Tuesday, December 16, 2014

How Lose Track Of Time In A Really Boring Way

Otherwise known as life. This being a grown up stuff really sucks. And what's worse is trying to encourage your children to roll up their sleeves and jump in is challenging especially when you have one that's looking at the murky water of adulthood asking about bacteria. (Tarzan reference)

Pesky questions.

Work has worked me like.....well....a dog. The holiday rush that they tried to prepare me for? Yeah, wasn't prepared. And the nastiness that spewed forth from people? Ba-humbug! I've been pulling 38 hrs a week for the last month and I am beyond exhausted. I have to have my left ankle wrapped all the time and IcyHot is my new perfume of choice. They said this is the last week of crazy. What sucks is the store is just trashed and we can't keep up with it. My ONE day off this week has me sitting here blogging doing laundry and getting ready to go grocery shopping. Only to come home, put it all away, and then tackle more laundry and get all the work shirts all ironed. Such a glamorous life I don't live.

I'm told I'm a ray of sunshine at work, so clearly I have them all fooled. And on an even brighter note, the jerk co-worker quit right before Black Friday. Not like I'm surprised, but I had a hard time containing my glee.

Speaking of glee, the in-laws didn't make it out for a visit. I was so exhausted that I was really relieved. And then I felt bad for feeling that way, but then got over it and then warm and gooey feelings arrived when it dawned on me that we had the whole weekend to do nothing. We had an epic Netflix session and got all caught up on a couple shows. Then we hopped over to HuluPlus to get that all out of the way, because we really are that sad. However, we enjoyed every second of it so I'm not really sorry about our level of slackerness that we achieved. Hey, go big or go home. Since we were already home, we did it epic style.

Although, I want a new home. I came home from work the other night to tons of cars and cops everywhere. I'm sort of skert Tyrone and Skinny Pete have expanded their territory as there was a shooting 2 doors down from us resulting in a dead body. It was late at night. Guys said they heard the shots but didn't see anything. Not like they looked but said the shots were really loud. The news said it was a robbery attempt. Not sure if the dead guy is the robber or the robbie - either way this has only intensified my desire to move by a brazillion. As if I needed the encouragement. But I still ask God why the heck we're here in a big city when we aren't a fan of big city life. Not like I want to go back to Michigan, but can't say as I'm a fan of all of this either. Those ruby slippers hasn't produced much results. Wonder if they need new batteries?

The guys got all their driving hours in. (Hooray!) Only to tank their driving test based on parallel parking. Seriously?!? Who even parks like that anymore? Personally, I thought it was stupid to fail them based on that. She did say they are still a bit timid, which I sadly agree with and can't figure out what the deal is or how to fix it. Fred was the same way at their age. So while part of me is well they'll get there, the other part of me is slightly convinced the male species is a sad species that needs to get their butt in gear.

Lot of praying for them. God has to keep telling me to chill out about everything because I want stuff done already and by yesterday thank you very much!  Blah! Our family motto has been for years is We'll Get There! I'm sort of concern that our mascot might be a slow moving turtle. Not just a normal turtle but an extra slow turtle. If I shove a stick of dynamite in it's shell will this speed things up a bit?

Speaking of slow, Fred finally got through all of his training at the hospital. I think that pushed him beyond his endurance of patience. But he finally did it and has been in the I.V. room all this week. He was able to quit Menard's and we've actually seen each other for more than 15 minutes 2 days in a row. Kind of nice since I like his face and all.  He showed me a picture of some of the equipment and my goodness! Get that man a crazy wig and he could be a mad scientist! Way too complicated for me to figure out, but this is me who still has to remind myself it's i before e except after c.

I'm working like crazy to get my mom's gift made. I made myself a scarf with my loom and she said that would make a wonderful Christmas gift for her. Ha! Wrong color for her coat so I'm working on another one for her. Trouble is I don't think I have enough yarn because I still can't figure out how much yarn I need and last night I was digging through the bin and I don't see the same dye lot number so I'm thinking I might be screwed. Or I just don't care and I'll roll with it which is starting to look like what I'm going to go with. But they are crashing our party on Christmas Eve so I got to get moving.

J is on Christmas break. I'm feeling slightly guilty that I didn't even know he was that close to being done. Matter of fact, he finished all of his history - for the year. Sooo looks like I need to make a quick order here or some time before the year is over with.

