention a time or 30 I'm a bit skert of next year's load.

I'm not holding my breath but we shall see. I did find it funny that after cracking the whip on harder stuff last year, they sort of scoffed that's it? I would like to point out that they are slightly cowering in fear about the German that they haven't touched yet. I'll also leave off all the whining, the crying, the boo-hooing that went on last year about how hard everything was. Amazing what a year can do. We shall see. But there was no attitude, everyone got at it and it was music to this tired woman's ears.

Maybe there really is a light that doesn't belong to a train?

In other light news, I can't remember if I blogged about it or just posted it on facebook but the large pig size TV did die and we were stuck with the smaller ye oldie version of a TV. So Hubs got to researching and found that ordering online you can get a larger TV cheaper. Same brand and size but about $200 cheaper and Wal-mart let's you ship it to the nearest store for free. Sign me up!

Then the waiting began.

And we all know what a fan I am of waiting.

Cricket, cricket

I can't even type that with a straight face.

Finally the TV came today. I had no idea I was missing out on all my TV viewing. I'm fully aware I am lacking in the life department as I have none, so TV has sort of taken over for now. I now feel that has gone to a whole new level. I had heard all this hype of HD TV and blah, blah. Who knew something actually delivered on the hype?? Nothing like being behind the times.

That is until I get a smart phone. Which may be in my near future as the home phone is looking like it's going to go buh-bye. I'm sort of in mourning over that. I'm not sure you are aware of this or not but....I can talk.....for hours. I know! You are pinned back into your chair just shocked with this secret.

Although a few of you are laughing so hard you're about to pee.

So I'm not sure how I feel to have limits on how long I can talk. But it doesn't matter because I only talk to 1 person on a regular basis so I don't see it being a problem. The upside - if I have to get a new number AND a new email address....my folks won't be able to get a hold of me.

I will pause as you imagine me hopping around doing a happy dance.

I won't be totally cut off as my in-laws will still be able to hunt us down as I'm friends with my MIL on facebook. Don't.even.get.me.started. Please. I beg of thee. Don't ask.....as it is a long tale of woe that will cause your eyes to roll back into your head. And I don't need that type of guilt right now.

Goodness knows I have plenty as it is.

So in the last shining light sparkly news, Hubby's certification stuff FINALLY came. Dude crushed that test. We knew he passed it but dang! He knocked it out of the park - got a 94%. Now let the job hunting begin!! He would have done the resume stuff tonight but he was too busy hooking up the TV and reconnecting everything. We had to hold Jared's hand through the whole process as he was distraught to see the Wii unplugged. Wasn't sure if he was going to make for a second.

But feeling purty good for a first day. After all these years, it really wasn't that big of a deal. And that is saying something.

And Away We Go...

2011-08-29T00:07:00.005-04:00

Starting another school year. So far I haven't cried, no one has sprained an eye from rolling it, and so far the eyebrows are all behaving. Too bad it's only 12 a.m. and I've yet to face the actual school day.

Minor detail.

This time last year I'm pretty sure I was crying, rocking in a corner, and inhaling a bag of chocolate. This time around no crying, no rocking but I did make a pan of brownies and I am guilty for eating most of the pan.

Jared is all set to go and right now the table looks like a bookstore sneezed all over it. It usually takes us a week or 2 to get it all figured out and to settle into a schedule. Just in time for Labor Day weekend to throw it all off. But since we've been off since the middle of May, I figured we better get cracking before they forget how to even spell their names.

I think I'm only partially kidding on that one.

I'm actually feeling pretty good about this year. It's next year that I'm terrified of. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth and that's just from me. I think I'll spend next summer trying to figure out how to slip the boys some form of pill that will chill them out. Or I'll hoard the pills so I will be completely chilled out while they go bazerk with an epic school load.

Works for me.

There were a few digs between N and M. N made the snarky comment about betting M won't even get out of bed on time tomorrow. I feel for both because I, too, can't get out of bed on time nor can I keep my mouth shut thus making any situation I find myself in much worse.

It is a gift.

That I keep trying to return.

This year they will NOT be working together as someone felt that his twin was an anchor to his day, a boulder around his neck pulling him into the deep waters of we will never get this done. The funny thing is Nicholas wasn't better at algebra but he got it done verses Michael took all the live long day. By forcing them to work together, it slowed N down enough to not make as many mistakes and it sped up M to get done before dinner.

All I can say is N better pray to God that he doesn't need M's help with Geometry next year or there will be crow to pay. I'm not sure what the currant price of crow is but I have a feeling dude's crow will have some serious inflation not to mention all the penalties.

Speaking of returning things...we may be getting rid of our Internet, TV, phone bundle. It turns out they feel the need to try and squeeze any amount of money we may think we might own. What fun! If we only had the money they thought we had I'm sure it would be all a walk in the park. Turns out reality says, "me thinketh not."

But thanks to some suggestions from the notorious Gangsta Ninja, Hubby is working on a plan that I really didn't pay attention to when he was telling me about it.

Paybacks for all the times he's fallen asleep in the middle of a conversation. So now if I find his conversations boring I zone out to my happy place. I just have to stop humming the theme song as that keeps giving me away.

And huge shout outs to Gangsta Ninja. We thought our brakes were really bad because they squealed and sort of didn't work when in reverse. He was kind enough to check them out and informed us they are fine just brake dust. And happy day! He still reads this trash. I am so sorry. I try to get better but this is me and there really is no improving.

Like this shocks you.

I do rant, don't I? Never mind - I don't want to know.

So I should try to go to bed because I have no idea how tomorrow will go. I found myself saying, "I think I can, I think I can" a few times. Not sure if that is progress or a sign that therapy is needed. Maybe both.

To all the parents about to face a new school year - we salute you!

I Stand Corrected

2011-08-24T01:38:00.007-04:00

Clearly the craziness is really just code for "shopping at Wal-Mart" because it was a delicate mix of chaos and sheer pandemonium. I must have missed all the warning signs that I was going to enter the danger zone.

I really don't want to talk about the amount of money we spent because frankly I'm still a bit weepy over it. It just turned into one of those times when the boys needed stuff. Like underwear as Jared was apparently wearing his last pair and informed me of this as we were walking out the door. When he said, "at least this time around I didn't have to re-wear a pair."

Say what?!?!

I think my heart may have stopped in my chest for a good 10 seconds.

How the heck did the hillbilly gene get into my baby?? You know how they talk about genetics skipping a generation? Yeah, well. I've mention what a gem my FIL isn't.

On top of that, the older 2 had the nerve to need shoes.

And not only that but I had Pioneer Woman's Mushroom Swiss Sliders (which are out of this world good) on the menu but also her peach whiskey BBQ chicken thighs and.....I needed a dutch oven...not to mention the whiskey.

Word to the non-drinking people - that stuff ain't cheap. Someone explain to me how anyone can afford to drink this stuff?? I'll leave off the why anyone would want to drink it because really is all tastes like the smell of rubbing alcohol to me but I hear I'm not normal.

Like that's a shock.

The grand total of people needing underwear and shoes, whiskey and things to cook them in, not to mention all the food to feed these people came to an ungodly amount. It was so bad my card refused to process it and I had to write a check.

All together now.............OW!

Not to mention we had to go to the other store because Heaven forbid our stuffmart carry things. That is only strike 1 in this story.

I had to pick up a few notebooks for the guys school stuff and a pack of pens. I'm pretty sure I've seen less horror in an R rated movie. The pushing, the shoving, the ripping things from people's hands was at an all time high. And no it wasn't me. The shelves looked like they were ready to dump their cargo and run. Strike 2.

After that happy experience, we had to hunt down clothing. I saw a shirt that was just so Nicholas. I pointed it out to him and he totally agreed with me and tossed it in the buggy before you could say, "um, wait." Then a truly shocking moment happened when Michael saw a shirt he really liked. This almost never happens so I grabbed the shirt from his hands and slam dunked it in the buggy. But without all the force so as not to ruin it as that will only get me a dirty look with mutterings of why can't I act like a grown up.

Because I have children who drove all my sanity away so now they are stuck with what they have created. Funny how they always fail to pick that part up.

Then we had to go to the shoe department. I just love to shoe shop with the twins!! It's almost as fun as shopping for clothes with them!!! (that is code for no way, no how do I enjoy this so please kill me now and make it as slow as possible as that would be far less painful)

(I should also point out that Jared usually just gets all the hand-me-downs and can care less so he's the easiest thing to shop with. The re-wearing of underpants should be further proof of his commitment to not caring.)

I will say that God was very merciful as He knew what the amount was going to be so in all His awesomeness, He lined up everything just so and all items were acquired without any mishaps or incidents.

While it is true those pesky 6 items were not to be found therefore causing a trip to the other store that just happens to be in a middle of a HUGE remodel project which turned into the worst scavenger hunt ever - everything else was done.

Then we went to the checkout area where even Hubby said......well, he too was blown away with the long lines.

And he's the patient one.

It was epic. It was beyond strike 3. I had NEVER seen it that bad. That's saying something when you consider all my posts about the Wal-Marts.