Ugh. Life is going too fast for me right now.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

A Bit Of This And That

How is it even possible to be near the end of October??? I think I am now convinced that there aren't enough pills to keep things normal. However, I seem to be doing a bit better with all this juggling. Which means I actually have good days where I'm not a hot mess and sobbing in a corner.

I'm only able to cram in a paragraph here and there between everything else going on. It's probably a good thing I don't have time to blog because I'm sure the last thing you want to read is me whining about how many people out there who don't bother to do math. Or about rude people in general who seem to think I have magical powers to override the system and give them what they want for what they want to spend.

As if.

I think the worst is when they want to argue about the price of fabric. I can not even begin to tell you how often people will yell and scream that the sign said it's for 5 a yard and you have to repeatedly point out they got more than a yard so it's going to be 5 times however many yards they got. The look on their face when they finally get it is rather priceless. They won't apologize for their behavior, but the egg is clear to see all over their face. Those long lines that people complain about? It's from lots of people who want to argue over their total. Either that or returns which take forever. We had one day where there were 72 returns. Really people, really?

Had a lady come through the line that got a lot of floral stuff all covered in glitter. When I got done, I looked like Tinker Bell kicked me through the goal post of life. The guy behind her refused to go to my register because he said if he came home with any more glitter on him again, his girlfriend was going to kick him out. How sad is this? Someone had to explain it to me what he meant. And if you are a shut in like me who had no clue - let me soil you with that information. I guess, um, certain types of, uh, bars have their dancers waitresses that use body lotion with glitter in it. And if said dancer waitresses gets to, um, close that glitter might just jump right off and attack their clothes.

I think I could have lived a long life without knowing that information. And I was so close too.

But I was told that this is just the beginning of the holiday mad rush and to brace myself for the nasty behavior that is about to pour forth from stressed out shoppers. Lord, help us!

I think I may need to start finding something else to do. I've had to do a lot of closes this last week and it can be brutal. Putting everything back and straighten up a huge store after having the masses shove and cram stuff all willy-nilly seems to take forever. And it never seems to end. Much like our laundry and dishes only, times it by a brazillion. It also doesn't help that there is a co-worker who is being a royal pain. I don't know why she has it out for me, but she does and I find it beyond annoying. It's weird because she acts like she likes me but then she'll ask me a loaded question and then goes on the radio and says, "Joanna doesn't know what to do about this. Could someone please tell her."

Oh yes, she did.

I'm going to point out I've been working there longer than she has and know a lot more than she does, but she wants to act like she's my manager and wants to tell me what to do. Which is funny because all the managers hate her. She makes sure to get to the go back cart so she doesn't have to do trash or the bathrooms. If I have to do a lot of closes with her I'm thinking of staging a revolt.

Although, I think I might have just found a solution to all of this. I was asked the other night if I would be willing to come in at 4 am and help stock shelves. While my little night owl self cried, I carpe the diem out of that situation and said yes! I won't be around the annoying co-worker, and I won't have the horrible masses to deal with, because there have been some nasty people lately who are under the impression that the world revolves around them and them only.

FYI, they aren't amused that I missed that memo.

I think I might have to pull an all-nighter. Last time I had a 5 am shift I was really out of it. Think I'll take a nap the day before and just stay up all night and then crash when I come home. Except that's the day of the book sale and I still don't know if the in-laws are coming out for a visit for the twins' b-day.

Lord, do what you can to be merciful to me!!! Amen!

In other news, I started loom knitting. One of the regulars who came through my line talked me into trying it. Thank God for YouTube because I'm able to figure this stuff out. My employee discount is helping me out big time because I'm starting to have a yarn obsession, which is funny because I really don't know anything about yarn. Note to self: start learning yarn speak.

And the guys are finally getting this whole driving thing down and we are just a few hours away from being done. I'm not sure who is more happy about this - N or me. Turns out they are way better at highway driving than in town driving. What's the deal with that? It's all the same stuff only going a lot faster. They said there are no turns and curbs, all straight driving. They have discovered the beauty of cruise control and they are a huge fan. Too funny!

Me working has forced them to step up in a lot of ways. They both have had to help J with his school work. That hasn't always gone very well because J refuses to listen to anything they have to say. It doesn't help that how they explained it went over his head. Had to sit them all down and suggest an easier way to deal with all of it. The twins told me later that it was really challenging to put it in a way for him to understand and they had no idea how I've done it for years. All I could do was smirk. And now when I do leave for work N is very fast to say, "we appreciate you!!" as I'm going out the door. See? They do get it. It just takes them taking on stuff to realize I do know what I'm talking about.