Again God looked out for us because a cashier came out of no where and no one seemed to notice him. Except me. This time around we had 4 carts and in that insane amount of people and tempers flying, we managed to get our crew into the lane without bloodshed. And the guy was fast and could count past 10.

I didn't even have to let the eyebrow arch at anyone. Tell me that wasn't a miracle.

So when the amount popped up, I didn't freak out, ~~just slightly whimpered~~ I thanked God that we got what we needed and we had - had the money to cover it. Now that money is just a distant memory. But hey we've got some awesome stuff and will be eating well at least for the next 2 weeks. Next trip I may force everyone to eat just ramen noodles.

The Craziness Continues

2011-08-22T00:55:00.006-04:00

Or as we like to call it - just another day in paradise. Only without the paradise.

Which I can't really say that as I had a wonderful weekend.

Saturday was our anniversary. It started off all high tech - we sent gooey emails to each other. Sure as heck beats getting a card......that both of us forgot to get. But really who's counting after this many years anyway???

After paying dues in the mommy trenches for years, we have now reached the golden age of leaving the spawn without them needing supervision and they are too young to borrow a vehicle. So we left for the day. The house was still standing when we got back and no one was injured or maimed in the process.

Believe me, after the last couple weeks with these moody people, we had bets going on as to who would make it and who was going to be toast. I had just threatened the day before if I had to hear one more complaint about someone was being annoying, I was going to yank my ears off, hide in a corner, and refuse to cook for a week. Thankfully food is their love language right now so cooler heads prevailed. That and I promised to make lasagna if everyone chilled out.

And I'm still bitter that chocolate does nothing for boys and their PMS issues.

The last few times we ventured near a mall, the older 2 pretty much felt all hope was lost for society and wanted to get out as fast as possible. With Hubby job hunting here shortly ~~if the darn paperwork would ever get here~~ I had suggested some new threads may be needed. Which is way nicer than, "You're not going to wear THAT are you? You haven't bought any new clothes in over a decade."

Clearly, I am a master at subtlety.

Believe me it was a challenge because he hates to spend money on himself. Hence the decade with the same clothes.

We braved the mall, and wouldn't you know it - sales were a plenty. I will say that dude cracks me up. Most times you can't get him to talk to people yet when it comes to fashion - the flashier the tie, the happier he is. He doesn't clash at all and can match colors very well but wowzers - it can be bold.

The funny part is his children did NOT get this same sense of style. I think Michael may be the poster child for conservative dressing. Needless to say, they were not impressed with what their dad picked out. But my man looks good. Unless I grab the camera and then suddenly he makes faces that crack me up. I used one for my facebook profile and it makes me smile because we are that weird.

We had a blast going into stores and just looking at stuff. Slightly bummed as there were a few things I wanted to buy but it was out of the price range but it was nice to just look. Please tell me I'm not the only person who feels rushed to get stuff done? Most times I feel like it's go-go-go to get the errands done and then get home. To just stop and look at stuff? Well, who has time for that anyway?

Time is my love language. That and talking until Hubs passes out from all the words.

We get done with that and we headed back home much to the disappointment of the spawn. They perked back up when we informed them we were coming home to get them food and so that I could change clothes and then leave again.

I had a cute dress I wanted to wear but no way was I going to hoof it all over a mall in it and in non-supportive shoes. Just hand me my Ensure and walker and mammaw is ready.

So we tossed food at them and peeled out of the driveway. Had a nice time and we came home and sat in the van and just talked for over an hour. I like to think of it as a grown up version of hiding in the bathroom to get away from the kids.

And let me tell you it gets more complicated the older they get because now the guys want to join in on ALL the conversations. On one hand it's good for them to see how hard relationships can be and how they need to be committed to talking stuff out. On the other hand, it kind of freaks them out if my heads starts to spin.

Details, details.

But we had a very nice time. Then it was back to the reality of dang we have kids. And school starts up next week so we need to work on a schedule and what luck! it's time to go grocery shopping.

Homeschooling All The Way

2011-08-19T01:50:00.000-04:00

DeeDee is having a homeschool curriculum round up. I can say I've been homeschooling for over a decade. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this punishment but...I'm going to be obedient and keep pressing on. With 10th grade starting up for the older 2 - what's a few more years?

If you've homeschooled more than a year than you have learned to be flexible with the whole curriculum thing. Some stuff worked great for a couple years but not for all subjects etc. I've been getting a ton of emails regarding homeschool through high school lately and thought I would give a few thoughts.

My husband is really book smart. He says stuff that makes my head spin, but lack of some other skills, I think, is what kept him locked in construction rather than moving forward. While that will be changing shortly, it's made for some hard years. And with all his smarts dude can.not keep a checkbook balanced.

I, however, with all my goofballness can balance a checkbook, thank you very much!

I've tried to approach homeschooling to not only cover the basics but also what skills would they need to survive on their own. Like balancing a checkbook.

If I can do the high school years, than so can you. Yes, it is intimidating but from the books that I've read, the sheer amount of prayer, and God still not letting me off the hook - it can be done, it just takes extra planning.

First off the bat, go to HSLDA and find out what your state requires. I'm not going to lie - it is overwhelming! Have chocolate on hand as well as a box of Kleenex because if you are like me, then you will bawl your eyes out and tell God, yet again, you can't do this. If you are also like me, chances are you were told to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get to planning. You may, or may not, have muttered dagnabbit several times. But you do need to have a 4 year game plan as it really does help stay the course so to speak.

I got the book High School @ Home by Diana Johnson. It came with a CD to help with all the transcripts and different forms. It has been a HUGE help. It walks you through a lot of stuff and helps with the planning department. I got it at a homeschool bookstore but I've also seen it on CBD.com.

Also know your kid. While that is a big duh - there is a reason for it. Rules without relationship breeds rebellion. There is a lot to tackle for high school and the more you can get them on board and to see the goal, they'll, hopefully, help verses digging in their heels because all they see is a mountain of work. ~~And you on the floor in a fetal position praying for the rapture.~~ If your kid knows where they want to go for college, go check out their website and see what their requirements are and if there is any additional information for homeschoolers. Some will want both SAT scores plus ACT scores or whatever the state tests are. That will help you plan as well.

I can't stress it enough - it has helped to plan out the 4 years. For example, I had the guys hit math and science hard for 9th grade. They did algebra (Teaching Textbooks) and biology (A Beka). Since we did hard stuff with that, I went soft on English and history. I've found with them, they can do the hard stuff but they do get overwhelmed real quick so I've tried to keep it balanced.

For Jared - Switched On Schoolhouse is working for this grade. Nicholas and Michael loved it until about 7th grade and then we had all kinds of problems with them acing the work but failing the tests and had to jump ship. So for this year, J is all set. It just hit me he'll be 7th grade next year.

Hold me.

BIBLE: I think studying the bible is important but I did not want to turn bible time into just another subject to be graded and tested on. I honestly haven't been that impressed with a lot of bible curriculum out there. I've found taking the pressure off of having to make a grade did wonders with their understanding rather than parroting the information. They have to read 1 chapter a day and that's it. Plus we do a family bible study once a week.

A few years back they had to write 1 verse out of that chapter in cursive. I was able to cover 2 subjects with one stone. Bye-bye birdie! Because I am all about those 2 for 1! My darling angels grew horns and fought me on various subjects. And you know what? That is to be expected because not everyone can master every skill. My uptight homeschooling self needs to be reminded of that often.

MATH: I've heard a lot of people say that geometry should may be held off till 11th grade. Some kids frontal lobes are still developing and some of this stuff doesn't stick. We got through the evilness of algebra (Teaching Textbooks) and felt like they needed a bit of a break. I really like the Teaching Textbooks. There were a few times Hubs said the guy made it too hard and showed the guys short cuts. My eyes glazed over and I may have blacked out but they got through it.

This year is a smoosh of personal finances, early accounting, and economics. SOS has a new personal fiance that came out and it's a one semester study. I'm not sure what all is in the study pack but I will make sure they can balance a checkbook and handle money. Dave Ramsey's books will be added as well. I also picked up What Ever Happened To Penny Candy? by Richard J. Maybury. I've read lots of reviews and said this is a must read regarding economics.

Wonder if I can send a copy to Washington D.C.? Just saying.

We're also going to use the second part of the semester doing timed tests. These guys have never had to deal with that and the state we might be moving to requires state testing every year. So I got a book on preparing for taking the ACT and we'll work our way up to them getting used to being timed. I don't know if I've mentioned it a time or 500 but N and M have 2 speeds, slow and extra slow as they are perfectionist. But given enough time, they will almost ace it. J on the other hand will fly through something and can careless what the grade is.

ENGLISH: I did Painless Grammar a while ago and the guys really liked it. I picked up Painless Writing. Literature did not go well as I've stated in earlier posts. I also got Wordly Wise for vocabulary. We'll still do a few book reports or I'll beat Nicholas over the head with the book and see if osmosis works. Michael is a huge reader and so long as it's something he wants to read, he'll do the report. They better enjoy it because next year will be hard core writing - everything from essays to research papers. I have a feeling it may get ugly.