The brake line went out in their car and we had an interesting time of juggling every one's schedule on when to drop it off and pick it up. I will say it again, I don't know how women are able to successfully juggle home life and a full time career. I told the head manager if I had her job I would be a slobbering drunk who cussed everyone out for being stupid. She thought that was funny and said you just learn to mutter it real quietly so it sounds like a mumble instead of saying it out loud.

That made me laugh!

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

This Is Your Captain Speaking

Thank you for flying Bug Air - where you really don't have much of a choice.  Um, unless you click on that button on the left to leave this page, but whatever! That's besides the point!!

Your Captain would like to point out some of the views to your left and your right of whatever this is that we're flying.

The Captain will admit that things have been a bit bumpy these last few weeks. That whole balance everything at once has proven to be harder than what it looks like. You may recall that juggling is a bit of a stretch for me as in I can't, but so far I'm faking it. J is back into the swing of school. M and N are holding down the fort handling their own duties, and a few nights out of the week are actually cooking.

(The Captain is still smug about this for some odd reason)

This blog has been neglected and I think I blew dust off of my Pinterest account. I had this whole blog post about how I really wished I never introduced my MIL to Pinterest because she is one of those people who will pin 185 pins to one board at a time. Right now she is averaging 3 boards a day. I think I've unfollowed like 20 of her boards but she keeps clogging up my feed that I just stopped going on it. Tragic.

Oh look. Another thing for my MIL to ruin. Wait, did I just say that out loud? Why yes, yes I did. Be glad I never posted the blog post and we'll leave it at that, m'kay?

On the right side of the....whatever, you'll notice that pile of mess is a lot of stuff I just can't get to until I get a day off. I find myself cramming in a bunch of stuff on my days off trying to keep ahead of things. I've never been that great of a housekeeper and I'm behind on that. One of the guys wrote in the dust "clean me" so I wrote back in dust "get rag and do it yourself."

Except now that I think about it, I've done that before so I guess I don't have much of an excuse. Oh well.

There has been conflicting schedules that we've been trying to balance as well. Some days I feel like I'm trying to herd a bunch of turtles and other days it seems like I'm hunting wabbits. I've had a couple snafus and feel like I just can't do everything. Which I can't. I'm not even trying. But I still feel like I'm letting the guys down and I'm not even sure why I feel that way. Weird.

We've had more issues with the neighborhood jerks. The little punks (who are younger than J) have gone from banging on our door, knocking our trash over, putting firecrackers on the porch to now throwing rocks and breaking windows. And added bonus, the landlord is taking their usual sweet old time to do anything about it. Hope they get it done before the snow flies.

I'm not sure if it's Hoosier manners or if people really need their eyes checked or what, but no one believes the guys are our kids. Fred and the twins get asked all.the.time if they're brothers. And Sunday we checked out a new church and was asked if were a group of college kids. Then we were asked if we were foster parents because they didn't believe we were old enough to be the biological parents. Wasn't even sure how to respond to that one. Don't get me wrong, we all had a good long laugh over that one but seriously.

I'm now concern I'm using too much paint and glue to hold it all together.

I told my mom I must have frozen my face into a 'please tell me more' look rather than what I'm thinking which is 'go away before I hurt you'. Not really sure how I got those two looks mixed up. I've even tried to practice my Fred face which is a scowl. So far, I am not nailing it.

And work has been....interesting. I don't even know where to start. Seriously throws me for a loop that people behave like spoiled brats. So far, I haven't gone off all sarcastic on anyone, which I give all credit to Jesus because there have been a handful of times that I was ready to send the person to meet Him face to face. I will say it's a weird experience to get cussed out by a little old lady. Not sure if her Depends shifted the wrong way or if she mixed up her denture cream with the Preparation H but w-o-w.

Don't even get me started on people who just shove things in random areas and I've heard many a person say, "so what - that's their job." Here's the thing with that - there are a ton of little stuff that we can't keep on top of and since lots of people have all decided it's someone else job to pick up after them and put stuff away, it doesn't always pan out. Closing is hard because trying to put all that stuff back takes a long time. Being on my feet all day and then walk all over the store to put it away has kicked me right in the muffin top which is probably a good thing. Too bad I still look like a busted can of biscuits. Or maybe that's just how I'm feeling. I'm starting to get more endurance so that's good. Wasn't sure I was going to survive last month.