HISTORY: By this time I was whimpering in the corner of 1 more subject to fight over. I wasn't finding anything I felt was right. Everything was early American History which we have covered from day 1. There were threats of tossing oneself out the window if we covered early American History again.

And that was just from me.

I remember sitting in college and having no clue what notes to take and how to take it. 2 for 1 - last year we went with DVDs and the boys had to learn to take notes from listening. It's a lot harder than it sounds! The guys really did like it and they retained the information and could tell me what was discussed. Just for extra, I got Study Skills for teens by Lesa Siebert on DVD which is probably going to be our fist week.

This year we are doing the Civil War first semester and the rest of American History the second semester. It'll again be DVDs with them taking notes. Vision Forum has Warriors of Honor DVD and Ken Burns did a whole series for PBS on the Civil War. The only down side is the one for PBS is not from a Christian point of view. We did David Barton's series on the founding fathers and one of the things he said is that a lot of books on history are being re-written leaving information out.

So not knowing what Mr. Burns point of view is, I'm tossing in a bit of logic and we shall see what we come up with. I was going to order a DVD on logic but it didn't get good reviews as the example they used wasn't shown due to copyright laws. So I ordered the book The Thinking Toolbox which got tons of great reviews.

I've already heard grumbling about yet another book but I find if I stick my fingers in my ears I can't hear it.

SCIENCE: I liked A Beka for biology. It was hard but very thorough. Normally biology is set for 10th grade but I got this back when they were in 8th grade. It was a huge challenge but they got through it - in 2 years. I got them Physical Science and is a lot less stressful than biology so it better not take them that long.

FOREIGN LANGUAGE: I was sweating this one because we tried doing Latin a few years ago and it didn't go so hot. I would like to point out that when considering this subject how is your kid wired? Neither N or M can roll their tongues. J on the other hand takes every opportunity to roll his tongue just to annoy his brothers.

Truly is a wonder I'm not medicated.

Upon discussing this with Hubby he suggested that everything from Spanish to French would be beyond frustrating for them and suggested we pick one that didn't require the tongue to roll. I hadn't thought of that, but then again, my brain can only handle sarcasm.

So they picked German and the reason behind it is they play a lot of World War 2 video games and want to know what the Nazis were saying.

Crickets chirping

Whatever it takes.

I'll leave off I tried to get them to take Chinese so they could order me an egg roll but I was told I'm not funny. I'm not sure why they thought I was kidding. China owns most of our debt anyway so I'm just trying to think of the future.

Instant Immersion is compared to Rosetta stone. It's both CD and DVD and I got it for $30.00 at Sam's Club! Rosetta stone is around $500. Booyah!

MUSIC: The twins are naturally talented in this department and will keep on going with that. They get a kick out of "having to play" as part of their school. Really wish we can get them lessons - we'll have to see how money goes. And after the paint by numbers fiasco with Jared, we're not going to worry about extras.

They guys all hate art so no point in forcing them to do it when there are so many other things to cover. But they have to do their laundry, they can cook, and I'm going to make them tackle their own ironing. I may chew off a button and then have them sew it back on. Jared needs to learn some of these skills because he still believes that's why women are around.

Feel free to smack him.

The older 2 having been doing some hiking with Hubs. In the Spring they did a 5 mile hike with full packs and I know once the weather cools off more they'll hit that again. Jared and I will miss them. I'm not even that cruel to force them to take Sir Whines-a-lot, who happens to be more afraid of bugs than I am.

It never feels like I got enough but there is going to be so much there to cover it'll be by the grace of God to get through it all.

Research and plan. It can be done.

Or you could join me in my prayers that Jesus comes back real quick before Jared learns how to drive. I've seen him on the Wii and it's not pretty.

Well....

2011-08-17T02:23:00.007-04:00

I bit the bullet and got the transcripts done. It turns out my brilliant self, who was in a massive panic attack at thinking of homeschooling through high school, bought a book that, low and behold, walks you through the whole planning of it AND came with a CD that has all these forms and whathaveyou so easy peasy rice and cheesy.

Amazing when you actually READ the book and all those words linked together with forms and instructions. Actually looks all professional like.

And I homeschool.

If this doesn't prove to you people that God has a sense of humor, I truly fear for you because you are hopeless. Or I'm hopeless. Or maybe it's a combination of both of us or all of us in this deep journey of being without hope. Or not.

I think I was born with a BS degree - whatcha think?

Further proof - my mother....

Now I could just leave it like that and you would just nod your head but wait....there's more.

When we last left our heroine, she had FINALLY stood up for herself. It was truly amazing, she did it with her knees totally knocking and she questioned if it would actually do anything. More than a month went by and still she found herself hunched over waiting for the proverbial smack to the head.

An email arrived in our heroine's in box asking her for her brother-in-law's address because he had been on the mother person's mind and feels she should write him a letter.

Come again???

I hear nothing on the subject of 'we will go no further until this gets talked out' and the only thing I get back is the request for my BIL's address?? Which is going to be awkward since boy wonder still lives with his parents - my in-laws. That would be the same MIL who hates my mother and I'm pretty sure at one point had a voodoo doll of my mom which she says that was before Jesus. Frankly, I'm still skert.

The only time my parents interacted with the dude was at our wedding. I sent the email on to my MIL and asked what she would like as it's HER address and HER son that my mom thinks will be able to convince him to turn his life over to Jesus. Clearly all the rest of our attempts could not possibly reach the same levels that her compelling words can reach.

Ahem.

First thing that came to my mind was geez mom, mind your own business. I was a little worried MIL was going to go off about it but she didn't and didn't really say anything about it.

Odd.

I'm now wondering if she's pulling the doll back out.

Hubs said I shouldn't respond to the email as I was very clear that there was no moving forward until other issues were dealt with. Obviously my mother spent a whopping 2 seconds mulling that one over and pressed on.

And she accuses ME of having attention issues??

But I feel this is just a test for me. All the junk that was spewing from the whole issues, I turned over to Jesus and put it on the moving truck and He drove it away. So now I find myself facing an old issue but trying to find new habits on how to deal with it.

She still shocks the crap out of me but I'm finding that it's not having power over me.

One step at a time out of this grave.

Oy Vey!

2011-08-15T11:04:00.004-04:00

It was a looong weekend. Our modem died like Friday afternoon at the stroke of 5. At least that is what I'm guessing because wouldn't you know it, after running through all the hoops no one could come out and fix it until Monday....morning.

Monday and morning should not go into a sentence together unless the word hate is somewhere smooshed into it.

So it was up to me to get up and be presentable waiting on Mr. Cable person. Dude was right on time and got it all fixed and the Internet was restored and there was rejoicing in the land!

Once I stopped yawning.

I bet this is Al Gore getting revenge on me for that snarky comment about him turning on the fans in Cuba to blast us with a heat wave to prove his global warming theory I made on Twitter a month ago.

Darn that Al!

So over the weekend I managed to dragged Hubby to go see the movie The Help Friday night. How often do you here a movie doing a book justice? This one did. Loved it. Loved the book, loved the movie - I will buy it on DVD the moment it's in stores. Everyone has blogged about seeing it and yes they left out stuff but the flow of the movie really went with the book. And I've never seen a movie stay that true to a book before. See Irma? Miracles do still happen.

After we saw the movie, we had to hop over to the Wal-marts because Hubby had a brilliant idea for a Lego container and we didn't get it while we went grocery shopping because I wasn't sure we could fit all the groceries, the hurkin container, and our children all in the van.

I'm so picky.

I know I joke about stuffmart quite a bit. And this isn't really their fault. But the freaks were out in full force after 11 pm. First, I get out of our van to have the guy in the car next to our start to meow at me. That's a true story right there.

Once we got away from king meows-a-lot, we ran smack dab behind the beanie hat brigade. It was still rather warm out and all 5 of them had winter hats on. Their ages range from should know better and beyond. Un.be.lievable. I swear there is something funky in the water near the Wal-marts.

Needless to say, we did not dilly-dally at stuffmart. On top of that they were restocking the shelves and we could barely get the cart through anything.

Sunday we took the boys out to Cracker Barrel. I think the eye twitching was going full force and I may, or may not, have refused to cook. I'm not really sure - it was all a blur. The angst was at an all time high for everyone. Lack of Internet, a lot of unknown, and a bunch of other stuff just left everyone is a grumpy mood. It seems when we are feeling sad and blue, we like to go out in public where we can always find a handful of people that makes us feel oh, so much better about ourselves.

Don't look at me all innocent like. You know you do it too.

After we stuffed ourselves, we made a trip to Target to get Jared new shoes. Turns out his feet decided to grow. We had some hand-me-down shoes but Hubster can't find where he put them. I'll leave off how smug I felt about the whole thing. Dude made him go through old shoes because dude wants to pack as much stuff up as possible. Now he can't find anything. I think I deserve extra points for not saying, "welcome to my world."