Had a lady change her mind on about 300 sheets of random scrapbook paper. I had to repent for wishing her an infestation of fleas in her unmentionables while I tried to put it all back.

What? I said I repented.

However, there are a lot of nice people that have been a true joy to wait on. And the creative ideas people come up with?! Oh my gosh!! Wish I could take notes on some of the projects people have told me about.

For the most part I would say things have been good. It's just been bumpy shifting gears. Some days I feel like I can do it and other days are epic pity-parties. And I'm not sure how to shake myself out of it either. I can tell I make a difference when I choose to be pleasant to people when all I want to do it give them a giant plate of sarcastic comments....and a seriously smack to the head. Its just those days where I feel empty and having a hard time getting filled back up that are the real challenge. I'm not a fan of those days. Because life doesn't slow down long enough for me to come in for a landing. Can't seem to get very far with nothing but fumes either.

So the Captain would like to apologize for the serious lack of blogging. However, I'm not even sure if anyone is still on board any more as there is a suspiciously low number of parachutes left.

Once again, thanks for flying with Bug Air.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Another Day In The Fast Lane

I had yesterday off of work and do you want to know what I did with my glorious day of freedom? A few loads of laundry and went grocery shopping. But first we had to go run a few errands.

Cue some form of music - as in the tense white knuckle kind.

I will not identify which driver was behind the wheel, but what I will tell you is he sucks at parking. And that the curb doesn't move regardless if he saw it or not. Straight parking has not been his friend, and angle parking I can't convince him to pull up to the freaking line so the butt of the car isn't hanging out in the lane. Because what would I know?!?

You picked up on that one, right? Good. Just checking.

While the other one is doing wonderful at parking, he still needs help going around the corner because he refuses to do the hand over hand thing, thus being extremely jerky going around a corner - going about 5 mph. Although he got tired of me saying give it some gas so he gunned it but was still jerky.

I'm not sure which is worse - the whiplash or stomping on the I wish I had a break pedal on my side that isn't there. I am slightly exaggerating because I usually say stop, stop, stop!! But there are moments I'm wondering if they are ever going to get the hang of this. And then the next time we have to go somewhere we'll have a smooth ride, everything is fine and it's like they've been doing this for years. When they're good, they are good. But when it's an off day? My emotions are not happy.

Let me tell you about those emotions too. They are slightly pissed because they feel all jumpy and vulnerable. Lot of ups and downs in the past few months and it's taking a while to readjust and do things different. I'll be honest, it's knocked me for a loop, but I really don't have time to process it. I just have to roll with it. I was restocking shelves the other day and it was all the dorm stuff etc. and it hit me - hard - that the guys could have left this week for college. I drove home trying to not have an ugly cry fest because highway driving is nuts here. And when I got home, the last thing I want to do is bawl my head off about something that didn't happen because I sort of get mocked for doing it.

Example: it was pointed out to me that I'm being ridiculous for getting emotional over something that didn't even happen, and I should save it for the proper time because it is going to happen soon. However, if that boy doesn't lose his I know everything attitude, I'll will give him a major dose of reality and mail him his clothes. The extra comment about me needing chocolate did not help him in anyway, shape, or form. He complained to his dad about all of this and hearing what man-child said, the dad winced and replied, "bad call, dude."

I knew I liked that guy for a reason.

As if all that happy juice wasn't enough, youngest had a major teenage angst marathon where everything everyone said, and did, annoyed him. Had to sit him down and have a major talking to all while I tried not to pelt him with Hershey kisses. I think I was the only one who found the irony of this that I was telling him to knock it off while tossing him chocolate. Ping! Stop it! But I love you - muwah! Ping! But seriously - stop. Ping!

If I make it out of all of this alive, I hope the eye twitch and the tourettes will go away.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Well That Was Surprising

Went to a family reunion and actually had a good time. Was the first time I didn't walk away with this overwhelming desire to slit my writs and end my existence. Guess there is a first for everything, so that's always a plus. Oh I kid. I'm a firm believer in sticking around if for no other reason than to piss people off who don't like me.

I have no idea if the guys had a good time because I ditched all of them and hung out with the ample amount of females that are in this clan and soaked up the estrogen. I felt slightly giddy from the hormone buzz.