We barely made it home in time for the food coma to hit, aka a nap. At least I did, I have no idea what the rest of the yahoos did. When I woke up everyone was in a better mood. Good thing I had that nap. Hardly got any sleep last night as I was worried I wouldn't hear the alarm and miss the cable guy fixing the Internet.

Why, yes, I have no life and only connect with people through the Internet and am slightly addicted. However could you tell? You couldn't even see the eye twitch.

Wonder if I can sneak in another nap?

It's A Tie!!!

2011-08-11T01:45:00.009-04:00

What could be a tie you may wonder. It's between me being pressured with mommy guilt and being stupid. How else can you explain why I bought a paint by numbers kit for Jared and myself?

I swear I just heard someone say, "dude, what where you thinking?" (in your best Monica voice) IIIII KNOW!

After boy wonder bugged me within an inch of complete insanity, I gave in and away we painted. Or at least started cuz holy tiny print, batman! I am stiff and sore from being all hunched over. And I so should have seen it coming but that stupid part kicked in leaving me unprepared for the "Mom can you help me" look I got.

I'm not sure but I think he just sort of threw the paint on rather than actually use the brush but hey we're having fun and creating good memories. If we forget the fact that I yelled at him for bugging me and then he spent a good 5 minutes telling me why I'm sort of crazy and tend to yell a lot.

I did what any mother would do - wished him a kid just like himself so he too could understand going grey early.

But amazingly that was not the point of the blog post. Shocking, I know. I have been hinting about the white chocolate chex stuff on facebook for a few weeks. Today is your lucky day because I'm actually posting it here with pictures but not facebook because I have people on facebook I don't want reading my blog and vice versa.

One annoying cousin who can't seem to keep him mouth shut. Every village has an idiot and he is ours.

The recipe called for lemon and the whole It's A Tie title was we tried this with both lemon and lime and we all agree both are equally good. (But I don't recommend using both flavors at the same time)

What you will need is:

Not all that hard - even I can do this! I used the whole box of chex (12.8 oz) - dumped the whole thing in a large bowl.

Next in a microwave safe bowl dump in whole bag of white chocolate chips. (If a few try to jump out for freedom, gobble it up as an example to the rest of the chips. Or not. Tell the chip to go forth and be free but don't be surprised if the wayward chip brings in ants.)

Next add 1/4 cup of butter (half a stick).

Either a lemon OR a lime - zest the tarnation out of the fruit. Zest like you really mean it and then zest some more. Completely zest the fruit of choice. Then cut open the nekkid fruit and squeeze the life out of it. You'll need 2 Tablespoons of juice. Pour it in with the chips. (I had an extra lime because I didn't realize the fruit was juicy enough for 2T)

Microwave chips, butter, zest, and juice for 1 minutes and stir. Microwave longer until stirred smooth.

Torment your help while you wait for microwave. After stirring chips first time, torment him some more until he is on the floor begging and/or hiding from the camera. Like so...

Nicholas would be soooo mad at me if he knew I posted this so mums the word! It was actually nice to see him smiling instead of scowling OR chewing his fingers. Don't even get me started about it.

I would like to point out that the lemon stirred a lot smoother than the lime. The lime sort of gelled up like for some reason. But it all works.

Pour over cereal, stirring until evenly coated.

This is where having a helper is handy. According to the recipe you're to put the coated cereal into a 2 gallon zip lock bag. I, however, could not find a 2 gallon bag and therefore had to use 2 - 1 gallon bags. Hence the helper had to hold open bag.

Next you're to dump in 2 cups powdered sugar but since this is what we are dealing with 1 cup per bag. Then shake it like ya mean it! Keep shaking until it's all coated.

Lay down wax paper and then pour out the goodness to finish cooling. Then have your helper totally get his revenge by snatching the camera and taking a busted type picture.

I hear this is going to be exhibit A for some type of disagreement we may have at some point in the near future. Silly boy! I have waaay more photos for blackmailing that he will on me. It just dawned on me that I'm not wearing makeup in this picture. Just pretend you don't see the dark circles, k?

We're All In The Dog House

2011-08-10T01:15:00.000-04:00

I tell ya, it is a sad tale of woe. Nary an innocent person resides at this here house.

Nay!
Not.
One.

While this doesn't shock you, because, hellooo? you've been here before. But you can't deny your curiosity is slightly tickled. Or it's a dead piece of curiousness because you know that is what killed the cat. Then I would say you are much smarter than I am.

Anyhoo of whathaveya, it turns out the TV that the in-laws brought up was not a piece of crap that I had condemned it to be. Since Jared has a major video game addiction that I let him indulge in because he drives me nuts with all the talk about NOTHING and never picks up on when I have fallen head first into a coma and my brain runs away screaming. One of the video gaming things decided that it, too, was tired of the same stupid game he was playing and mercifully went silent.

In my defense, I did tell Hubs to recheck the condemned thing before unplugging it and all that jazz. Did I mention this sucker is the size and weight of a very large adult pig? And do you think this was done? The whole checking thing?

That would be a no go, Captain.

We had to resort back to the original TV that is a lot smaller. We were already trying to figure out a way to get a replacement TV - as in welcome to a flat screen because that is all you can find now days.

So yesterday Jared was, once again, playing the blasted thing when the TV went silent. It was right at that moment I had what we call a light bulb experience. And then figured out Hubs and the older boys did all that huffing and puffing to remove the pig....for......nothing.

It was a proud moment for me but I did say to check it before you unplug it. I can tell you they were not amused. But truth be told we were going to sell it in a moving sale because very big pig of a TV takes up space. Now there is still huffing and puffing because it looks like the new TV will have to be put on hold. Little details like needing money seems to slip the spawns' minds.

Clearly it was a good choice to go with personal fiances come fall.

So there was a bit of angst handed out to everyone. Then I had to pull out the dreaded list as the time of filling up the pantry which leads to the loading of the carts was upon us. Much weeping and gnashing of teeth was to be had.

And that was just from me.

I had such high hopes with how fast the list came together. I even found 4 whole stupid coupons to use. Surely this was a sign that the planets were lined up and angels were singing, right??

You must be new here cuz that just ain't gonna happen.

I will say we actually experienced something new at stuffmart. Didn't hear one kid scream but actually heard a kid just belly laugh. Up and down the aisle this kid was just cracking up laughing. Wonder if she was drunk. The parents totally look like they would slip beer in her bottle too.

We got through stuffmart with nary a scratch or scrape and managed to find 5 lanes open! My heart pounded as I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would exit stuffmart without wanting to hurt someone. I looked at the cashier with hope and expectation....

and then it crashed and burned with the cruelness of reality.

I swear if you would have asked this guy to count to 21 he would have had to get naked to use all his digits to get him to the goal. But by some miracle he was faster than Skippy, the eternally slow cashier from hell.

We get done and then had to make a jaunt over to the other grocery store as wouldn't you know it, some key elements were needed like produce. Wal-marts produce scares me. When there are so many bugs hovering around all the fruits and veggies and will pull out a shiv to sword fight you for whatever it was you thought you were going to get - you just walk away, people. The bugs were out in full force and I kept right on going - to another store.

We left the spawn with the food and told them we would be right back only to walk into a store that is under major construction and nothing was where it was supposed to be.

Houston, we have a problem.

After 15 laps of the whole store, because someone thought putting sunglasses with the yogurt was a good idea, we were able to escape there as well. Luckily for us, we got done a lot sooner than what we thought so that was golden.

And on the way home Hubby asked how those transcripts were coming along.

I thought about stopping and kicking him out but I have a feeling that would have been counter productive. I gave him a you're kidding look and asked why right this second when I'm exhausted and still had to put everything away did he think was the right moment to bring it up?

I didn't get much of an answer.

I'm juuuussst about done with those transcripts. At least I will be whenever I crawl out of the corner and stop breathing through a paper bag. I was having some issues figuring out a GPA (grade point average). I bought a book, with CD, that comes with all these forms and such to help do transcripts because I are a dummy. And if el stupido would read the book then he could tell me what to do.

I so gotcha with that one.

In his defense, life has overwhelmed him and he left it all up to me and then points out where I'm dropping the ball. Stellar of a guy. It should be no surprise why I threaten him on a regular basis.

But I love him. Because he would stalk me if I said anything different. I think we made some agreement to haunt each other if anything mysterious were to happen to either one of us. This was after we agreed that the first person out the door gets a bullet in the back. I think that's a fair trade - if you walk out on me, I shoot you, you can haunt me until I croak.

Now that, my friends, is true commitment. You just don't see that now days. Nor the crazy look in my husband's eyes but he doesn't scare me. If you'd met my mother you would totally understand.

You should also know I am kidding. But only on some of the points. And now you are left to wonder. Muwahaha!

Seems like I actually had some point I was trying to make, but in all my silliness I lost it. But can you REALLY lose something you never really had to begin with, I ask you?

Someone throw me a milk bone! Just make sure you dip it in some chocolate first, m'kay? It just feels like a dog eat dog world, and today I am wearing milk bone underpants. Woof!

What Length Would You Go To Be Free?

2011-08-09T02:30:00.002-04:00

I know that is a loaded title. Free from what, you may ask. I'll warn you, this is long so have refreshments to make it through. But you don't have to worry because I'm pretty sure you won't launch any liquids out of your mouth. Not that type of post.

This posts has been rolling around my head and circumstances being what they are and all that, I'm dealing with stuff.

Ah stuff. How we covet you, need you, and then despise you for clogging up all our space and demand to be dusted.

The topic of moving and all that it entails has been huge around here for months. Still loaded down with a lot of my folks' stuff, I am all for getting rid of things. Not knowing where we will end up and trying to look at how are we going to do this is making me twitch all the more to get rid of stuff.

But what if it's emotional stuff?

I'm finding there is no end to emotional baggage. A bit of fear over in the corner, a hurking trunk full of unforgiveness, and I'm a bit skert to look in a couple other boxes. I've always struggled with the verse about Jesus heals the brokenhearted because I'm pretty sure a time or 50 that mine has been smashed to bits. All I have to show for it is sticky goo of duct tape as I've tried to mend it and go on because the show and all that rot won't let me stop and heal.

And then something interestingly painful happened - life as I knew it stopped. Everything dried up and I found myself as a lone little fish who's pond has dried up instantly. There I lay gasping for breath, feeling the life slowly ebb away and not being able to do anything about it.

I've heard that our thoughts are like fixing up a room and whenever something comes along we retreat into this mental room and sit there. We can relieve the hurts of the past that want to reinforce why people suck and make vows never to allow people in again. (I am so guilty of that one.) Or we can sit in a cheerful room remembering the good times.

Please, don't point fingers. I'm in enough pain as it is.

We're doing a couple bible studies, as in reading out loud, from a couple books. Tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor because the book I'm reading out loud is about total forgiveness. It is incredibly humbling to know if none of my kids were looking, I would have flung that book across the room followed by enough language to peel wallpaper.

What can I say, other than woe is me for I am a person of unclean lips! If I stub my toe, you are not going to hear me say, "well golly gee that wasn't fun and shucky darn that smarts". Hells no. But you would be rather impressed to what art form I could condemn that piece of furniture that I'm convinced leaped out to attack my toes.

I'm still amazed God hasn't zapped me to be a greasy spot on the floor.

And that was the image I was given of God - looking for someone to swat for not obeying the rules. Far from the truth!

So there I am, trying to keep from being the example of the week of how not to behave. I finally had to lay the book down and openly admit I'm not there and it seemed like a mountain that could not possible be climbed over or around. I was surprised that a couple of my guys felt the same way and was sort of relieved to see me struggle.

Um, you're welcome??

Here's the tricky part - someone might read this next part and want to get into a great debate and blah, blah, blah. All I know is after spending most of my life in church I have never heard anyone say this is how you get over (fill in the blank). All I've heard is the rules to behave and woe to you if you don't. Don't smoke, don't chew, don't hang out with those that do. Alrighty check, check, check - but I'm still a mess. Following all the rules has not changed me one little bit!

How is that walking in truth? The truth sets you free. So I decided to look at some truth. Truth is I've had a lot of pain in life and there is a lot I've never really dealt with. Yeah, I joke about keeping that broad quiet with a bag or 20 of cookies but that hasn't been all that freeing either. Matter of fact, that brought on a whole other set of problems.

Good gravy! This can get ugly on a number of levels.

Unfortunately, I have stayed in my thought room and looked at pain. Whether you want to acknowledge we have spiritual enemies or not, does not change the fact that as a believer there is an enemy against the soul. He doesn't play fair, he doesn't follow the rules, he doesn't take a break, and has struck when I wasn't even aware of what was going on. Now, I have old patterns and habits that aren't healthy and I have no idea how I got here or even how to change.

Coming across a couple books, and getting my butt kicked through the goal posts - again, I decided to turn on the light in my thought room. And really it wasn't much of a room. It was a closed off attic with nothing but boxes shoved in every corner. Sheesh! No wonder I'm such a wonderful person to be around - I've only thought I deserved a spooky attic.

But that is a whole different topic all together.

We were all talking a lot about moving. It turns out that when we moved the last time was the hardest on the boys. We had gone through a lot of drama but for them it wasn't that abnormal to see me freak out and run around a room clucking like a chicken. But when we had to leave, that's when all the stress came to a head and they didn't do well. That's when some ugly angst rolled right in.

And I was too busy clucking and all and didn't pick up on it.

One of the books was talking about seeing Jesus with us through the hard times and for whatever reason it really does work. When you think about it, Jesus was there the whole time - we just don't see Him.

We were praying and felt lead to tell the boys to grab a box and put all their good memories in it and picture Jesus helping them taping up the box and handing them a marker to write "good memories" on the box and then picture Jesus helping them lift the box and taking it to the van.

Like wise, we did the same with all the hurt and pain but those boxes were going on a different moving truck. It didn't take long for me to join in on this because I had a lot more boxes of yuck that needed to be moved out of my heart and mind.

When holding on to our pain or refusing to forgive, we're basically crowding into God's turf. He is the only righteous judge. All I can say is for me, I couldn't get over the hurt. I've prayed, I've tried to ignore it, or pretend it wasn't even there but that didn't get rid of it. Instead it only festered and pretty soon bitterness was seeping out. Bitterness crowds out peace and joy.

So I went through some of the hurt and pain with Jesus by my side. It was like looking at old pictures of scrapbooks and remembering it all but we packed it up, stuffed it in boxes, and then I gave the box to Jesus. And He walked away with the box full of hurt and disappointments and placed it on His truck to be dealt with however He deemed best.

When it was all said and done, there were a lot of boxes, I saw Him drive off with it. And suddenly that huge mountain of pain was down to a small bump and we were all able to cross over it and was able to forgive.

This process took us hours, btw. And it was about my parents. And we were ALL able to forgive.

At one point Hubs said to picture putting my folks in a box and all their junk and again watched Jesus take them away. Because really it's His place to deal with us as He's the only One that has really earned that right. We're not to judge and condemn each other. We're not to step aside and let bad behavior run rampart either, but all my parents faults and problems are their stuff to deal with and I need to stop feeling responsible for it. Who hasn't thought, maybe if I acted better than so and so would stop being mean? That is so and so's problem and no matter how good we act, that doesn't compel them to behave correctly.

Only Jesus can do a heart transplant like that! And I am living proof because I need it too. "Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me"

It was rather interesting because all the guys felt released. They all described it from weight being lifted off their shoulders to like a painful splinter being pulled free and just feeling light and pain free. Michael said he felt clean all the way down to his bones. Oddly, while I felt a release, I was overwhelmingly sad. All I saw was the dingy old room with mutant dust bunnies.

Yeah, I think I issues about it too.

I give huge shout outs to the Hubster. He told me to picture Jesus, the carpenter, coming back to rebuild the room. Opening up a wall to let light in and reminding myself to think on good things. Watching Him paint the walls and telling angels where to place things and watching my dingy little attic turn into a beautifully decorated room that would make it on any magazine cover.

And He did that for me.

While this is only one topic and we have a lot more to go, it was still something to watch and to experience. And that mountain of pain is gone and I can stop walking in unforgiveness that was keeping me separated from God to begin with.

It's weird because the feel of the room is different and it's inviting and suddenly the old habits of living in an attic don't cut it anymore. And that enemy of my soul got taken out to the curb with the rest of the trash. So what am I going to do now? Plop down in muddy clothes of yesteryuck in this clean room? No way!

There is more stuff to be tackled but I'm not sure if it's going to be dealt with the same way or if He has something else in mind. I'm not even sure if I got all the boxes. Last few days I felt exhausted over it. Hubs said I'm battle weary and we're all making sure we're getting some rest before the next round.

We've all heard the term spiritual warfare. Getting down to the stuff takes time, takes energy and in our fast paced society who has time for that?? Sweep it under the rug and go on. But whether I face it or not, there is a war going on over me - my thoughts, my mind, my emotions. Who's realm will reign supreme? Does chose this day whom you will serve ring any bells?

This, of course, leads to strongholds. Which will have to be for another post.

The books I've read is Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall; Deep Wounds, Deep Healing by Charles Kraft; and I just started reading Joanna Weaver's book Lazarus Awakening which just happens to be talking about grave clothes and strongholds. Hmmm.

The book about total forgiveness has been one big ker-smack to the face. I found myself unable to forgive. I tried but the anger stopped me every single time. So by dealing with some deep wounds and inviting Jesus into the pain, seeing Him with me and then turning it over to Him, has been healing and then freeing. But at times also draining. It takes a lot of energy to be angry. It exhausts both adrenal and thyroid glands which can send hormones totally out of whack.

Do tell.

So the word I got at being in alignment has a much deeper meaning that what I thought. I will add that walking in total forgiveness doesn't always mean a restored relationship. It does mean we are to pray and wait on God's timing and see what His brings about. Some people are too toxic to have a relationship with and there is no peace being around them but we don't have to be stirred up and angry over their issues.

Relationships certainly are a complicated thing! And I'll stop this here. You get extra points if you made it all the way through without falling asleep.