But what shocked the snot out of me was everyone was telling me congrats on the guys. One cousin got me a gift and a touching card, and I heard my praises being sung for homeschooling. I was touched, surprised, and just a wee bit confused. These were the same relatives that have been telling me what a huge waste of time my life has been and how I was screwing up my kids. For years I've been hearing all the negative. Now on the other side of it, everyone was applauding my effort, saying what awesome men I have raised, how brave I have been through it all, and how they admire me.

Um, okay.

I had this moment of panic that I was at the wrong house with the wrong people until I saw my mom grinning at me. She actually winked at me. She heard all the same negative stuff from all the same people about me, so in a way this was a nod to her too.

I found myself trying to figure out what flipped everyone's switch. So far I've drawn a complete blank. Fred didn't escape either. Everyone was impressed that he "reinvented himself" and did a different career choice. Although I did kick him when he told one cousin he was a drug dealer. She doesn't have much of a sense of humor and judging from the look on her face, she thought he was serious. Then he got asked all kinds of questions about different medicine that they were taking. After hearing what all everyone was on and for what, I'm thinking maybe the side effect was the culprit to losing all the judgmental comments.

Jury is still out on that one.

The guys got asked all kinds of questions like what are you going to do with your life? They replied they are doing the gap year thing to give themselves some time to hear from God and try to get everything all lined up. I was braced for the negative comments and was a bit surprised when none came, and then grinned like proud momma hen when everyone said that showed a huge sign of maturity on their part. I was able to restrain myself from running up to Fred and doing a chest bump. But only slightly.

But that is off the checklist and on to the next hurdle. And that hurdle has the name of schedule and is it one big mean sucker! Someone is coming and going just about everyday. We had to brave stuffmart because the pantry is at an all time low and this is my only chance to get there since that schedule thing morphed into a giant mutant monster. Part of my brilliant plan was to get a dry erase board to help keep everyone on track with what all is going on. Now toss that brilliant plan out the window.

Why, you don't wonder? So glad you didn't ask because now I'm going to tell you. I couldn't find a white board. Found neon blue and green boards. Black boards, even a red board. But no white. Silly me thought the markers that the same company was selling would show up on their product.

That would be a big NO.

Now I have a black board already on my wall and markers desperately trying to tell me the schedule but sadly the black board is having none of it and is keeping everything a big mystery.

I now get to find pastel markers in hopes to see how crazy busy we are. Although, I'm starting to wonder why I'm even bothering. Work keeps calling me every.single.day as they don't have enough cashiers to cover stuff thus throwing all my plans right out the window. I'm still trying to recover from the weekend so I didn't bother to answer when my phone rang at 8 am.

Good-bye sleep! I'll miss you!

I have this annoying feeling I'm going to get another call tomorrow morning to see if I'll work. I might do it if the hours are daytime, but I'm not signing up to close on purpose. I'm still trying not to dry heave from having to clean up the bathrooms from closing this last weekend. I'm starting to hope there is a place in hell for people who refuse to clean up after themselves in public bathrooms. Has society really come down to gosh I just can't push the button to flush because I'm too important and therefore my sh!t don't stink? Really?


I will say I am so glad I didn't have to balance a job and homeschooling. When the kids were little and money always seems to be tight, I often wondered if I should get a job. For me, I'm not wired to do it. I come home drained and have very little patience to hear what the guys have to say. I'm glad I was home and gave them my all. They aren't always going to be little or even around, so I have a lot of peace that I did the right thing. Why, oh why, did that take so long to show up? Having spent years questioning if I was doing the right thing and not really knowing to now knowing, sort of makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Oh how I wished I would have walked in the moment and been more at peace than to question every step of the way worried! Also wished I could have held off doing this for a couple more years, but it is what it is.

Schools are starting up around here next week. J and I just laughed and laughed because we are still a month away before starting back up with him.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I Knew It Was Going To Happen But...

I'm still amazed at how many times people feel the need to comment on my name while at work. While I can't actually say the name of the store, I'm hoping you can figure it out. Otherwise, I bet you are one of those people who have this ability for stating the obvious. You might also want to find another blog because I'm pretty sure you won't understand most of what I'm saying anyway.

Case in point, I was on hour number 6 of working. The place was a zoo, I was holding my own but was tired. I've been told by several people that I'm a very pleasant cashier. I'm sure those happy statements will fade away if I keep getting Captain Obvious strolling up to my register. His girlfriend put her items down for me to scan and I could just feel the comment bubbling up his stupid chute ready to explode out of his pie hole.