The Butt Is Dragging

2011-08-08T01:30:00.003-04:00

Sounds like some weird diseased creature - the elusive dragon butt, able to be heard before you ever see it due to the weird noise of it's butt being dragged along the ground.

I'm not sure if my weirdness is a gift or if it makes me "gifted". Could very well be a tie.

Seems like the days are flying by and yet at the same time moving slower than the speed of mud. Last few days I have been just bone weary. Lot of stuff and more stuff. Kerri must have picked up on my desperation and we took off Saturday. Really wish God would just spill the beans on several things. The who, what, why, maybe and I don't know can creep in and wear me out sometimes. After I got back, the guys all took turns basically telling me why they are all on each other's nerve.

Do tell.

I sort of lost it Sunday. Not in a freak out yell fest but more of a can we please have a day where no one is irritated, no one is annoyed, and no one is whining at me to fix it, change it, make it go away or behave right, or fix dinner for that matter. It is a day of rest so get out of mah face.

Thankfully the eyebrow gave off a look that said first person to ask if it was a hormone day would be killed on the spot. God bless that eyebrow. It may be slightly neglected but the broad knows how to git r done.

Off to go face plant into my pillow.

Where Do I Begin?

2011-08-04T00:07:00.003-04:00

Or maybe I should title it where do I end?

So we had Monday with Hubby passing his test. All they post is a pass/fail so he won't know what the score is until he gets the papers but at least he knows he passed the test. Now it's just that hurry up and wait.

My fav-o-rite thang to do in the world.

I think I just choked on my own sarcasm. That may be a first for me.

But no matter how many times I tell the in-laws this they don't seem to get it. I've had a few emails from cousins that I've had to explain it a couple times. I'm starting to feel like no one really listens any more. Okay, if you don't want to listen then why are you asking me over and over and over and over and....

It truly is a mystery why I dream about moving far, far, far away. Not really but I felt like typing that.

The next day turned into a tornado of you're kidding, right? The TV goes ker-blewy. The TV that my in-laws brought to us at Christmas time when they decided to upgrade. For whatever reason, there was angst amongst the ranks and emotions were tense. Spent most of the day hashing things out and everyone was all good.

And then I wanted to swan dive off a cliff.

In the middle of all this bandwagon of fun, I realized I never did get around to making up actually transcripts for the older 2. So I've spent almost all day shlumping through lessons, grading and trying to figure out percentages to come up with an actually grade.

And then I really, really wanted to swan dive off that cliff.

It wasn't too bad but I'm having a bit of trouble on figuring out a grade for Literature. It was an epic fail. I will give Nicholas credit as he was the only one that finished Robinson Crusoe. All I can tell you about that book is the guy was stupid for ever going out to sea and I think the first captain was correct and the sea hates him and he should never go sailing again. True to form of the male mind - can't tell me what to do only for it to go very bad for him like 3 more times.

Nicholas looked at me and said the guy wasn't too bright and may have been the Forrest Gump of his time.

I don't know, but that guy's box of chocolates were full of nuts and may not have been covered in chocolate after all.

Just saying.

So I'm sort of stuck with that. They did do some of the work but this was not their cup of tea. They tried, I'll give them that. Can anyone tell me why this crap is considered classic reading and deemed to be forced down our throats when you need a translator to explain it?? Example: Shakespeare. I still have no clue what the guy was talking about. And I'm supposed to get my kids to read it and grade them on it when I STILL have no clue what he's trying to say?? Me thinketh this doth stinketh.

But I'm almost done with it so hooray for me.

On a side note, took the guys to see Captain America and it was really good!! But for whatever reason no one was playing it locally. We ended up having to take out a small loan to take the 5 of us to go see a movie in the afternoon and get a half ounce of liquid I can only assume was at one time some flavored carbonated beverage. Thought we would toss life to the wind and got 10 pieces of popcorn and only every other one was buttered.

My pocketbook is still feeling the pain from that.

My FIL called tonight to tell us that he saw they are hiring for pharm techs at their local Walgreen's. Promise me you people will intervene and hunt us down and kill me if that looks like a possibility. Please?? Pretty please????

I'm not sure why, but Hubs is still keeping things under wraps. I'm wondering if he would be really good at poker because he doesn't like to talk about things until they are concrete and set in stone (ar, ar) and then and only then will he slowly reveal what he may, or may not, be thinking. Because you just never really know.

I'm concern on a number of levels. So far I've managed to distract myself with a bag or 20 of M&Ms. I've been informed that I've been walking around mutter a lot and have a death grip on the bag of peanut M&Ms. They must have me confused with their father because he never shares those. I might not be the brightest bulb in the tanning bed but I do know how to get mah chocolate.

Like that was some big surprise.

So I've Sort Of Been Busy

2011-08-01T10:01:00.003-04:00

And by busy I mean that we've actually had things to do and I've had blog posts that are gathering dust and since I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to housecleaning, the neglect is showing.

But hey we can write messages on the end tables. Thinks like "clean me you lazy bum" are always nice to find. At least that's what my kids tell me as I toss a rag at their heads. I think it's the little things that keep us together as a family unit. Little things like they can't escape me.

Right now I am a ball of nerves. Hubs went off to take his certification test while I sit here and magically have energy to clean. That and I got a message my friend from Texas has decided to stop by after all in a couple hours.

No pressure.

None whatsoever.

And what luck it's already in the mid 80s outside and it's not even noon. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those days.

And Here I Sit...

2011-07-27T01:36:00.005-04:00

With my face almost plastered to the keyboard. I'm tired. What could possible have me this out of it, you may wonder? We.had.to.go.grocery.shopping.

I'm pretty sure I have seen advertisement about buying food online and they deliver it to you. Which is so much better than getting a rusted grocery cart that will cause you to use Herculean strength to push it around the store, battle screaming people, have what is on your list out, and then stand in line for 25 minutes as you wait in the 1 of the 3 check out lanes.

Not that I'm bitter much.

And yes, I did time it.

I don't know what it is about grocery shopping, but it sure does take the starch right out of me. But to stand there and gaze at all the empty lanes that aren't open will test the patience of a saint.

Sadly, I am not that saint. I'm the crazy one with an eye twitch.

I think I had the eye twitch from doing laundry earlier. I found a load of the boys' clothes crying, "good-bye cruel world" as it crawled into the washing machine. The stench - it was fierce. I was told I'm not funny.

With the hot weather of last week, the laundry was over ripe. I think it's getting worse. I've heard this is all part of the age but eww. I walk around here like a gunslinger with a can of Febreze attached to my hip ready to shoot the smell right out of the sky.

I'm told I crossed a line when I hosed a dude down with the Febreze and I guess it is frowned upon to force people to lift their arms so I can hose down the pits.

Does anyone have any ideas how to help motivate a few people to shave the 5 whiskers off their chin? No, I'm not talking about myself - I'm already motivated.

The older 2 look at their dad and think they don't have to shave because Hubby is not a hairy dude. The hairy came from my side of the family. As I've stated a time or thirty that I think someone in the gene pool may have mated with a yeti at some point. Not so great for me being a girl, but the guys will be able to own their fur without too much mishap. But I've noticed lately when crumbs start to get tangled in those 5 whiskers I start to stare.

And then I get yelled at for staring. I thought I showed great restraint by not pointing or, heaven forbid, flicking the crumbs off.

I asked Hubby dear to try and educate me on how to survive all things guy. True to form, he shrugged his shoulders and mumbled, "I dunno."

Kill me now.

Weekend Blender Dump

2011-07-25T02:37:00.004-04:00

That sort of sounds gross now that I think about it. Almost made me think it was going to be a smoothie but I had to go and ruin the ride with the word dump.

Please be kind Google, it's a delicate blog.

I had a few posts that I started but never got around to finishing. Goodness knows I struggle to make a point and when I get interrupted, like needing sleep, I tend to lose my train of thought and then not sure how to finish it off. So there they sit, unfinished.

We sort of had a good weekend. The boys turned in a bunch of old video games and was able to get the new Lego's Pirate game for free. Fun was had by all until the thing froze up in the exact same spot over and over and over again. Hubs loaded up the older 2 and went to swap out the bad disk for a new one. Blah, blah store didn't have any more copies so they had to run further away to find the game. Game was found, Hubs' praises were sung by all and the gaming continued.

Only...

The game froze up in the exact same spot.

Not to be deterred, they continued to work on all the stuff they unlocked and after half and hour the thing froze up again.

I'm thinking the Wii needs a break. I just hope that wasn't it's death rattle or things will get ugly around here. Except Michael came up with a brilliant idea that maybe the memory chip was too full and since they got rid of a bunch of old games they should delete those off the memory. It worked and they are back at battling all things piratey.

Hubby and I went out on a date Saturday. Went out to eat and saw a movie and had a good time but then we came home and got into an argument. Really? What was the deal with that??? Turns out I get rather offended when dude falls asleep in the middle of the conversation. What can I say? I get really needy.