CO: "Hey! Your name is Joanna!"
Me: "Yup. Have any coupons today?"
CO: "You're so stupid. Why would you work here? You need to go work at a different store."
CO Girlfriend: "Knock it off. You're not funny."
CO: "So do you get confused and answer the phone wrong? I bet that would be funny."
Me: "Actually, I keep forgetting what my name is so I thought working here would help my cognitive memory. But thanks for pointing out my mental issue."
CO: "Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! I was only kidding!"
Me: smirking "So was I."
CO: "Wait. So you can remember your name?"
Me: "Unless I grabbed the wrong name tag again...."
CO Girlfriend: "Would you just leave her alone!"
CO: "Well good luck with all your issues."

Oh buddy! You have no idea. I could have been a horse's arse like you! I didn't even say that out loud, so as far as I'm concern - this was truly a huge moment for me.

I think I can maintain composure for like 5 hours. After that - not so much. By hour 8 I think I actually called a guy Captain Obvious. I can't remember, it's all a blur right now. Huge moment gone.


I'm surviving. I no longer come home and just stare at the wall thinking about back flipping into a pool of despair. But that may be because I haven't worked all week. I don't know if it's a goof with the schedule or what. I can't get a hold of any of the managers to find out. Maybe it's to let me recover from last week? Highly doubt it, but don't know what else to think.

It's been a bit overwhelming to keep numbers and stuff straight. About the time I get the hang of it, I'm on to something else. Sunday was crazy register day. It was crazy but me, being me, was able to handle it and seem to entertain people while I was at it. I actually like doing the register. I was put at the cutting table last week and if I'm honest and open, my mind slid to the dark side and thought of just cutting myself up and mailing the remains home.

Let's just say - I didn't get the hang of it and leave it at that, m'kay?

Actually, no. Let's just go there. I felt my brain giving up the will to take in oxygen. I could not get the hang of cutting the fabric. I could handle the devise and ringing up the ticket, but could not get the fabric to work with me. I was all thumbs and couldn't keep my hand on the fabric the proper way. It sat there totally mocking me too. It shimmied, it slid off mark, and pretty much was like a slippery wet baby that was not going to be contained.

It was felt. The most unslippery fabric out there.

I was dreading this, and before you say I jinxed myself, I would like to think I had some discernment and already knew where my weakness was at....and it was the cutting table.

Nemesis - thy name is fabric.

The only thing that redeemed last week was I got to straighten up stuff and return things to stock in the scrapbook area. I was a happy camper for the last hour. Until people started asking me where stuff was and I had to stand there and say, "I have no idea." and try to slink away before they asked me another question showing just how much I didn't know. Granted, this was only like day 2 of actually doing things, but it is pretty much sink or swim type of environment.

I'm not sure where I'm at in that equation. Feels like sinking.

But I would like to state that I am now convinced my man is not even human as he thrives on working. And dude can work 14, 16, even 18 hour shifts. I would also like to state I now feel like an old used up dishrag. I don't even have any chocolate on hand. Tragic on so many levels.

I'm actually surprised by all the reactions I've been getting on Facebook. I haven't had a paying job in 19 years and I'm not thrilled to be doing this but don't have much of a choice. My phone about wore itself out from all the notifications and emails of people wanting to know what's up. I had some people give the impression that they are relieved that I'm finally getting off my butt and making an effort in society, and then on the other extreme people are dismayed that I'm giving up on being a mom.


I'm not sure if I've isolated myself to the degree that I'm surprised by unsolicited advice, or if it was an ill-timed comment when I'm not sure how I feel about all of this myself. Depending on the day, and the mood, I have a different opinion. I sort of feel at war with myself.

It doesn't help that the schedule is all over the place. I understand it takes time to get on the schedule etc. but keeping things running smoothly on the home front takes planning and all this juggling has been hard on my nerves. Everyone keeps telling me I'll get there and it'll be old hat. Just not sure how I feel about the hat.

Monday, July 7, 2014

It's A New Day

I'm not entirely sure what type of day it will be but it is new. I sort of felt bad for making it sound like the guys aren't doing well driving, which the fact that I even felt guilt for expressing what I was feeling in a moment should tell you the paranoia is still alive and well.