Long story short, dude has been super stressed this last month. And I had no idea. It's not that I'm not a very observant person, it's just the guy is hard to read. He shows no emotion so it's those tiny little clues that can only be detected when one has a magnifying glass and nothing better to do with their time. That and he admitted he's been trying really hard to keep it from me.

As if I didn't have enough things to deal with, he decides to throw a curb ball.

According to Hubs he feels all this unknown and totally changing course is totally freaking him out and finds it to be more stressful than everything else we have gone through to date. I think some of you know the score up till now so you know the full weight of that sentence. I, personally, think we have gone through much, much worse and am now concern on many levels. Especially with the whole I didn't want to tell you part.

Whatever makes a man think that statement will put the female mind to rest does not know the female mind.

Hubs has been trying to be all strong and encouraging by telling me everything is going to be alright. Encouragement is not a gift the man owns. I think some of it may come from the fact that he just really doesn't like people. So when he makes those rare attempts at being encouraging, I have learned to not shoot him down. Or to snicker, crack up laughing, and/or roll my eyes.

It's been an interesting week. Dude is study hard as he is one week away from his certification test and then it's job hunting time. Not to mention that he'll probably have to sign up for another round of classes to eventually get to where he's aiming to go.

But...

There are sooooo many details we don't know. And for someone who is a planner, it is driving him nuts. On top of that we're trying to figure out all the details of possibly moving several states away. All the gritty details of how do you make this happen is a lot to go over and we're not sure how this is going to work. Frankly, Hubby is freaking out over more of that stuff than I am simply because I know we are not at the spot where we NEED to know it. Yeah, we want to know it but it's not the same.

So here we sit. And wonder what is next. And while I'm sitting and wondering I'll try to figure out how Hubs went from being a jerk to me and I ended up talking him off the ledge rather than fry his butt for being a jerk. I even gave him some emergency stash chocolate. He seemed to chill out after a while.

Care to guess how long it took me to put 2 and 2 together to = hey!? I'm almost sad to admit how long it took me.

I got to talk to the fabulous Jubilee a few days ago. I had a few questions for her and she took pity on me and sent me her phone number. She's as sweet in person as she is on her blog. I bet she realized I am as crazy in person as I am on my blog. Was very glad to talk with her and I'll totally understand if she screens her calls from now on, but she won't - she's too nice.

But she gave me some good ideas as they just moved several states away. And I passed them along to Hubs and that got us thinking. Huge thanks as that helps. Basically sell everything off that way it's less to move. She's brilliant.

The hard thing is timing. We just don't know. I'm thankful BofA doesn't have their act together and never evicted us or we never would have survived this year. Free rent is something I can get used to and will be nice if Hubby has to take another round of classes. You have to be a certified pharmacist technician before you're even eligible to take the other classes. I think dude wants to get into mixing IVs.

Can we say job security?

I made the comment I thought he should pursue it because every surgery needs IVs. Judging from the amount of adds out there advertising hip replacement surgery, I'm thinking this will be a good move.

So it's more hurry up and wait. My fav!

Delicate Flower, I Am

2011-07-19T00:35:00.002-04:00

The heat is making me feel completely wilted. My glorious do nothing plan for Monday was to hog the place in front of the air conditioner unit while I tossed pillows at the boys to back off, momma was here first. Sadly, that was not what was in store for me.

Sunday night our Internet service was stopped. They tend to get a wee bit irritated when I fall behind on payments. Add insult to injury and we've timed out on regular price so they jacked the price up by $50 a month. What fun! They keep telling us we need to sign another 2 year contract to lower the oh.my.gawd price down to a slightly smaller version. I don't even know if we'll be here by the end of the year so can't sign a contract.

I may not be the sharpest pencil in the box but explain to me why they think if I'm already behind that adding more fees to the price will make them see their money faster? I bet the cable company is run by the mafia.

So Monday was spent running to bank and paying the man. And then my best friend from Texas is coming over tomorrow-ish so I spent the rest of the day cleaning. Which is good considering I recently found a mutant dust bunny the size of a chihuahua under my chair. Needles to say, I need to clean around here.

I would like to point out that housework in the 90+ degree heat = one sweaty me. Toss in the Tarzan swing of dust coated cobwebs and you have all the makings of a not so festive time. And Hubby wonders why I'm not a fan of cleaning. This old house is like some creepy spider monkey house of love because the cobwebs NEVER END!! I'm not really sure why the dust has turned into tumble weeds. This is one mystery I am not going to solve, I can tell you that.

But this whole being broke thing really sucks. Which is why I think I am counting down the days until Hubs is in a different job. Granted he will have to approach this in stages but steady employment is a good thing and a step in the right direction.

Friday Hubby did lower the boom to his boss. Showed him the numbers to back up that their part of the construction industry is not recovering and shows no signs of it. Boss man said he knew things were rather tough for us these last few years but didn't fully buy the numbers. So Hubs got an offer of being put on salary on Monday. Boss man had time to go home, look at the books and realized that there is no way his business will continue without Hubs.

Let the begging begin!

I have to say, I am sort of insulted over the whole thing. He's offering this branch NOW??? Were was this before the bankruptcy? I was teasing Hubby all night that no means no and to stick to his guns. I am told I am hilarious. This will not be a problem. But still. I can't help but feel irked.

In other who cares news, Michael and I have been battling it out in books. I'm a huge fan of Vince Flynn. Love his character Mitch Rapp. I've re-read all the books and have used post-it notes to block out some, um, unsavory parts. As in I have a 15 year old and he doesn't need to think about THAT thank you. But ripping some dudes arm out of socket? No problem.

So sad that if something only has violence we're like phew, okay.

The thing is I've had boy wonder drop a brazillion hints when he has to wait on me to finish the next book. He finished one book in one day and then harassed me for 2 days straight to finish the next one. I don't have the luxury of sitting ALL day reading. I have to do laundry and battle mutant dust bunnies and cook food for these people who want to eat ALL.THE.TIME.

I was really worried when the dog died that I wasn't sure what was going to happen to the leftovers. Dun-dun-da! Eating machines 1, 2, and now 3 have discovered 4th meal. Leftovers? What leftovers??

Is this what they mean by the circle of life?

Maybe tomorrow I will be able to hog the cool spot as it's supposed to be this crazy hot all week. I have a feeling it's not going to happen. Especially since the guys all asked if I would give them haircuts again. Didn't I just do that???

If you need me I will be trying to hide in the corner as close to the cool spot as I can get without being spotted.

Crazy Few Days

2011-07-17T00:43:00.002-04:00

I know this will shock all 2 of my readers but it will be short and sweet.

Been an interesting few days to say the least. Hubs told his boss that the end was near. Dude took it pretty well but I don't think he's going to realized how much Hubs did for him. But nothing ugly so that was good. Hubs is busy studying away as his certification test is in 2 weeks and then he gets to sign up for another class. But I feel completely stupid and can't even understand a smidgen of any of it. Which means I still hold on to the fact that I am comic relief on this crazy train.

It's a gift.

I haven't heard a peep out of my folks in a whole week. I'm not sure if I should be relieved or terrified. Mainly relieved.

God sent me on a quest that I will have to blog about some other time because I am, if nothing at all, long winded.

I made the filling for stuffed French Toast and I got a few emails about it. Thought I had posted what it was and I guess I didn't. Oops. Package of cream cheese softened, 1/2 cup sugar, splash of vanilla; mix with blender. Add carton of thawed cool whip; blend. Slap it on french toast, top with fruit and bonus points if you have a fruit syrup. Mouth will do happy dance and you may feel the need to join in with it.

Or not.

Maybe you're the type of person that dances on the inside. But at least make your tongue happy.

Seems like there was something else but I'm drawing a blank and this is getting too long.

Run YOUR Race

2011-07-13T12:34:00.004-04:00

I had submitted this to Praise and Coffee Magazine but it wasn't used so might as well put it up here.

No, I’m not a runner, but I play one on my blog. Seems the theme lately for a lot of people is run the race with endurance. I think this can apply to everyone. No matter what you are going through, it can be a race to be run.

The definition of endure is to hold up under (pain etc); to tolerate; to continue or last.
Endurance is the ability to last, stand pain etc.

I think that sums up life in general!

We finished up another year of homeschooling. I really feel a deep sense of satisfaction this year. We pressed down and trudged through my twins’ freshmen year. Come fall will be closer to the finish line. This has been a long distance race that I have been running, but it has come with a hard price of enduring. Sad to say, it hasn’t been a pretty run either.

I’ve seen some runners that have a stride that is spot on perfect and then there are other runners who’s legs are flopping all over the place and you’re amazed they are still upright and moving forward instead of crashed and burned, wrapped around a tree ½ mile back.

I am the second runner in this scenario.

I was not a fan of school. Everything was a struggle for me and I still think algebra is from the underworld. So when God put it on my heart to homeschool our boys, I started to try and negotiate my way out of it. I think I almost had a power point presentation on why this would be bad idea. I wasn’t let off the hook.

So off I went with fear and trembling. The first few years, while bumpy as I tried to get my stride, went pretty well. Then life threw a curve ball and we were barely surviving. I couldn’t cope with life and we were barely doing anything. When that storm passed, and I was told no I couldn’t stop, I was able to pull myself together only to have no money for schoolbooks. I faked my way through a year of schooling with not much. And did I mention that was the time when my sweet little boys turned into psycho tweens who knew everything? I was ready to sell them for a pack of gum. All the while I was surrounded by women who had their stride down and weren’t struggling to the degree that I was. I found myself no longer in the pack running but falling behind struggling.

There are moments in a race when you find yourself all alone. It’s just you and the pavement of life. No fans cheering you on and your mind, body, and will are all saying, “I am so done, pull over.” But you can’t because you have Jesus whispering in your heart to keep going. Your confident stride is gone and you find yourself just putting one foot in front of the other trying to make it to the finish line before you come to your senses and collapse.

I did allow “I’m done” to win one year and every time I went to pray, I was stopped short. There was no moving on because I wasn’t even in the race. I was bawling in prayer telling God all the reasons why I couldn’t go on. He very lovingly told me I already wasted a year and if I didn’t get off my butt I was going to lose another year. I asked if that was His final answer. He said the race was not over but I had to cross that finish line.

I laced up my shoes, wiped the sweat out of my eyes and got back up.

In the movie Facing The Giants there is a scene where the coach has one of his players blindfolded and crawling across the field with another guy on his back. The player had to follow the coach’s instructions and there was the coach crawling right along with him screaming, “Don’t stop! Give it your best, your very best! Don’t stop, don’t quit!”

All that kid could feel is pain.

I’ve been there in many different races. The weight is on your back pressing you down, you can’t see where you are at or where you are going. Everything in you is burning and shaking from fatigue, and no one else is there to help lighten the load. Can you hear Him? Can you hear your Heavenly Coach right along side you telling you don’t stop, keep going?

No one ever said we had to run with beauty and grace - it just said to run the race. You may find yourself in several races at once. I thought I would be forever wiping noses and stuck watching little kid’s shows until my brain crawled out of my ears. But that part of my race is done and now I am dealing with teenagers and once again my brain is threatening to crawl out of my ears and run away.

Don’t stop. It won’t last forever. Give Him your very best and keep running your race until you hear, “well done, good and faithful runner.”

Dear Self

2011-07-12T01:17:00.003-04:00

I know this last weekend was rather rough but I have to say it was needed. While I don't understand why life has come to a screeching halt, you have made some serious progress in a lot of areas.

I know the guilt is trying to press in and pull you down. Don't let it! You stood up to your parents crystal clear and I applaud you. I know you feel like crap and really wonder if you did the right thing but rest assured it was needed.

I know the outcome is cloudy and you sometimes wonder if this is going to change anything or not. You can't let that weigh you down because you can't change other people's responses or opinions about you. You stated the facts, you seriously beat them back across the line, and stood there with a big ugly stick daring them to press back. You really shouldn't be surprised that when presented with the truth, they had nothing to say.

And for now there is some peace in the land.

One can never really know what the right thing is to do in these types of situations. All I can say is seething with resentment is not the way to live as you've done that for years. And as you love to ask your kids, "how's that working for ya?" I can tell you, it hasn't.

You made a huge step in finally standing up for yourself. I know what it cost you. I know the angst, worry, and anxiety that played in your head and smacked your emotions around. I know the confusion you're battling wondering why you don't feel better or some form of release to be felt and I honestly don't know the answer to that but the sheer determination you put forth to get out of the same cycle was huge.

And no one can take that away from you.

Keep pressing on. Keep coming out of that grave. You were one wound up mummy with all your grave clothes on but you can't say that about yourself any more. I know you want faster results but you didn't slap all those band-aids on yourself in one night so be patient yourself.

To quote a wise red veggie, "God made you special and He loves you very much." Keep telling yourself that because some day you may just actually believe it.

Humble Pie In The Face

2011-07-10T02:06:00.001-04:00

Turns out my kids really DO listen to me. Who knew? Goodness knows they don't always act like it.

Had a talk with the boys and their attitude about the whole bra thing and I got to say their response surprised me, chastised me, and challenged me.

When the guys where little nothing would drive dread into their little hearts faster than me having to bra shop. I was laughing about this with my cousin and she made the comment 'I bet they like going shopping now' and I was all eww, no. She asked if they like the Victoria Secrets commercials and I said no - those commercials have them diving behind pillows and muting the volume.

The conversation turned to modesty. I'll be honest, when I hear that word I immediately think of girls and what they wear. Most boys clothes are so huge you could hide half the pantry under their shirt. Not that they've tried that - lately. But since I brought the whole thing up while addressing their bad attitude, they gave me a different take.

Hubs grew up in a home where pretty much anything went. A guy has needs and all that bull was the flippant attitude. Hubs parents had to get married and my FIL has said numerous times if abortion was legal, Hubs would not be here today.

I got to tell ya, that is pretty darn cold.

Since we have 3 boys, you can bet we have approached things totally different. And we've said from the start to guard your heart - over everything. First off the bat, we've told them to be careful what they see. Keep the eyes moving instead of staying in 1 place. Starve off a fantasy life, don't let the mind just go there, wonder over there, or do back flips into the forbidden fruit.

I've heard Hubs say you can't stop a bird from flying over your head but you can stop it from building a nest in your hair.

They may not be able to prevent the thought but we're trying to make sure they don't stay there.

So with regard to the bras they said that you can't look at anything, go anywhere with out some form of s*x being shoved in your face. Seeing the offending article took the mind right to a certain place and after being out and about over a busy weekend, I can now see they were trying to keep their mind from going there.

Oh.

Which is hard because I am not wired that way so it isn't something I think all the way through. They both said their attitude was a combination of things and apologized for being snippy.

I heard it explained even further in the analogy of chocolate. There are times when the thought hits me that I want some chocolate. And the thought won't go away. The more I try to ignore it the more intense the feeling of wanting chocolate gets. So much so that I'm not at rest until I get some chocolate.

Now who couldn't understand that?

Now take out the chocolate and put something else there and you can start to see what a guy can battle every time he walks out the door or even turns on the TV. I only get hit with chocolate cravings once a month.

I'm glad I did get on their case because it got them to open up. It sort of helped me see where they were coming from and now I sort of feel like I need to walk along side them to just try and encourage them.

And then go swan dive off a cliff because I so don't feel prepared for any of this.

I would love to hand this off to Hubs and say take it away but the guy can be as talkative as a rock so to leave it up to him is rather bleak. He even admitted that. So even though there are certain things the guys talk about, it is the mom that sees it through.

You want to talk about some fine freaking print because I feel like I am getting the raw end of this deal.

So from now on, I'm to give a heads up for washing day so they aren't assaulted with a surprise attack.

And then I'll go swan dive off the nearest cliff.

With a bar of chocolate in my hand.

After I fork stab Hubs to death.

Silly Me

2011-07-06T14:17:00.004-04:00

There is a whole lot of angst going on right now from the guys. Not only do I not have a laundry fairy, I, myself, have to wash by hand certain items of clothing. Sputtering was heard in the land as the bras were out, washed, and have been drying. Upon my feet hitting the floor this ~~afternoon~~ morning, I was immediately asked to take those things back upstairs to my room where it belongs.

Well good ~~afternoon~~ morning to you too.

When we went to the flea market I thought I had scored a pretty good deal - they had some knock off name brands for the knockers (couldn't resist) a 6 pk for $10. They didn't have the size I normally go with and I should have looked at another booth. I went with a slightly smaller size and while it's not doing my girls any favor of keeping them locked and loaded, it'll pass inspection of giving some support.

Me, being me, no longer trusting anything, decided I would wash them up first. It was when I was putting them on the dryer rack that I noticed the label. I felt myself cringe when I saw PRC (which when did made in China turn into made in PRC? It means the same thing - I hope).

This basically means I have communist bewby holders. It makes sense if you think about it - not only will the size not be correct, which explains a lot, and will be slightly uncomfortable but I bet there will be some lower standard of material floating around in there. If I grow a third bewb I will know where to point the blame.

So much for a good deal.

You can tell I am so full of compassion for their plight right now. So much so that I have yet to put the offending items away. Cuz that's how I roll! But I can't stop laughing at the guys for having so much angst over this whole ordeal. I should write a letter and pin it to their collar for any future wife material they would come across. Something like...

Dear Future Daughter-in-law, whoever you may be, I would like to sent a note along with this strapping young man that I truly tried but it seems that there are certain genes that are unable to be beat out of a man. Goodness knows I tried with their father. If you picked the youngest of the group, he thinks that a lot of cleaning falls under woman's work. You may feel free to borrow my rolling pin to try and help him see the error of his ways.

You'll noticed that rolling pin has a lot of dings in it so you can imagine I haven't had much success with it.

I'm hoping for your sake that you're able to cure them or at least curb them of their weird male behavior. I won't do to you what my MIL did which was wished me luck and ran away laughing her butt off. Nay, I will nod my head in sympathy and pray for you and only secretly run away laughing my butt off.

Good luck my dear!
Signed,
Momma tried but failed miserably.