They are doing fine. It just takes practice. And squeezing in all these extra minutes here and there has proven to be challenging. Toss in the fact that the car insurance company has raked us over the coals - times 2 - and then come up with paying for gas on 3 vehicles all while Hubby is still in training and hasn't seen the raises yet has left us scrambling. All that equals up to this chic went out and snagged a part-time job. So did Hubby but that's for another story.

Dude is part cyborg and I honestly don't know how he does it. I'm freaking out about juggling everything and he works like a dog and doesn't bat an eyelash. He works full time at the hospital and part-time at a Menard's in the evening. The guys mowed the lawn yesterday and Hubby went out and raked the whole yard, logged in more driving time with the guys, it was his night to cook, and he worked a 4 hour shift. And this is his weekend off from the hospital.

I am not worthy to carry his slippers.

But all of this has caused a lot of feelings to come bubbling up. I knew I was an emotional mess but holy smokes! I feel like I'm getting tossed all over the board here! Honestly, if I were try to put it all out here of what a hot mess I've been over it, your eyes would give up the will to read. It's been hard on me and right now I'm freaking out about scheduling and getting everything done. The thing I'm sort of steamed over is I just got all the transcripts done, just felt like I got the guys squared away and now I'm off to a job and leaving it to them to hold the fort down. Part of me is having a hissy fit because when was I going to have some ME time?

And I'll wait as you catch your breath from laughing hysterically.

I told myself all winter long to hang in there, the older guys were almost done and that is one huge check off the list, and then I could focus on some other things. Ha! That was funny! Except now I'm mad at myself and feel like somehow I should have seen this coming (I didn't) and that I should have planned better. If I only had a nickle for every time I thought that!!

It's kind of hard too because everyone is so excited for me because and I quote "it'll get you out of the house". I'm sorry, but have you seen the people that are out there? And you want me to go be a part of it because why??? And judging by people's reaction they seem to think I've suffered being at home and are totally blowing off how upset I am over all this change.

Hey! Guess what? I STILL DON'T LIKE CHANGE!!!!

It's a fabric and craft store and if you squint, my name is in it. I think this is the only place I could survive at since I've been doing crafts forever. The funny part is I hate to sew. All thanks to an unfortunate bobbin incident when I was in junior high taking a home ec class. (I couldn't get the stupid machine threaded no matter how many times I tried. It was pitiful. I even looked at the teacher and said just hand me my failing grade now and put us both out of our misery. Hard to believe I redeemed myself in the cooking section and was the only reason I even passed.)

I sort of begged to not have to be near any of the sewing and when asked why I said sewing machines can sense my fear. They laughed so hard and said I was hired. I'm not sure I'm going to get my wish.

Actually, funny story about that is - the night before my interview I was all over Pinterest to get ideas and what to say etc. I go in and I'm asked to tell a bit about myself and why I want the job. I got to the part where car insurance is the devil and they are robbing us blind so I need money, and the lady hiring was nodding her head and we ended up having a half hour rant about car insurance and it turned into 2 friends catching up over coffee.

Never asked me any of those questions I spent all my time preparing to answer.

Fred laughed so hard when I told him. He was on the floor gasping for air saying only I could skate out of answering questions and turn it into a social gathering. I'm not sure if I should be insulted. Personally, I think he's just jealous because he's not good on the social skills.

But thanks to modern technology, I got to do all my paperwork online. Cue some evil form of music because that whole mess was enough for me to give up the will to live. It took days to wade through all of it and after being on hold with tech support for a few hours all while I tried really hard to understand what the Sam hill they were saying, I'm pretty sure the eye twitch started its own theme song. I thought I had it all done as that's what the confirmation email said, but sadly I go on my first day only to have it say nope! We spent hours with more tech support and I was sent home to try and fix it on my end. More hours wasted, and a whole lot of cussing muttering, I think it's all fixed. But by the time this all got squared away, the managers had left....to go on vacation.

This is way too much effort on a job I didn't really want to get as far as I'm concern. And to top all that off, I feel like God has been extra giddy about this and I'm not sure what to make of that. Which I've had choice words for Him about this whole ordeal, let me tell you! Life has not gone according to plan. Every time I try to plan, it goes up in smoke. I think I keep hoping God is going to swoop in and fix everything and I'm finding He hasn't therefore He's not going to, so time to put on the trudging shoes and get on with it.

Oh trudging! How you never seem to really go away.

I'm sure this will give some interesting new blog fodder. Certainly looks like I'm going to need more therapy before this is all over with. Especially since they just called and I'm going in this afternoon. Oy!